Broken

[New]

Bled dry, choked blue, dried thin...
Is this my fate? Washed and waxed
to cover up the lost emotion, posting
an emoticon with a D for happy or
X for rage...but the click is a lie.
There no licks in my
mind...just waves of
mediocrity blattering in
the wrong organs, feigning
care when none flares,
just a void that wants
attention...thunder in the head
when the heart stays lost...

 

[exoiced]

This poem really struck a chord with me. The desperation and despair seem to come across very well, I think because of the word use, the emotion kind of pours out, clever and well put together.

just a void that wants
attention...thunder in the head
when the heart stays lost...

...Powerful ending.

 

[doofqueen]

That's wicked! I'm no good at critiquing but it's god a mad tempo and the way that it all sounds in my head is like drums. I liked it! Felt raw.

 

[realm]

This is is an awsome piece man. I'd pick a favorite line but really I like them all. You kept it short and sweet and really chose your words well. Entertaining to say the least and very though provoking.

 

[RareForm]

that last bit i mended with. i really like this. laconic and familiar.

 

[(Wordy)]

Awesome stuff, New... Love the opening line, the fact that 'the click is a lie' and 'blattering in / the wrong organs'. But why pick out favourites? The whole poem is solid.

One small thing, though. Should it read, 'There are no licks in my / mind'? I wouldn't normally draw attention to a typo (if it is a typo), but with a poem as potent as this one, I want to make sure I have the text right, so I can make my own meaning out of the one you meant without any errors in the transmission. (I think I just opened a major philosophical can o' worms regarding the possibility of intention and interpretation, but you get that... )

On the other hand, I thought you might be saying that the word (or the meaning/sense of the word) 'no' licks in the mind? And that would be kinda cool too, if that's what you meant... but the words that follow ('just waves of / mediocrity') seem to weigh against that interpretation.

 

[New]

Sorry guys, mental breakdown...should've seen it coming with this poem, eh?

But I thank you all, and yes (Wordy), your definition of the phrase would be the correct one, upon rereading it.