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Can't even get drunk now.

TheUltimateFixx

TheUltimateFixx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 8, 2021
Messages
3,416
So I've sworn off heroin for the sake of my relationship. I accept that as a condition. I accept he doesn't like to see me high. Unfortunately I am still chasing that mental state and am trying to replicate it with alcohol. Not only can't alcohol adequately substitute for the effect of opiates but my partner hates it when I'm excessively drunk because it leads to me being 'out of it' much the same way as when I'm high (just for MUCH LESS personal satisfaction). I dunno what to do anymore.

PS I know these posts of mine are getting repetitive. I just need to shout into the void.
 
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Ozzy Osborne said:
you're better off on heroin than heavy drinking
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Aye, sadly that's the truth.

@TheUltimateFixx I think I understand. I used to be a heavy drinker and still am sometimes. I tend to enjoy my alcohol more in excess but I don't like the hangovers. I have used heroin in the past but did not acquire a habit. I do now have a reasonable habit of lesser opiates.

I think there's two things to consider

1) What are you looking for? The buzz, the carefree oblivion? That's what these substances give you. And from my experience the more you chase that the further away it gets and the more fucked up you get. Is there another activity that can give you that release? Someone suggested exercise, there's meditation. Most people lose interest when you mention these things. But don't knock it till you try it.

2) Being with you partner is important to you but are you changing yourself for them or for you? You can only really make change for yourself. I commend you for stopping heroin. Definitely a good life choice but unless you're doing it for yourself, is it sustainable? You could transfer your habit to lesser substances, kratom, weed which are not so harmful.

Dunno. Just shouting back at your from deeper in the void... Fucking echo is crazy in here! Hope you're okaaaaaayyyyyyy-kay-kay- kay
 
Fuck benzos too they got me good I thought they yielded alcohol hangovers but the withdrawals were so much worse imo. It took me days to even figure it out it was the xan... thought somebody poisoned me or I had rapid diabetes or some shit. Diclazepam (rc, not valium) was a miracle to quit benzos. Was taking between 100 and 300mg of etiz a day at the end, quit with diclaz powder and blotters no rehab somehow.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
So I've sworn off heroin for the sake of my relationship. I accept that as a condition. I accept he doesn't like to see me high. Unfortunately I am still chasing that mental state and am trying to replicate it with alcohol. Not only can't alcohol adequately substitute for the effect of opiates but my partner hates it when I'm excessively drunk because it leads to me being 'out of it' much the same way as when I'm high (just for MUCH LESS personal satisfaction). I dunno what to do anymore.

PS I know these posts of mine are getting repetitive. I just need to shout into the void.
Click to expand...

Every time you're trying to find that mindset, get your boyfriend to fuck you, or give you head.

Pretty soon you'll associate that craving for that mindset to a craving for sex which is much more manageable.
 
Alcohol kills things. That is its main industrial use. It also kills other things it touches. I almost left my wife when she was drinking. And honestly if she were a quiet drinker I may have endured it. But she would act emotional and go down rabbit holes like the cowboy crying in his beer. No bueno. Now she sips kava all day. A kilo every 6-8 weeks. But kava does not steal (or kill) the soul like alcohol does.

When it comes to drugs a lot of us know we are not going to stop. it is part of us. In remember Jerry Garcia commenting on this. Said we just need smarter ways to get high. Kratom worked for me to get balance and not want opiates. Kave helped my wife not want alcohol. We for sure need ways to satisfy what we want but not destroy the people around us. I have always said it is a person's choice as to what they want to do. From the skin in a person is in charge of himself. But if that destructive effect reaches out to the people around us it is not from the skin in anymore. And they have a valid gripe. No one knows i use kratom, and no one knows my wife uses kava. So it is contained. And yes heroin can be contained but that is an issue with the SO.

I wish I had better answers. Be well and healthy Ultimatefix. Better days ahead. Even if there is no evidence of that. At least I keep telling myself.
 
snmfmy said:
Every time you're trying to find that mindset, get your boyfriend to fuck you, or give you head.

Pretty soon you'll associate that craving for that mindset to a craving for sex which is much more manageable.
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Yeeeaahh..
I don't really wanna use him as an instrument of behaviour modification. If he's not in thr mood I'm not gonna insist we get it on regardless
. That's what rentboys are for.
 
JackARoe said:
Alcohol kills things. That is its main industrial use. It also kills other things it touches. I almost left my wife when she was drinking. And honestly if she were a quiet drinker I may have endured it. But she would act emotional and go down rabbit holes like the cowboy crying in his beer. No bueno. Now she sips kava all day. A kilo every 6-8 weeks. But kava does not steal (or kill) the soul like alcohol does.

When it comes to drugs a lot of us know we are not going to stop. it is part of us. In remember Jerry Garcia commenting on this. Said we just need smarter ways to get high. Kratom worked for me to get balance and not want opiates. Kave helped my wife not want alcohol. We for sure need ways to satisfy what we want but not destroy the people around us. I have always said it is a person's choice as to what they want to do. From the skin in a person is in charge of himself. But if that destructive effect reaches out to the people around us it is not from the skin in anymore. And they have a valid gripe. No one knows i use kratom, and no one knows my wife uses kava. So it is contained. And yes heroin can be contained but that is an issue with the SO.

I wish I had better answers. Be well and healthy Ultimatefix. Better days ahead. Even if there is no evidence of that. At least I keep telling myself.
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I like the idea of kava. Can you advise what sort of product I should purchase? Not sourcing. Just want to know what's decent and works?
 
Denisovan said:
yeah until some dude you don't even know mixes too much fentanyl in the batch

if you could get pure heroin I'd agree, but who buys pure heroin?
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fact is alcohol is death of 1000 cuts. destroys u and everyone that cares about you so u make the call
 
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