Eating On Speed
TJ and Strawberry conduct and write about their experiment
One day Strawberry phones her friend TJ from Australia and tells her how badly she wants an A on this final project for class, as it would put her among the top 5 highest scores and bring her grade point average from an A to an A+ , thereby ensuring a scholarship to the college of her choice with a fine reputation and being well known for their excellent courses, instructors, and exposure for aspiring actors and actresses all
throughout the country. She just had to ace this dumb pharmacology class, and then she was in! Excited and confident TJ could help her with this assignment, TJ was amused and thought the whole situation and her friend funny for the fact Strawberry reminded her so much of herself whenever she was enthused or got the
gumption to take action and complete any said project for any said reason YESTERDAY. Strawberry forgot all about the fact that although it was a bright and sunny day in the good old land down under, it was in fact very late in the USA which was why TJ was up and animated in the first place. The only problem was, it did limit TJ’s options considerably when wanting to find someone with speed at this hour. Surely there would have to be somebody, thought TJ.
Well let me try it. First I have to find some speed. It's 2:19am, I see a man walking his dog, let me ask him if he has any,” said TJ to Strawberry on the phone. "EXCUSE ME SIR,?" I'm yelling out my bedroom window here. In a louder voice, "SIR! YES U WITH THE DOG!," He's looking up at me. I'm smiling. "Oh good evening or good morning Mr. Dog Walker. How are you this lovely evening? I was wondering per chance, do
you have any speed on you? I'm sorry to bother you, but my friend Strawberry wants to know if I can eat on speed, but I don't have any at the moment so was wondering if you might be able to help a poor damsel in distress out? I'd REALLY appreciate it and I promise I'll give it right back,"
"I don't think so," the man begins. "Oh wait, I think you're in luck. I seem to have an oz or 2 that my brother must have forgotten about. Here you are. Catch!," he says throwing an Oz of speed in a bag up to my 2nd story window from the sidewalk. "WHY THANKYOU SO MUCH SIR! Strawberry will really appreciate this. I'll be done with it in 5 minutes hold on," I said. "Righteo I'll wait right under the tree with my dog. He has to piddle
anyway, so very good timing," says the man. Showing my gratitude, I hurry to the task at hand. Hmmm guess I better run downstairs and get some food. Now I have some macaroni salad, pineapple, and half an enchilada ready to be eaten. Now let's see, I'll put the bag of speed on the couch and make sure that it's fairly puncture proof before I sit on it.
Flattening the bag of speed as much as possible, ok now I'm sitting on it. Wow cool I'm on speed! It is kind of lumpy though with these rocks in it. So this is what people mean by speed bumps. Well not as comfortable simply sitting on the couch, but some folks must like lumpy seats. To each his own. Ok now let me grab the pineapple. Mmmm yes pretty good, as always. Ok the macaroni salad, yes good stuff, although truthfully I
think I prefer being on the couch sitting directly on it while eating than on speed. Finishing off the enchilada, I'm sitting up and preparing to give the kind stranger downstairs below his oz of speed back. Very important to return it the way he lent it to me. "MR. DOG WALKER THAT WAS EXTREMELY KIND OF YOU TO LEND ME YOUR SPEED. PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCERE THANKS!," I yell downstairs to him.
"Oh not at all," says the man. "Well how did you manage to eat on speed then? I do hope it enhanced your meal," he says. What a very kind man. "Yes it is certainly possible to eat on speed. It was enjoyable, although personally I think I prefer eating without being on speed, but I'm glad I got to try it. Thanks again sir, and you have a lovely evening. Feel free to try some of my speed next time you feel like going on a constitutional with your dog. I'll bet it goes good with tea and crumpets, especially at this hour," I offer. "I just
might take you up on that. All right then pleasure meeting you ma'am. Have a good evening," he says with a cheerful smile and proceeds to carry on with his pooch at this fine hour. Very friendly chap, I shall have to make sure I return the favor. Picking up the phone, I call Strawberry.
"Hi Strawberry I got your answer for you," I say in a cheerful tone of voice. "All right cool. I'll have this assignment completed tonight for college tomorrow. Thanks so much TJ I'll get an A on this project! So could you eat on speed? What was it like?," asks Strawberry. "Well there was a subtle difference eating on speed and off speed. Food tastes just as good,
although it is a bit lumpy and uncomfortable on my ass though. No wonder people complain about speed bumps! It was informative, but I think I'll stick to sitting directly on the couch. It's much more comfortable and smoother," I say. There ends that experiment. Conclusion: Yes it is possible to eat on speed, but better to eat without it. Those speed bumps sure do a good job slowing people down from eating too much though. They can help some people lose alot of weight."