Can I fix this relationship

[Memphispimp]

...or am I beating a long dead horse

(Btw this is memphis10...forgot my pw)

So I've been dating this girl on and off for close to 2 years now.

Since I met her she lived over an hour away so seeing each other very regularly has been hard. This is the story:

We met and started getting serious very soon. I hid my dope addiction from her for a long time. About 6 months in I got in trouble and went to jail for 4 months. I got out and got on my feet (not after being homeless 3 months never seeing her).

Since March when I started getting back on my feet, I have been doing great. Our dream was always a place of our own. Background : she lives in a small hick town and hates it. She got a DUI when she was young and still doesn't have a license. She never graduated hs. This makes it really hard for her to work.

Anyways. The only snag in our relationship was the distance and my jealousy. She's a very pretty girl and party's a lot and it was hard for me because she goes out constantly, never has money or a ride so I know dudes are paying hell she's the best looking girl in town.

Fast forward to a few months ago I finally get a place of my own and move her in. We'd been back together for a few months at this time seeing each other every weekend. Not 3 wks after she moves in I go to use my iPad and her facebooks up and I saw shed been fucking an ex for months. I kick her out on the spot.

We don't talk for a couple months. I'm still doing GREAT...got a almost 40k a yr job, but I travel constantly. Before we started talking again she got Into a horrible motorcycle wreck and almost died. I thought this would change her.

Anyways. She still parties. Hangs w the same crew. No job. No license. No ged. Lives w her mom. She has none of this but can still go out 5x a week. She says she can't work cuz she still has road rash. Bullshit.

I love this girl but she brings nothing to the table. I can't make her have ambition. She doesn't DO anything. It's link she's setting herself up to be a housewife. I work SO hard and I could support us but I'm not doing that. And she fucking cheated on me! I am a really good looking guy (not bragging). While we were split I was dating girls w degrees, better looking...etc. but I only feel right w her. As I type this I'm n boston working. She's in Alabama with girlfriends partying. She lives in this little bullshit town and has no shortage of guys willing to take her out and buy her drinks. It crushes me. And honestly is threatening my sobriety. I know I could do SO much better. eVERYONE tells me that.

I can't make her have ambition. She says she'll find work when she heals. I could move her w me but I'm gone so much and she doesn't know anyone in the area. I had her painting houses w me during the day when she stayed w me. She's not gonna change and it hurts so bad. I'd give this girl the world. She's too immature to believe it. I beat drug addiction and homelessness really for HER.

I'm sad bluelight

Don't tell me to go find a hotter girl. I do that every time we split. I can get all the ass on the world, BETTER ass, and it doesn't matter.

Btw were both 24

 

[Memphispimp]

It boils down to maturity.

She's a girl. She gets whatever she wants.
I'm a guy. I have to work and pay for everything.
She has no concept of the word responsibility

 

[Ksa]

We don't talk for a couple months. I'm still doing GREAT...got a almost 40k a yr job, but I travel constantly. Before we started talking again she got Into a horrible motorcycle wreck and almost died. I thought this would change her.

Great God. I'll pretend I never read that. Don't say that again to anyone.

To answer your question, I have graduated from a university in both Chemistry and Chemical engineering. I hold a College Diploma from a French private school, on top of a Brevet diploma. I can't find a job, anywhere. The fact that she has no high-school diploma is irrelevant. No one hires young people without experience nowadays whether they have a high-school diploma or 10 PhDs. I am clueless how you got yours, perhaps you can share your secrets but if you have to travel a lot, I assume it's not a job worth keeping.

What's your real issue? She doesn't want to do anything, she has no ambition, she only wants to party. My brain cannot compute. I am an engineer, with 119 diagnosed IQ. My brain cannot understand, if you can further help me I may help you back.

Are you jealous on her because she is spoiled? Isn't that why women exist on Earth? To be spoiled and cared for so they can care in their turn for their babies? I don't understand.

 

[Memphispimp]

Great God. I'll pretend I never read that. Don't say that again to anyone.

To answer your question, I have graduated from a university in both Chemistry and Chemical engineering. I hold a College Diploma from a French private school, on top of a Brevet diploma. I can't find a job, anywhere. The fact that she has no high-school diploma is irrelevant. No one hires young people without experience nowadays whether they have a high-school diploma or 10 PhDs. I am clueless how you got yours, perhaps you can share your secrets but if you have to travel a lot, I assume it's not a job worth keeping.

What's your real issue? She doesn't want to do anything, she has no ambition, she only wants to party. My brain cannot compute. I am an engineer, with 119 diagnosed IQ. My brain cannot understand, if you can further help me I may help you back.

Are you jealous on her because she is spoiled? Isn't that why women exist on Earth? To be spoiled and cared for so they can care in their turn for their babies? I don't understand.

Uh dude

I didn't say the wreck was good. We'd been broken up for 2 months not talking and I get a fb message from her w pics of the wreck. She started saying shit about things being in perspective. Not wasting time. I thought it meant she'd change. It didn't. I would die before I wanted her to hurt.

You have a 119 iq. Try to imagine this. You wake up in the morning. You either do something productive. Or u don't. She doesn't. She parties. And acts like at this point she can't work bc of scratches.

And not having a GED is a block from TONS of jobs. Especially entry level. She could get her diploma easily. That would open doors. It's paperwork and one test. She won't do it. Mcdonalds won't hire u with a diploma.

My issue: she isn't trying for anything better in life and thinks shit will fall on her lap. I'm not jealous because she is spoiled. I mean I'd love to be able to sit on my ass and hav shit done for me but that isn't the way it works for the world especially men. If she worked, it would take up some of her time. When u have no responsibility and no reason to have any you stop growing and maturing. She's At the age u start making shit hPpen.

Maybe u can't get a job because
A) no one in USA Cares about a French private school
B) you come off as a huge arrogant cunt
C) you have no reading comprehension
D) lying about IQ.

Hopefully u misunderstood ab the wreck and were just mad. If not. Take ur unemployed arrogant French ass back to Paris.

 

[EP158207]

Um lol that escalated quickly.

Memphis, perhaps the root of your matter is that you two are very different in regard to how you see life. You are clearly ambitious, and in the pursuit of having the best life possible that you can. She is more laid back, and willing to see where life takes her. Also, it could be that she doesn't have the self esteem to see that if she tries hard, she can succeed in getting a Hs diploma and bettering herself.

From what I see you have two options:
1. Wait for her, continue to support her even if she does continue to go back to partying. In time she may settle down and do so with you.
2. Leave and find someone else.

As you don't want to do the latter, I'd just say get back with her and give her another shot, try as hard as you can to help her along to a HS diploma and a better job, or even support her as she lives with you. Maybe introduce her to some friends in the area you live so she doesn't feel lonely when you travel. Better yet, take her with you.

Will you be able to look past the cheating?

 

[Tude]

OP, you've answered your own question multiple times. Forget about this girl already! Keep working on yourself, don't worry about getting into another relationship. When you find a girl that's actually worth your time, you'll have your shit together.

Btw, good job on the positive things you've already done!

 

[Ksa]

Uh dude

I didn't say the wreck was good. We'd been broken up for 2 months not talking and I get a fb message from her w pics of the wreck. She started saying shit about things being in perspective. Not wasting time. I thought it meant she'd change. It didn't. I would die before I wanted her to hurt.

You're right, the wreck wasn't good...it didn't change her! It was a failure! Don't try to pass that as legitimate behavior. It is abnormal to have such a thought, acknowledge that you have some hidden evil in you and refrain from having such thoughts in the future. Anyways.

Maybe u can't get a job because
A) no one in USA Cares about a French private school
B) you come off as a huge arrogant cunt
C) you have no reading comprehension
D) lying about IQ.

Hopefully u misunderstood ab the wreck and were just mad. If not. Take ur unemployed arrogant French ass back to Paris.

Oh oh. Having Borderline Personality Disorder? You want to throw me out of your life and never see me again just like you want to throw her, just because you can't win an argument? You have serious emotional problems.

Anyways. Why does she have to put up with you? She's a joyful person, likes to party, likes to enjoy life. You say she brings nothing to the table, well, what do you? Drama? Disappointment? These are all symptoms of emotional problems. You feel so disappointed in other people. They don't strive enough do they?

If you're really that good, provide for her and her child, support her, and never mention it to her under any circumstances. Anyways.

...or am I beating a long dead horse
still doesn't have a license.
She never graduated hs.
Anyways.
shed been fucking an ex for months.
I kick her out on the spot.
she got Into a horrible motorcycle wreck and almost died. I thought this would change her.
Anyways.
She still parties. Hangs w the same crew. No job. No license. No ged. Lives w her mom.
She says she can't work cuz she still has road rash. Bullshit.
she brings nothing to the table. I
She doesn't DO anything.
It's link she's setting herself up to be a housewife.
she fucking cheated on me!
She's not gonna change and it hurts so bad.
She's too immature to believe it.

Shame on you for talking like this about a woman. It's despicable. Anyways.

Do you know that it is mentioned in the Qur'an 1,400 years ago that the man should provide for his family; that the wife is free to get a job if she desires, but if she does not desire so, the husband cannot force her; and if she gets a job, the full revenue she earns at that job goes to her alone, whilst the husband revenue is shared and used to provide for her and the family?

Why do you think that is? I got a fake 119 IQ, maybe it is 90 maybe it is 70, perhaps you can enlighten me :D

Anyways.

 

[blue1995]

You want different things out of life than she does. A woman doesn't have to have career ambition, that's why it's called a choice. If you don't like it, we could trade you periods, pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing. Boom. Problem solved.

 

[T. Calderone]

Memphis, you didn't say how old your girlfriend is but she sounds like she hasn't found her direction yet. I think it is important for her to complete her education, at least high school. If she doesn't, this will be an obstacle for her to find a job and she can't depend on her mother or anyone else indefinitely for financial support. We're not living in horse and buggy days anymore, both men and women in our society are expected to become productive citizens.

If you want to resume a relationship with her, you will have to have this discussion and make your expectations clear. You're not asking that much for her to at least get her high school equivalency, it's for her own good. She can't be a party girl forever, and people who are enabling this behavior are doing her the greatest disservice. Sooner or later she will have to grow up and support herself. Maybe she needs some encouragement, tell her how you feel and go from there.

 

[Memphispimp]

Thanks guys.

A lot of you are echoing what my real life friends are saying. That she's kinda dead weight.

My dilemma is trying to figure out whether her lack of ambition is worthy of ending the relationship. Remember I did some bad shit too with drugs.

I have told her how I feel. It's always she's waiting "another year to get her license back" or something lame like that. I do love her and would totally hold her hand through the process of getting on her feet. I just want to see her TRY ya know. Make an EFFORT. I worked 140 hrs the last 2 weeks. It wasn't fun. But that's life. She just doesn't get it. And being surrounded by enablers who don't ask her anything besides be pretty...

Where we are at now is half dating half not. We still talk everyday. She said she'd start looking for a job in 2 weeks. She's gonna have to find a job w no education no work experience DUI charge etc. and a ride everyday. It seems impossible but I was homeless just 8 months ago.

And I am NOT the kind of person who has to be in a relationship 24/7. I love going to the bar getting drunk and chasing tail. I have some really good girlfriends I don't see as much when I'm with her. It's just she has her hooks in me. As much as I can write about her faults, I could say good things as well.

I just don't know if I have time to wait. It hurts being stuck on the road and knowing she's at a party...drunk...mind wanders....

 

[Memphispimp]

You want different things out of life than she does. A woman doesn't have to have career ambition, that's why it's called a choice. If you don't like it, we could trade you periods, pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing. Boom. Problem solved.

I want to move to Washington state and grow chronic , own my own bathtub refinishing business, not be a millionaire but comfortable ( and see as many furthur and panic shows as possible ) . That's her dream too. We just have different ways do making that happen.

I feel like her dad sometimes trying to tell her this simple basic shit. And that is not me. I'm probably more laid back than her.

I mean what do u call someone who never graduated hs, still lives at home, never worked, parties all the time, wastes opportunities to better herself, is in her mid 20s....

 

[Memphispimp]

I never thought I could say this, but I can look past the cheating.

It happened at a time I was still getting on me feet and she had no reason to believe I'd stay clean and actually do it. I've been in her shoes before...I know how it is. It bothers me how long it went on. But I shot dope without her knowing for forever. It hurt her. She is a girl. She wanted security. Blah blah blah. She gets another shot.

 

[Ksa]

Memphis, you didn't say how old your girlfriend is but she sounds like she hasn't found her direction yet. I think it is important for her to complete her education, at least high school. If she doesn't, this will be an obstacle for her to find a job and she can't depend on her mother or anyone else indefinitely for financial support. We're not living in horse and buggy days anymore, both men and women in our society are expected to become productive citizens.

If you want to resume a relationship with her, you will have to have this discussion and make your expectations clear. You're not asking that much for her to at least get her high school equivalency, it's for her own good. She can't be a party girl forever, and people who are enabling this behavior are doing her the greatest disservice. Sooner or later she will have to grow up and support herself. Maybe she needs some encouragement, tell her how you feel and go from there.

If by we, you mean Americans, as of 2010, over 1.6 billion or about 23.4% of the world population are Muslims. Americans are only 317,095,000, or 4.45% of the world population, and 0.8% of that are Muslims so the final figure is 4.41%. There's 5.3 times more people living in what you insultingly call "horse and buggy" days, and who will gladly welcome the sister to Islam. I am not a Muslim, I'm an atheist but from what I've read in this topic, the worst Muslim in the world would treat her with more compassion than the OP.

I mean what do u call someone who never graduated hs, still lives at home, never worked, parties all the time, wastes opportunities to better herself, is in her mid 20s....

A citizen of Earth.

 

[T. Calderone]

I get what you're saying Ksa, but Memphispimp is living in the United States so we have some common ground. I think he understands what I was trying to convey. You don't have to keep injecting your Muslim rhetoric into every post here. If you want to use that logic, what does the Quran say about women being drunk or high? You're the person who's being insulting so give it a rest already and quit trolling.

Great way to derail his thread. Nice pictures, Memphis! You guys look cute together.

 

[Memphispimp]

If by we, you mean Americans, as of 2010, over 1.6 billion or about 23.4% of the world population are Muslims. Americans are only 317,095,000, or 4.45% of the world population, and 0.8% of that are Muslims so the final figure is 4.41%. There's 5.3 times more people living in what you insultingly call "horse and buggy" days, and who will gladly welcome the sister to Islam. I am not a Muslim, I'm an atheist but from what I've read in this topic, the worst Muslim in the world would treat her with more compassion than the OP.



A citizen of Earth.

Or unemployed. Like you. LoL

 

[Ksa]

I get what you're saying Ksa, but Memphispimp is living in the United States so we have some common ground. I think he understands what I was trying to convey. You don't have to keep injecting your Muslim rhetoric into every post here. If you want to use that logic, what does the Quran say about women being drunk or high? You're the person who's being insulting so give it a rest already and quit trolling.

Great way to derail his thread. Nice pictures, Memphis! You guys look cute together.

I'll answer your question real quick. Intoxicants of any kind are forbidden in Islam, so memph would have a problem with that since he used dope and was sent to jail or else he would have kept using. Saying he did it for her is what he refers to as "bullshit". He did it because he was sent to jail and physically couldn't procure himself the substance.

On one hand, a country that sends citizens to jail for what they choose to put in their bodies is in no way more evolved than Iran who hangs homosexuals. On the other hand, pedophilia is allowed in Islam, one can marry a 10 y.o. and have sex with her. It's perfectly allowed so from this point of view, Iran is far more open minded than USA who imprisons citizens for underage sex.

You would be surprised to hear that in Muslim countries, 80 year olds can marry 13 year olds and are perfectly accepted by society, whereas in America, 18 y.o. marrying 80 y.o. are treated as gold diggers and disrespected. We could go all day with this discussion but as you reminded me, I do not want to further derail the thread.

 

[lola]

OP, I only have this to say:

When we behave towards people who are close to us in ways which suggest that we know better than them what choices they should make - e.g. if you keep pushing your own agenda of how she should change (even if you're right!)... all she's going to internalise is that her behaviour is YOUR responsibility, not hers.

She will need to grow up at her own pace. Maybe she'll have a career and maybe she won't. Maybe she'll be a housewife, maybe not. But you can't force maturity or insight on anyone. All you're doing now is acting like a nagging parent which only further reinforces her not taking responsibility for her own life.

I'd say let her go with an invitation to get back in touch if/when she wants to settle down. You may or may not be single still by then but at least it leaves a door open to get back together when you're both in the same place. For now, focus on work and on finding meaning in life beyond obsessing over someone who is clearly not ready for a deeper commitment. She clearly still has a lot to learn about yourself, but so do you

 

[Ksa]

^ 10/10

 

[llama112]

You obviously know you aren't right for each other. You need to make sure she's out of your life completely. When there is something or someone negative in your life, you need to remove it or him or her from your life.

 

[dopemaster]

Well if she is cheating on you, she doesn't really give a flying fuck about your relationship, so no you cannot fix this.

Really you are just torturing yourself. Its pretty obvious she uses her looks and pussy to get what she wants. If she has no ambition other than to be a housewife, then she will end up a housewife that cheats, because she is a cheater. Sounds like a bitch to me. I don't know why you want her.

The phrase would be "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife."