Foreigner
Bluelight Crew
(There is already another thread happening about withdrawal but it's talking too much about the use of pharmaceuticals and for me that is barking up the wrong tree. I also wasn't sure if I should put this into the cannabis subform or ADD.)
I quit smoking weed about 2-3 weeks ago. In my history of smoking weed, there has been a naturally ebb and flow between quitting for months and then starting up again. Now though, this is the first time I've stopped smoking altogether in about 2 years. Please note: I am not willing to take any pharmaceuticals so please don't suggest them.
The initial reason why I stopped was because I contracted the flu and went through a period with high fever where my lungs felt dessicated of their moisture. The idea of adding smoke to that did not sit well with me. Instead, I tried eating the pot, and this gave me crazy hangovers and a foggy inability to deal with day-to-day life. So I decided enough was enough and I needed to cool my jets for a while. I diverge from the opinions of some who think pot is harmless. I think stimulating your brain with any kind of substance for the long-term can be harmful. In my case, it was exhausting me. It kept me up late because it was stimulating, and it reduced my alertness levels during the day.
The other reason is that I am in the process of obtaining pure ketamine because I plan to try jamshyd's ketamine regimen for depression. I am particularly interested in its potential for "resetting" receptors and increasing synaptic regrowth. My depression is treatment-resistent due to the way my body processes pharmaceuticals, so this may be my only hope at this point. His writeup indicates that he does not recommend being on other drugs during the treatment. But I digress...
I've been experiencing all the typical withdrawal problems: insomnia, irritability, anxiety and depression, etc. It has been pretty alarming for me to experience these symptoms because I have never had this problem before in the past. Unlike others who withdrawal, I am not fiending for pot and searching for crumbs. I still have quite a bit in my possession for personal use, so it's not a matter of discipline.
The insomnia is not terrible. I'm actually able to get to sleep a little bit earlier than I normally do. I feel tired around 11-1am but out of habit I push myself to stay up later (part of my insomnia is psychological and PTSD related, and it's hard for me to let go and pass out). I'm also enjoying having really clear lungs, a good sense of smell and taste again, the ability to breathe really deep and feel full of oxygen, a consciousness that is more or less clear, and knowing the independence of not needing to do a substance daily. These are all pluses.
What's bugging me right now is the depression and the complete and utter dissatisfaction I'm experiencing in life. I would like to know what the reason for this is, neurochemically. It surely isn't just psychological? It's like nothing interests me and a sort of apathy has set in. I am normally a heart centred person so this is kind of alarming. I'm not suicidal, but I'm feeling existentially uncertain and I don't get what the point of living is.
My lifestyle is pretty healthy. I workout regularly, eat very healthy, I have great friends, a loving partner, and I'm a community healer so my days are filled with positive work. (Actually, doing my work is probably the only time I feel normal and "in flow".) There is no noticeable lack in my life. So why do I feel so shitty right now?
Why would the absence of cannabis from the body prompt these feelings? What does cannabis support in the brain that offsets it? AFAIK cannabis does not deal with serotonin. Could the low level state of mind/body have something to do with dopamine receptors? Why am I falling back into depression again? It's so obvious that even my friends are noticing. I don't have a lot of support in my immediate community when I say that pot isn't good for me right now. All I get reflected back at me is the typical righteous stuff, "Well I love pot, it does wonders for me! How could it harm anyone?" It's like, please STFU already, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me.
This post is kind of all over the place. Thank you for reading. Suggestions are welcome. I've never had to deal with this before.
I love BL and I know that good advice will come soon.
I quit smoking weed about 2-3 weeks ago. In my history of smoking weed, there has been a naturally ebb and flow between quitting for months and then starting up again. Now though, this is the first time I've stopped smoking altogether in about 2 years. Please note: I am not willing to take any pharmaceuticals so please don't suggest them.
The initial reason why I stopped was because I contracted the flu and went through a period with high fever where my lungs felt dessicated of their moisture. The idea of adding smoke to that did not sit well with me. Instead, I tried eating the pot, and this gave me crazy hangovers and a foggy inability to deal with day-to-day life. So I decided enough was enough and I needed to cool my jets for a while. I diverge from the opinions of some who think pot is harmless. I think stimulating your brain with any kind of substance for the long-term can be harmful. In my case, it was exhausting me. It kept me up late because it was stimulating, and it reduced my alertness levels during the day.
The other reason is that I am in the process of obtaining pure ketamine because I plan to try jamshyd's ketamine regimen for depression. I am particularly interested in its potential for "resetting" receptors and increasing synaptic regrowth. My depression is treatment-resistent due to the way my body processes pharmaceuticals, so this may be my only hope at this point. His writeup indicates that he does not recommend being on other drugs during the treatment. But I digress...
I've been experiencing all the typical withdrawal problems: insomnia, irritability, anxiety and depression, etc. It has been pretty alarming for me to experience these symptoms because I have never had this problem before in the past. Unlike others who withdrawal, I am not fiending for pot and searching for crumbs. I still have quite a bit in my possession for personal use, so it's not a matter of discipline.
The insomnia is not terrible. I'm actually able to get to sleep a little bit earlier than I normally do. I feel tired around 11-1am but out of habit I push myself to stay up later (part of my insomnia is psychological and PTSD related, and it's hard for me to let go and pass out). I'm also enjoying having really clear lungs, a good sense of smell and taste again, the ability to breathe really deep and feel full of oxygen, a consciousness that is more or less clear, and knowing the independence of not needing to do a substance daily. These are all pluses.
What's bugging me right now is the depression and the complete and utter dissatisfaction I'm experiencing in life. I would like to know what the reason for this is, neurochemically. It surely isn't just psychological? It's like nothing interests me and a sort of apathy has set in. I am normally a heart centred person so this is kind of alarming. I'm not suicidal, but I'm feeling existentially uncertain and I don't get what the point of living is.
My lifestyle is pretty healthy. I workout regularly, eat very healthy, I have great friends, a loving partner, and I'm a community healer so my days are filled with positive work. (Actually, doing my work is probably the only time I feel normal and "in flow".) There is no noticeable lack in my life. So why do I feel so shitty right now?
Why would the absence of cannabis from the body prompt these feelings? What does cannabis support in the brain that offsets it? AFAIK cannabis does not deal with serotonin. Could the low level state of mind/body have something to do with dopamine receptors? Why am I falling back into depression again? It's so obvious that even my friends are noticing. I don't have a lot of support in my immediate community when I say that pot isn't good for me right now. All I get reflected back at me is the typical righteous stuff, "Well I love pot, it does wonders for me! How could it harm anyone?" It's like, please STFU already, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me.
This post is kind of all over the place. Thank you for reading. Suggestions are welcome. I've never had to deal with this before.
I love BL and I know that good advice will come soon.
