The Shadow Self
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 653
I haven't been around for a while, largely because I have been dealing with a divorce and a major addiction to first Acetyl Fentanyl, then Butyr Fentanyl, a couple of the bigger mistakes that I have ever made.
I knew what I was doing. I knew at some point I would have to pay the piper, and fucking pay I did (and still am).
I started buying it in 5 gr batches and going through it all. I was going through about 5 grams a month, in the end, for about 9 months, and it was just brutal.
With such a short half-life, I was in withdrawals by 3 hours after dosing, so I couldn't even get a night's sleep without waking up at least once or twice to dose a little just to keep the withdrawals at bay.
So long story short, if you are in deep at all with these chemicals, if and when you run out or go cold turkey, get ready to have your life turned upside-down. I have detoxed off of several opiates/opioids, including morphine, and the morphine withdrawals were fun compared to BF and AF. I am telling you, literally the most brutal experience of my life, especially when I literally did not sleep for the better part of 2 weeks and even now, I am a month clean of that shit and still not able to sleep without slamming myself with trazadone, which I hate but need to fucking get a couple hours of shit sleep.
I just thought I'd take the time to fess up and admit my stupid choice to get hooked on that shit and share the absolute and total nightmare detoxing off of that shit is. A total, and complete, utter nightmare come to life. And the PAWS is fucking still slaying me right now, which is why I am depressed as fuck, still, unmotivated, and cannot sleep. All I know is I can't wait to get fucking normal again, and it's slow in coming.
Thanks for listening, and I hope someone reads this and get's something from it.
I knew what I was doing. I knew at some point I would have to pay the piper, and fucking pay I did (and still am).
I started buying it in 5 gr batches and going through it all. I was going through about 5 grams a month, in the end, for about 9 months, and it was just brutal.
With such a short half-life, I was in withdrawals by 3 hours after dosing, so I couldn't even get a night's sleep without waking up at least once or twice to dose a little just to keep the withdrawals at bay.
So long story short, if you are in deep at all with these chemicals, if and when you run out or go cold turkey, get ready to have your life turned upside-down. I have detoxed off of several opiates/opioids, including morphine, and the morphine withdrawals were fun compared to BF and AF. I am telling you, literally the most brutal experience of my life, especially when I literally did not sleep for the better part of 2 weeks and even now, I am a month clean of that shit and still not able to sleep without slamming myself with trazadone, which I hate but need to fucking get a couple hours of shit sleep.
I just thought I'd take the time to fess up and admit my stupid choice to get hooked on that shit and share the absolute and total nightmare detoxing off of that shit is. A total, and complete, utter nightmare come to life. And the PAWS is fucking still slaying me right now, which is why I am depressed as fuck, still, unmotivated, and cannot sleep. All I know is I can't wait to get fucking normal again, and it's slow in coming.
Thanks for listening, and I hope someone reads this and get's something from it.