HYDRO_CHRONIC
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2001
- Messages
- 2,993
i know im leaving things out but i dont know how to explain this experience ,i was always scared of anything psychadelic i once took lsd only 1 hit of blotter and had a 12 hour panic attack but here is my story i had to type this quickly because i didnt want anybody reading it in the place im at right now so forgive me for the long paragraphs
i hit a really bad spot in my life and was like i gotta do somthing,and it was crazy that i chose this route but i read about psychadelic realizations where everything clicks a aligns and i couldnt get and hardcore ones so i tried dxm ,and i mean i went over board i took it for 2 weeks everyday 100-300mg everyday and it was really crazy i realized i was pushing things away i dont know if i had dissociative personality disorder or what but i have always felt disconnected ,as a child 11 or so years old i would have ALOT of panic attacks everyday ,then a person drown when i was 14 he couldnt swim he was like 25 years old and i couldnt save him he almost drown me ,he was 6'4 250 i was around 190 pounds at the time anyway he drown and let go of me right as i was sucking in water at the bottom of a river,this made thins so bad for me ,i stuffed it down ,when people close died i stuffed it down and never showed emotion i felt ashamed that i was feeling these things and it wasnt normal i thought i was weird so i stuffed it down and drank away the pain,yes as a 14- year old i was drinking alot ,now all this seemed to flash infront of my eyes till it seem to come to a peak one morning,then bam if felt like a hge over filled water baloon burst and wased over me actuially thats what i saw in my head and i broke down in my dads camper crying and going histarical for like 30 minutes i thought i was having a breakdown i was so scared but it felt so good i weaped and balled reliving allthis shit that happened to me then i realised i dont want my life to be ABOUT drugs i wanted a life and if i got high or drank here and there it really is ok as long as it doesnt hurt other people and that it was OK that i felt these things
while taking the dxm i felt as i did when younger i was happy !! i smiled when going to bed and getting comfy and warm i had a big grin on my face like yea this is so simple but yet so great ,i stopped wanting to just sit and sulk ,i wanted to get up and do shit and i did i stopped taking it after that day and i feel different i speak my mind now ...i can actually go into large crowds and not freak out inside and want to flee...is this because dxm is like a ssri???? i didnt know this until recently is this feeling going to go away ,should i try AD's?? this was like a revalation to me man i feel like im finally lined up RIGHT inside but im scared its going to go away
i hit a really bad spot in my life and was like i gotta do somthing,and it was crazy that i chose this route but i read about psychadelic realizations where everything clicks a aligns and i couldnt get and hardcore ones so i tried dxm ,and i mean i went over board i took it for 2 weeks everyday 100-300mg everyday and it was really crazy i realized i was pushing things away i dont know if i had dissociative personality disorder or what but i have always felt disconnected ,as a child 11 or so years old i would have ALOT of panic attacks everyday ,then a person drown when i was 14 he couldnt swim he was like 25 years old and i couldnt save him he almost drown me ,he was 6'4 250 i was around 190 pounds at the time anyway he drown and let go of me right as i was sucking in water at the bottom of a river,this made thins so bad for me ,i stuffed it down ,when people close died i stuffed it down and never showed emotion i felt ashamed that i was feeling these things and it wasnt normal i thought i was weird so i stuffed it down and drank away the pain,yes as a 14- year old i was drinking alot ,now all this seemed to flash infront of my eyes till it seem to come to a peak one morning,then bam if felt like a hge over filled water baloon burst and wased over me actuially thats what i saw in my head and i broke down in my dads camper crying and going histarical for like 30 minutes i thought i was having a breakdown i was so scared but it felt so good i weaped and balled reliving allthis shit that happened to me then i realised i dont want my life to be ABOUT drugs i wanted a life and if i got high or drank here and there it really is ok as long as it doesnt hurt other people and that it was OK that i felt these things
while taking the dxm i felt as i did when younger i was happy !! i smiled when going to bed and getting comfy and warm i had a big grin on my face like yea this is so simple but yet so great ,i stopped wanting to just sit and sulk ,i wanted to get up and do shit and i did i stopped taking it after that day and i feel different i speak my mind now ...i can actually go into large crowds and not freak out inside and want to flee...is this because dxm is like a ssri???? i didnt know this until recently is this feeling going to go away ,should i try AD's?? this was like a revalation to me man i feel like im finally lined up RIGHT inside but im scared its going to go away
