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Cheating.. Has it happened to you? Have you cheated? And Can you move on from it..

Big Mistake

I dated this guy then he cheated on me. We broke up then got back together and I found out he is like a pathelogical liar...well anyway I cheated on him it was the first and last time I will ever cheat. I felt so bad and wished I could take it back. I didn't understand how he could do it and not feel as bad. Well we are still together stupidity I guess I don't know.
 
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I cheated on one girl in particular, and IMO there is no way to salvage a relationship after that. After coming clean she asked me if I still wanted to be with her, I said yes, and we continued dating for several months. Then we took a break, and I slept with another girl and she found out about it, and that was the end of that. Prior to that when I cheated on her I only made out with the girls, and only slept with the other girl when we were no longer dating. So my then ex decided one night to make out with me 'just to see if kissing me was still the same' but that was all that ever happened between us after I slept with that other girl.

I think that cheating on someone completely taints the relationship, and no matter how much you may love them you have to call it quits. I can picture standing on the alter at marriage and having the thought of me having cheated on the person come back to haunt me.

I have never been cheated on, but if I was I would end the relationship right away since I couldn't even see staying with someone I cheated on, so definitely couldn't stay with someone that cheated on me.

this
 
I cheated, but I don't really consider it cheating (even though everyone here will say that it was) because I kept telling this girl for months that I needed to take a break from her and I was going to end up sleeping with another girl.

I got the ol', "well, that's fine, you can take a break but I'm not taking a break, and as far as I'm concerned, we're still together."

Yeah, well, I ended up sleeping with another girl and I flat-out told her the truth. I didn't lie to her or even try lying to her, man, and she was crushed. (shrugs)

I gave her more than fair warning. lol
 
I have never cheated nor have I been on cheated on. I have been the "other guy" as in I have been with someone that cheated but I didn't feel so bad as she had cheated with idk how many people before me. She doesn't understand why I won't go to her wedding in a few days and when I asked her why she's getting married, her response was "I don't know."

Initially she said her fiance doesn't know that she cheated on him a ton and then she says that "he won't have to know." Honestly, I don't even really like this girl as a person.

She's already been engaged once and she cheated on her current fiance with him as well, not to mention made out with who knows how many people and fucked/messed around with others.

Basically, I'd feel bad if, COMPLETELY SOBER, she didn't ask me and my friend to take turns on her or fuck her at the same time. Neither of us are into that sort of thing and he isn't the type to hook up anyways.
 
i've been cheated on and cheated on others that's just how relationships work for me
 
I've never cheated and although I have no proof I wouldn't be surprised to find out my ex-wife cheated on me.
 
I believe in distinguishing love from sex. I would accept my love having other sexual partners, as long as he was safe, but I would not accept him having another "girlfriend" or intimate emotional bond. However my fiancé, (soon to be husband!!!!) is rather old fashioned, and once we had reached an understanding, im fine with that. Until we reached an understanding, well.... I screwed up quite a few times.
1- it was blatant, cruel, immature cheating. I was considerably younger, mentally and emotionally, but this was not an excuse. I insisted I "deserved room to grow up" by having another lover and exploring my sexuality. I believed my "boyfriend" and I were in a casual sex relationship, and I began a sexual relationship with another man, which I never lied about- and at first my boyfriend never outright forbid it, but I could see he was very hurt and cruelly ignored him, insisting I had a right to explore. Well, The stars were aligned so it didn't work out with boy toy 2 due to family reasons, and I ended up back with my boyfriend. That was the best thing that happe we'd to me. However, the scars remain and he has a hard time trusting me to this day, which hurts, but I try to understand I deserve it
2- my boyfriend told me I was free to explore sexually with girls or guys MY age- no one older. And he always wanted dirty pics of my friends. So, I got a store clerks (he was a bit older but within 5 years, i thought this was still whitin my age range) number one afternoon and had exchanged pictures by that night. I was SO proud of myself, I thought my boyfriend would be so happy that I got him hot pictures! Needless to say he wasn't, and I've spent the last 2 years trying to make up for this one.
There we're a few more incidents over misunderstandings, like when i did solo webcam shows, which he knew about but never seemed to care, until he blew up one day, and the time I messed around with a girl, which he had previously said was okay, and a few attempted threesomes with my boyfriend, myself and another person. Due to trust issues, the threesomes became more trouble than they were worth. I never lied to him, however, and, aside from the first incident, I have stopped my actiosn as soon as we communicated and established clearer boundaries. He argues that he shouldnt have to establish these boundaries- if I loved him, I should just know. With communication we've gotten a better understanding of each others views, and I'm slowly building up his trust in me again. I give him my passwords to everything so he can see I'm not hiding anything, I avoid talking to males, but it's still hard for him to trust me again. Our relationship survived, but there have been lasting issues. I'm so thankful hes always understanding, or at least tries to be, and we made it through. Wht makes it worse is that he has always been the golden idol of commitment to me, while I've had a poor track record.
 
Monogamy is a contract to insure for the male the kids are his and for the woman that the kids will be supported and therefore increasing overall the probability of successful childrearing.

Children are a large investment time wise financially and so on and as our lives are short by comparison this makes human children and therefore the monogamy contract even more precious.

When one cheats and breaches the contract the genetic fear of cuckoldry and or non support cause our genes to give us jealousy and other terrible bad feelings so the cheater is punished and removed from the contract. If cheaters could cheat with impunity then monogamy would be impossible and our relationships break down.

Our emotions purposely traumatized us so that we associate distrust jealousy anger do on with the cheater in order to force us to punish cheater. If you didn't feel this way you wouldn't punish the cheater and monogamy would fail.
 
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LOL I have never heard of "You can cheat within this age range." LOL That's a new one for me.
 
Something a little more relevant and closer to being on topic would be nice Comrade.

I think TommyBoy makes some great points about cheating ( however you define it ) tainting a relationship. A healthy relationship with a significant other begins with trust, followed by honesty and mutual respect.

I once attempted a more sexually liberal arrangement with a significant other that involved allowing each one of us space to sleep with other people. Boundaries were discussed and drawn.

Things only soured when my partner disregarded those boundaries and my feelings, as well as lying to me on a fairly regular basis.

So, even in an "open" relationship I feel as if I was cheated on. In my mind, that partner "cheated" by not holding up their end of what I then believed was a respectful agreement.

The betrayal I felt seeped into every facet of our relationship until it was no more.

I'm surprised to read that a few people feel like becoming cheaters themselves is an acceptable alternative to just moving on and away from that dishonest and selfish partner. Make no mistake about it; cheating--in a lot of cases--is about having your cake and eating it too.

Have I moved on and gotten over it? Sure. Time heals all wounds. But, I will say that my threshold for reacting to and addressing deceit and disrespect is pretty low now a days. It is part of the baggage I still carry forward into each emotionally invested relationship future.
 
I thought it was relevant providing a few facts if a bit scattered about why we feel the way we do about cheating and cheaters. The whys are always important for if we don't understand why we do something or why we feel something then we might make a mistake.

Because I realized WHY I desired to cheat and have sex with new pussy it meant that it immediately lost all attraction to me because I realized I didn't want any such thing my genes did.

This meant I didn't cheat and now have no desire to cheat despite being with my one monogamous partner for some time now.

So I mistakenly thought this would be relevant.

Holy fuck! You are a fucking idiot! either a) Your genes are a part of you, and therefore, if they want it, so do you. or b) your genes are nothing more then a 5 carbon monosaccharide and nitrogenous bases and phosphate and therefore can not want anything in of them selves.
DNA.jpg

I don't think that bit of white filamentous goop in the solvent is exactly fucking sentient you dumb fucking bastard.

Your arguments about child rearing are not applicable to gay or lesbian people, people who are beyond menopause or for another other reason infertile or for people who don't want children and take cautions to prevent it. Again, highlighting the fact you are an ignorant, slow witted fuck who should probably ablate whatever small amount of brain tissue they have with a 12 gauge.
 
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My neighbor, a retired police officer, caught his wife cheating red handed—literally walked in on her and the Verizon guy banging in his bed. The guy played it totally cool though.. he shot the other dude in the leg, then made him call his wife and explain how he was fucking somebody else. True story. I live on a crazy block.
 
"can you hear me now?"

My best friend is getting cheated on right now this is some bullshit, I wish I could just step in and tell him to man the fuck up.
 
Holy fuck! You are a fucking idiot! either a) Your genes are a part of you, and therefore, if they want it, so do you. or b) your genes are nothing more then a 5 carbon monosaccharide and nitrogenous bases and phosphate and therefore can not want anything in of them selves.
DNA.jpg

I don't think that bit of white filamentous goop in the solvent is exactly fucking sentient you dumb fucking bastard.

Your arguments about child rearing are not applicable to gay or lesbian people, people who are beyond menopause or for another other reason infertile or for people who don't want children and take cautions to prevent it. Again, highlighting the fact you are an ignorant, slow witted fuck who should probably ablate whatever small amount of brain tissue they have with a 12 gauge.[


I'm sick of giving the uneducated lessons in biology. Your wrong deal with it. Calling me names just proves you don't understand and can't understand even the simplest concepts like evolutionary biology.

It's a shortcut. A figure of speech.

Of course my genes are not sentient nor do they want things. If you read Richard Dawkins The Selfish Gene you'd see he uses and many biologists use the same expression that genes want things or are selfish.

Religious nutters reacted in exactly the same way when Dawkins described genes as being selfish and he had to slowly and patiently explain to them as if the dunces were still three years old that it's an expression.

We are machines designed by evolution (another figure of speech, evolution doesnt design) for one purpose and one purpose only and that's to copy our genes forward. All else is overflow. Monogamy maximizes the probability of children which hold those gene copies surviving to adulthood and passing these genes on.

There is no debate about this fact. It's proven science. Read the selfish gene yourself and grasp how evolution works. You can be ignorant deny reality all you like but it doesnt change the facts.
 
I've cheated and been cheated on. For a long time I told myself "no way I'm going to limit my sexual experience to just this one woman". You can keep that attitude going for a long time but when she finds out and loses all the respect and love for you that she's being giving you all this time and you are enjoying getting it, you feel like a piece of shit.
No way I'd cheat again.
 
LOL I have never heard of "You can cheat within this age range." LOL That's a new one for me.

For my boyfriend, me sleeping with someone else is a threat to him, like he feels he will be replaced. Me sleeping with an older male, like him, makes him feel like he can be replaced. But he still wanted to give me sexual freedom without threatening his "niche" in my life, hence the age ranges and gender restrictions. It got so complicated that I decided monogamy was simpler and I couldn't screw it up. Things have worked out quite well since, and were closer and more satisfied with just each other
 
From my experience, (I used to cheat a LOT) cheating has absolutely nothing to do with the partner. I loved my boyfriend a lot, had no problems with him whatsoever, wasn't lacking anything in the bedroom. It was all about EVERYTHING else - my lifestyle (drinking, drugging, partying way too much), my friends, my insecurities, the power trip I got from being able to seduce anyone I pleased....I could go on forever. Just know that what she did is nothing against you personally, at least in my opinion and from my experience.
 
i got cheated on. which turned me into a cheater. i've realized you can never really trust anyone.
 
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