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Cheating.. Has it happened to you? Have you cheated? And Can you move on from it..

N

Nicky

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 18, 2005
Messages
7
Hi,

I'm well aware that there are already many posts on this subject, so please feel free to tell me search through others if this post is not necessary.

However, I've just gone through my own experiences with being cheated on and i'm interested in others experiences and opinions from both side of the fence. Brief background, had been together just under a year, good strong relationship. My partner took an overseas holiday with a friend for 5 weeks and returned to tell me on the first night of her holiday they had gotten blind drunk and her friend had a picked up a guy. They were sharing a bed together in a hostel room, and the friend and the guy started getting it.. the guy put a move on my partner and they then had a 3 some.

Her only excuse is that she was really drunk and that it just happened and she does not know why, however is very upset about what she has done.


So i guess my questions are, has anyone else been in a similar situation?

If you were the person doing the cheating, why did you do it? Or if you were on the other side, were you able to forgive and forget and how did you work through it?

Discuss.
 
I have done both. Im a 21 yo male. My ex fiance cheated on me and blamed it on smoking weed with the guy. I did not forgive or forget. I proceeded to cheat on her as an attempt to get back at her (childish i know). My most recent ex has forgiven me for all my wrong doings, including being unfaithful as she sees i am truly sorry. I honestly love her. Im grateful she took me back today. Its been 5 months and finally were back together :)
 
GF of 4 years fucked my best friend. She pretty much ruined any chance of me ever trusting women or investing emotionally again. Now I cheat all the time because I refuse to have my life devastated again.
 
Being drunk or fucked up is never a excusable excuse. If you truly care about ur partner you dont cheat. imo the op gf sounds like she was curious and horny. Weird to sleep in a bed with another couple who are having sex, so subconsciously maybe she was hoping itd happen. She may feel bad about what happened but if she truly deeply loved you, I feel that shed have avoided the situation. Ditch her and find a woman worthy of ur heart
 
and to answer your question: i have cheated and been cheated on. I cheated on a guy I was with for too long and both of us were too afriad and immature to end it. I felt sickened with guilt afterwards, it totally was not worth it and id never cheat again. He cheated on me too lol I found out after we broke up and it shattered my heart to pieces. I dont trust any guy or girl not to cheat, tbh im suspectful of everyone bc everyone i know has either cheated or been cheated on. ultimate trust killer!
 
I've been cheated on and been an aid to cheating.. I don't forgive cheating, well I can but it's not heartfelt forgiveness. It ruins the chance of me seeing the person as I had before. Like they've been downgraded tenfold and you think of how slutty they were being. But even considering their actions, I may still have strong feelings for them. Which leaves me torn... On one hand, they've done something degrading that removes them from your boundaries of acceptance, but on the other hand they've done so much to make you fall in love with them.. It's a mess.... As for being an aid to cheating, I once fell back in love with an ex of mine who had a boyfriend. I knew they were together, yet it didn't hold either of us back from seeing each other and going out. Her boyfriend was very suspicious and they had hours long arguments about me. I decided to distance myself from her because I didn't want to be in the middle of drama between the two of them, and I eventually felt kinda bad that I encouraged it when I knew she had a boyfriend.
 
I've cheated and be been cheated on. I don't have any excuse or real reason for cheating (that I can think of) other than "the only thing better than pussy is new pussy". Well, now that I think about it, it was probably because I got into 'serious' relationships ever since I was young and always felt like I was missing something. Now that I've had sex with more people than I can remember names of, I can honestly say I know I'm not missing anything and haven't cheated since that realization.

And no, I'm not willing to forgive somebody for cheating and haven't regretted leaving any girl who has.
 
I have never been cheated on.
I kinda cheated on my ex. We took a "break" and I went further with this other guy than what the bf and I had agreed on. I broke up with the bf and started dating the "other guy". I've been with the "other guy" for two years. It's kinda borderline ... some view it as cheating, some don't. I wouldn't do something like that to someone I truly loved though.
Cheating is wrong ... I don't think you can cheat on someone if you actually love the person.
I also don't believe that cheating on one person means you'll cheat on everyone.
 
Have I been cheated on? I would hold that is an impossibility. I hold no authority over, nor do I make a claim of authority over, ANYONE's freedom of association, freedom of choice of sexual partners* or actions* what so ever at any time, for any reason.

Have I 'cheated'? The reciprocal of the above is I do not hold anyone's claims of authority or rules over my choice of sexual partners or actions at any time as valid or legitimate, ergo, it is impossible for me 'cheat' on them, as their rules are invalid and of no effect or force.


*Except for non-consent/rape.

I find the entire concept frankly, retarded**. It's oppressive, it's unfair, and it's illogical.

**and thus, anyone who holds the concept as valid to be a retard and a crank.
 
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I've been on both sides of the fence... And neither one was a good thing. I was in a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend and completely in love. And then one day, a girl that was once my friend came up to me crying and said she felt terrible for sleeping with my boyfriend. It was complete news to me! So I went to his house and confronted him about it. He felt absolutely terrible and was crying and said he would do anything possible to make it up to me. I decided to forgive him since he felt so horrible about the entire ordeal. But I still felt devastated and completely betrayed. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me and why I wasn't good enough to be enough for him.... It was the most terrible experience of my life.

As for me cheating.... I will always regret it. I was over at my friend's house with just my friend there. Me and my boyfriend had just had a terrible fight about an hour ago. And my best friend was sitting by me on the couch and comforting me while I was sobbing. And then out of nowhere, he just leaned forward and kissed me. I was shocked, but I did nothing to stop him. It felt so good to feel loved by someone and I just let it happen. It's like my mind went blank and someone else was controlling my body. To this day I am still unsure exactly why I did it... So it can be hard to be on either end of the cheating. I really hope I gave you some good insight :)
 
StAy HiGh said:
Being drunk or fucked up is never a excusable excuse. If you truly care about ur partner you dont cheat. imo the op gf sounds like she was curious and horny. Weird to sleep in a bed with another couple who are having sex, so subconsciously maybe she was hoping itd happen.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't say sleeping in the same bed with a couple warrants sexual interest whatsoever. Sometimes people just like the physical company of other people while sleeping, myself included. The rest of your comment is the bottom line of any cheating situation. Complete sobriety is even worse, but I've made that impulse decision to let someone drunkenly unclothe me after repeatedly being cheated on [in separate relationships] and it just cheapens all of my mistakes further. In my relationships, I have forgiven wholeheartedly for cheating. I think in the past, though, I've turned a blind eye to the abuses and maybe repressed it until the worst moment possible.
 
rangrz said:
Have I been cheated on? I would hold that is an impossibility. I hold no authority over, nor do I make a claim of authority over, ANYONE's freedom of association, freedom of choice of sexual partners* or actions* what so ever at any time, for any reason.

Have I 'cheated'? The reciprocal of the above is I do not hold anyone's claims of authority or rules over my choice of sexual partners or actions at any time as valid or legitimate, ergo, it is impossible for me 'cheat' on them, as their rules are invalid and of no effect or force.


*Except for non-consent/rape.

I find the entire concept frankly, retarded**. It's oppressive, it's unfair, and it's illogical.

**and thus, anyone who holds the concept as valid to a retard and a crank.
Click to expand...

amen!!!!!!!!
it's not even applicable to me because monogamy is like a hallmark holiday (valentines day) encouraged by society for some stupid fucking reason...probably stemmed from a religion. anyways, all it is, is an excuse for people to use jealousy as an emotion, which really is just a lack of self esteem when it comes right down to it.
why would you want to suppress your partner from happiness, even if it wasn't coming from you?
why hold back natural human desires? (yes, we are animals and we want to procreate aka hump)
all the cheating stuff is just blegh....unneeded
 
Ladylucid, I agree that sleeping in a bed with someone doesnt always mean sexual interest, it can just be physical companionship BUT as the OP mentioned, she was laying in bed with a couple who were having sex so that definitly is about sexual desire. About the first part, i think just laying and literally sleeping w someone can lead to sex or fooling around though, morning wood anyone?
 
StAy HiGh said:
i think just laying and literally sleeping w someone can lead to sex or fooling around though, morning wood anyone?
Click to expand...

CAN, sure. However, it is neither a necessary[you can have sex not in a bed] nor a sufficient[laying in bed-----/--->sex] condition. Thus, it is truly irrelevant.
 
^^ sure its not bound to happen, but it can potentially occur. A lot of ppl wake up horny, girls and guys, and laying close together just makes that more tempting. There is something intimate about sleeping with someone, especially if you fall asleep cuddling.
 
If it's not bound to happen, then it is impossible to logically imply that it will happen. When assigning 'guilt' to people, one can not procede a priori with regards to if the incident has actually occurred, when our knowledge of the starting state of the system does not show it to indisputably meet sufficient conditions for that incident.

That would be no different then, oh say, "herpderp people CAN rob other people, I see a person. therefore, he is guilty of robbery, since it he could, potentially rob me" the flaw here is obvious, and for this reason, the only reasonable choice is by a posteriori knowledge. i.e. empirical evidence that he has ACTUALLY robbed you.
 
I cheated on one girl in particular, and IMO there is no way to salvage a relationship after that. After coming clean she asked me if I still wanted to be with her, I said yes, and we continued dating for several months. Then we took a break, and I slept with another girl and she found out about it, and that was the end of that. Prior to that when I cheated on her I only made out with the girls, and only slept with the other girl when we were no longer dating. So my then ex decided one night to make out with me 'just to see if kissing me was still the same' but that was all that ever happened between us after I slept with that other girl.

I think that cheating on someone completely taints the relationship, and no matter how much you may love them you have to call it quits. I can picture standing on the alter at marriage and having the thought of me having cheated on the person come back to haunt me.

I have never been cheated on, but if I was I would end the relationship right away since I couldn't even see staying with someone I cheated on, so definitely couldn't stay with someone that cheated on me.
 
I have cheated and been cheated on.It hurts a lot both ways. I can never fully forgive and forget.
 
never cheated but have been cheated on. Personally, from the first time I was cheated on I end the relationship in 99% of cases as it is never the same afterwards, the thought is always in the back of your mind and comes out now and again; that and I could never trust the person again. You cheat, you kill the relationship for good.
 
i feel as though i am starting along the path to this occurring with a female i know who is married and has kids, not that i am at all trying to make it happen, i can just feel the chemistry
 
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