it is a very relevant feeling in my life
I've been rewatching the simpsons every season from 1 on w/ my current lover... we are on season 20 so i guess we've been fucking for a while
i forget when we started doing that, some time last year when i was all enamored with him and i now don't give a fuck... bitter no.... settling maybe.... indifference 110%
a lot of me (sex drugs rock and roll heart love instincts part) thinks i should move on
but the rest of me (logical rational objective mind) knows it would be a waste of time and that i'm somewhat in decline, mentally on fire [long slr diatribe i went into there]
part of me thinks i should just be single and alone for a while because other people are parasites. whatever anyone gets out of my company or presence i'll never know [aside from the bbc] so i guess people just put up with me and at least I know it and don't have "i'm awesome" blinders on (ala donald trump)
I JUST FINISHED READING TOO MUCH AND NEVER ENOUGH and it was... oh my god... so good.