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Can mother lose custody if she is going to methadone clinic

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DangerousD

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Joined
Aug 25, 2012
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My daughters mother has been going to the methadone clinic for a little over one year now. Right now we are still together although I am calculating my options after I leave her.

This is a very long story but I will try to make it short. My daughters mother is addicted to methadone and is going to the clinic for over one year. Prior to that she was using methadone from the street for a least a year. I have noticed over the past 6 months that she has been nodding out throughout the day and I think she is taking additional methadone and Xanax as well. If she were to be drug tested I would bet money Xanax would be present. (Not prescribed). I strongly feel that my daughter would be in danger if I didn't get custody of her when we break up. I have stopped allowing her to drive with her in the car. I try not to leave her alone for long periods of time. She nods out with her in her arms, standing up and I have caught her nodding while driving. Which is why I drive now. Her dose is right at 200mg per day. When confronted about nodding out, she gets defensive and denies it. She just says she is sleepy.

I can keep going for a long time with details. My main question is what all do ihave to do I order to get full custody of my daughter? Is just the fact that she is going to the methadone clinic and is addicted enough and all I need? I have taken pictures of her bottles, her nodding off and videos of her nodding. I have also found 4 bottles of frozen urine in the freezer. I'm assuming to ensure a clean piss test for her at the clinic.

I have searched all over online but and haven't really found any articles on this. Can someone please help? Personal stories would be helpful. I am very worried about the safety of my child.
 
I know how this goes I as well grew up in a household with a dad on methadone and would take xanax with them, also getting defensive when you would say anything about him nodding out. even driving yes. thankfully that was a long time ago, my dad still handled business and took care of me always. I hope you find the answers to your questions.
 
Thank you for the reply. I want to leave her and get custody if possible. I strongly believe that my environment will be much safer than her mothers home environment after I move out.

I'm searching for any first hand custody experiences. Her mother said in the begining that she wanted to eventually get off methadone. Now she says she will probably be on it for the rest of her life. Before the clinic she was taking 50 to 70mg per day. She is now up to 200mg. It shows me she is in it for the high. Especially due to the Xanax usage. Any experience will be greatly appreciated.
 
I desperately need some guidance if anyone knows or has heard anything that could help me find some answers. My daughters safety depends on it. I want to hand my attorney all the ammo I can gather.
 
I would start with talking with her, but it's hard if she's always high. Keep taking photos of evidence with dates. You could give her an ultimatum and make her take a home test that would tell you all the drugs she's on. I've seen too many people die mixing opiates and benzos and clearly she can't give her full attention to the child.

You could call CPS but then since you're living together, they would investigate you as well. But that may scare her into quitting the xanax but once she tests dirty for illicit drugs, they will stay on her ass. I'm not sure if methadone use is grounds for removing a child since she gets it legally. Only trouble with that is once the investigation is over, she will most likely go right back to her old habits. It's good you have an attorney. It might take some time for a hearing and stay with her as long as it takes. Keep gathering evidence and she will just keep digging herself deeper.

My ex was an abusive and violent drunk and I kept taking him back after so many restraining orders. I thought he would change once the baby came. But he got worse. I will never forget going into the judge's chambers asking her to let him come home. She told me "If anything happens to that baby, I'm going to hold you responsible!" Next time he got out of control I left and filed for divorce.

You're doing the right thing. Let us know what transpires. <3
 
Thank you all for you info.

Today I met with my attorney. She recommended that I bring my girlfriend in to sign a custody agreement giving me full custody including child support and with supervised visits until she can prove to be off of the illegal drugs that she is taking n top of the methadone. FYI, I recorded her on my phone admitting to taking Xanax on a regular basis. Honestly, I think she may be physically addicted. I start my new job next Monday so my nome will finally be coming in as I have been unemployed for 5 months. Thankfully I was. If I was still employed (traveling 5days per week, 6 months per year), I wouldn't be able to get custody. Plus, I wouldn't have been able to find out about how messed up she was getting in a regular basis.

So, I think their is a 50/50 chance of her signing the paperwork on the same day giving me full custody. The thing is, I can basically put her in the corner by saying that if this goes to court I will required a hair follicle drug test which will show her drug use on top of the methadone and my feelings is that if we go down that road that there is no way a judge will rule in her favor. Especially since I have the pictures, videos and audio recording of her nodding and admitting to illegal Xanax usage. My problem is that she isn't very intelligent and is very hard headed. She might think that by leaving without signing and attempting to get legal representation that I don't think she can afford anyway, that she may have a chance.

So, I need help in planning this out. Please tell me if. Should do anything different and if I am doing anything wrong. I will go ahead and get an apartment, get my stuff that is now in storage and fill it up. I have almost everything I need except beds. In the meantime, silently get, most of the stuff that I own out of her house that she wouldn't notice. Then while she is away, take my daughter, inform my attorney to go ahead and file for temporary custody with an emergency hearing. Then ask my girlfriend to meet me at my attorneys office and see if she will sign the papers. I hope that she does.

Honestly, I don't even want child support from her. I know. Well always make much more money than her. She will most likely average less than ten bucks per hour. I will be closer to 100k. I don't do drugs anymore and will come clean on hair follicle. She won't. I truly feel that i have a great chance to succeed in getting custody. Most importantly, I know that I can provide a more stable and much better living than my girlfriend.

If you all have any help, ideas, insight or worries about what I have explained, please let me now. This is a monumental part of my life and I want to do everything. Can to not make a mistake while planning my daughters future. I plan on initiating this the first week of January. After all the holidays. I'm taking a chance by taking so long but. Just want to make it past her birthday which is the beginning of dec and the holidays so my little one can have one more holiday and birthday together. Is me waiting this long a good idea? Or should I do t sooner?

Sorry for this being so long. Today has just been a very informative day as well as the start of the rest of my daughters life. If I am successful, I know that her upbringing will be so much better than it would be with her mother. Thank you all for your information. It is all helpful and I read every word.
 
Hello there, I hate the fact you're having to go through all that with your child being in the middle. I'll tell you all I know about the subject and its not guessing its from being there. I used to go to a methadone clinic for some time and they give you urine tests all the time, at least they do in FL. And they won't let you have any take home methadone unless you pass. Well that ended up being kinda bad for me because I then started doing drugs that got out of my system quickly but thats another story all together. Now it is easy to appear as if you're on other drugs when you're only on Methadone because they let you go up pretty much as high as you want to but after finding the frozen urine in the freezer I'd assume otherwise in your case as well. Its so hard for a male to get sole custody of a child especially when the mother, as messes up as she may be, is seeking treatment...which going to a methadone program is..treatment by definition. As far as the hair test goes sometimes they have a tendency to key more to cocaine then anything else but with other things besides the cocaine (if they find that bye by kids) they have to prove the parent is using in front of the child. Also there are hair treatments that, trust me, do work.... Just be really careful with videos because there are alot of laws about that that may work in her favor. Let me know how it goes though and remember everyone is a human. I had to let go and live on with the past being left there but me, I'm an optimist.
 
homeless ---> SLR

i figured this is the best forum as the question is from a man looking to leave his wife. i know there are several regulars who can hopefully provide him with guidance.
 
I would take photos of the frozen urine then discard it. But that is good evidence of her trying to get around drug testing at the clinic. Ask your attorney for an emergency hearing. Don't wait because the judge might say "if it was such a bad situation, why did you stay so long?" Only going from my own shitty experiences with judges. Personally, I would get the hell out as soon as legally possible but not without your daughter. Your lawyer can give the best advice and to get an emergency hearing won't take that long. Given the fact that you are starting a new job and getting a new place, this is the perfect time to try and get custody. They could grant her supervised visitation which in her condition I think would be best. She put herself in this position and you don't know what could happen leaving her in charge of the child whilst you're starting a new job. That's an added worry for you don't need.
 
my 2 cents... Is that no matter what addictions she has the fact of the matter is that your daughter is also her daughter. I remind you to keep that in mind. Both moms and dads have been raked over the coals when it come to their kids, and being able to see them. Just something to think about.
 
iheartthisthread said:
my 2 cents... Is that no matter what addictions she has the fact of the matter is that your daughter is also her daughter. I remind you to keep that in mind. Both moms and dads have been raked over the coals when it come to their kids, and being able to see them. Just something to think about.
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The mother should be given a chance to go to rehab to sort out the drug problem. I had been there not to that extent, but still bad because I felt being prescribed medications was okay. The fact is I was still impaired so rehab was the only way I could quit for good. This is why I feel it's imperative for the father to be extra vigilant. Mother no doubt has a tolerance built up but mixing opiates and benzos is a recipe for disaster, especially taking methadone.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that if she's using xanax daily, she can get very bad withdrawals or even seizures going without it. So the best thing to do is ask her to check into hospital. If she refuses to get help, you can't say you didn't try to help her. Document this as well. Put it to her this way, What's more important, your child or getting high?
 
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My point was more about the kid(s) being able to see both parents.

Even people that have been on drugs or are on drugs have feelings and missing their kids can make bad situations worse. I've seen it happen. Kids deserve to know both mom and dad.
 
I read every post and didn't find ANYTHING about two also very important factors in this case.

First - are you sure she even wants custody? Seems like she knows that she couldn't handle that anyway in her condition. What kind of mother she is? Does she at least try to hide it from your child? Or is she already in a phase where she doesn't care about keeping up appearances? If it's the latter - she might greet new freedom (to get high).

Secondly - what your daughter wants? If she already prefers being with dad, then it is definitely very powerful factor helping you case.
 
iheartthisthread said:
My point was more about the kid(s) being able to see both parents.

Even people that have been on drugs or are on drugs have feelings and missing their kids can make bad situations worse. I've seen it happen. Kids deserve to know both mom and dad.
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I see your point. I do. And I have taken very carefull steps in trying to help her and you can ask anyone that knows everything about this situation, they would have left much earlier. She has asked for money to go buy my daughter clothes and came back high on drugs and no clothes. I allowed her to go ahead and join in the clinic thinking she wanted lower her dowse and come off it. She entered at 50 to 70mg per day and is now on 200. So she is taking a very large dose of methadone and adding Xanax. She is in it to get high. It's sad to see her doing my daughters hair and nodding out. Or looking over at my daughter watching a movie on her lap while she nodded out. It's sad. I agree with visitation. Just not unsupervised. At least until she can prove herself to be awake and no in la la land the whole time.

I have an opportunity that most men don't. I may be able to have full custody of my child. And I honestly will be able to look back and know in my heart that I had done everything to help her mother before I left.

We went trick or treating tonight and she didn't even want to get out I the car. I allowed her to go ahead and drive behind us but when t came time for us toget back in, I asked her to get in the passengers side. I can't even trust her to drive us to go home. I'm too afraid she will nod out at the wheel. It's tragic. But true.
 
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T. Calderone said:
The mother should be given a chance to go to rehab to sort out the drug problem. I had been there not to that extent, but still bad because I felt being prescribed medications was okay. The fact is I was still impaired so rehab was the only way I could quit for good. This is why I feel it's imperative for the father to be extra vigilant. Mother no doubt has a tolerance built up but mixing opiates and benzos is a recipe for disaster, especially taking methadone.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that if she's using xanax daily, she can get very bad withdrawals or even seizures going without it. So the best thing to do is ask her to check into hospital. If she refuses to get help, you can't say you didn't try to help her. Document this as well. Put it to her this way, What's more important, your child or getting high?
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She hasn't said how long she has been taking Xanax. Her brother (almost identical situation) said she is dependent on Xanax. How long does someone have to take Xanax to be addicted? I have offered rehab. Even offered to pay for her brothers. She is in denial about the Xanax. She now says she might be in methadone for her lifetime. When she joined she said she wanted to come off of it.
 
DangerousD said:
She hasn't said how long she has been taking Xanax. Her brother (almost identical situation) said she is dependent on Xanax. How long does someone have to take Xanax to be addicted? I have offered rehab. Even offered to pay for her brothers. She is in denial about the Xanax. She now says she might be in methadone for her lifetime. When she joined she said she wanted to come off of it.
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You're in a rough situation. I feel sad that she couldn't walk with her little girl for trick or treats. Addiction is a disease and she might have had intended to lower her dose. But you can see she's taking more, I mean 200 mg is a lot. The junkies at the shelter I worked at were on 80-100 max and I could see how fucked up they were. Benzos vary from person to person but from using daily, you can get physically addicted in a month depending on how much you take.

So you have offered rehab and she refused. Ask her again and this time give her an ultimatum. You have been very patient so far and remember your daughter depends on you for a stable future. You're doing everything you can do and if this lady will not get help then she does not deserve primary custody. Maybe you getting custody will give her a wake up call. Unfortunately, I've seen a few women slip furthur into addiction once they lose their kids. The attitude is just "fuck it" because that's the addictive mindset that makes you want to numb yourself even more.

Keep doing everything by the book and take your attorney's advice. I would dispose of her frozen urine too. To let her keep going like this is sort of enabling her to keep getting high in a sense. She needs to learn there are consequences to bad behavior. If I were you I would have a serious talk with her before she goes to the clinic and tell her this is getting out of hand. Maybe she will come around, maybe not. Don't put it off. You can pm me anytime if you want to talk more about it. I've seen 5 people die this past year alone from mixing drugs. Each time it broke my heart. :(
 
First of all, I am pretty sure that video taping and recording someone without their consent in the context of which you are doing it is against the law. What has your lawyer said about this? On top of that, I am also quite certain that it would not be permissible in court.

Second, does she have ANY resources that you are not considering? Like someone already said, the bond between mother and child can be strong. What I'm getting at is that if she is smart, she will get a lawyer. I know someone who was in a custody battle with a deadbeat dad. What she didn't expect was that the guy's mother financed his attorney. The custody battle lasted a long time and the lawyers milked them for tens of thousands of dollars in fees. The deadbeat would have NEVER been able to afford it and I'm pretty sure his mother (the baby's grandmother) wanted the baby more than him.

Finally, I don't think you've said how old your daughter is. Is she old enough to be aware of all this? If she is then she may get mad at you for trying to take her away from her mom. I'm just saying that depending on their age, kids can have a hard time understanding what's going on so you should still try to be respectful and not make her mom out to be such a bad person. At least not until she's old enough to know what methadone and xanax are.

Keep us posted.
 
Depends what state you live in. Here in Florida, video recording is fair game. Like with the Kathy Willets case, but wiretaping or audio recording would be thrown out of court. If the child's mother was smart, she would make an honest effort to at least SLOW DOWN the methadone instead of increasing it. Saying that you need to be on it for life is a cop out. Mixing with xanax is deadly. Your attorney will give you the right answers as to what's allowed in your jurisdiction.

Like I said earlier, she is caught up in addiction. It's a disease, not a decision. She needs help or that little girl may grow up with no mother at all.
 
Video recording is admissible in the state if alabama per my attorney.

The mother may or may not get an attorney but she does have to prove herself fit as well as her home environment. I can prove her unfit. Proof of Xanax usage without prescription, proof of nodding out with child in have and many other situations, testimonials from her own mother and audio recording from her own mother saying that her daughter is unsafe to be left alone with my daughter.

My daughters mither doesn't have anything on me other than saying that I har used pain relievers in the past but cannot prove anything as I can test clean at any given time as I am clean. She can't.
 
I imagine if you showed her the videos of herself, she may decide to clean up her act. If I were in her shoes, it would be a wake up call. You should have a final talk with her about going to rehab.
If she still won't go, it's not your fault. You tried to get her help. Don't put it off, you have a new job lined up and can't afford to wait.
 
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