Cataglyphis

[Raz]

I will march
through desert sands
sun's judgement
upturned
blistering
relentless
unwavering
devotion
today
every other day
carapace
filled with sick heat
claustrophobic
nearness of air
paradoxic
sky
that lasts forever
my only purpose
the meat
that waits
at the end
of scent’s trail
nescient
unquestioning
devoid
of reason
and dangerously
fatally
efficient.

 

[Donnie C]

This gave me visions of an eternal, vast, unrelenting desert. Like you wrote "devoid of reason." funny how such a massive space can make one feel claustrophobic, when there's nothing to relate to.

 

[Raz]

Yeah that's what I was going for, thanks Donnie!

I originally wrote this with more descriptive lines, but I wanted to see if I could make it work stripping it down to quick words....it's harder than I thought, I keep looking at it and seeing ways to improve it...

 

[copelandia.]

Although I have only recently become a regular contributor to bluelight, this poem was by far my favourite. I think your decision to strip the poem down to a bare minimum was a great idea; it showed that your choice of words were perfect, creating imagery from so few words is a true gift.

 

[up all night]

I've run out of good shit to say about you.

 

[L O V E L I F E]

Per Sir Anthony Jeselnik:

"BREVITY, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Expertly done, Raz.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i agree with up all night. your word flow is spot on