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"Break The Circuit"...trying out a new style with my poetry, feedback please?

Franklin Waters

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 30, 2010
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"Break The Circuit"...trying out a new style with my poetry, feedback please?

This is a poem called "Break The Circuit." It is about the unleashing of overpowering emotions and the pure havoc that is created when untamed emotions are released. I tried a new style with this one, everyone please let me know what you think.
----------------------------------------------------
Superfluous energy
pulsing and raving through my body,
raw.
I am a circuit.

A circuit for the manic, misunderstood jolts,
foster children in my electric veins
that nobody took the time to comprehend.

A circuit for the undomesticated beasts
of rage, running frenzied orbits
through my body.

A circuit for the violently-trembling
electrodes of vengeance, creatures of fury
running rampant in me.

Shall the energy be forever perpetuating?
No--the circuit must eventually be shattered;
releasing murderous particles into the vulnerable air,
splitting multiple atoms in its hungry wake,
sending electrified needles into the open space
which feeble men occupy.
There must be some outlet--some way
to liberate the endlessly cycling
molecules of agony
from my convulsing system--
free the microscopic killers--
science be damned, I am a creature
of ire!

Let the wild monsters overthrow all existing order;
let them wind up into an explosive steam
and detonate in the faces of my oppressors;
let them electrocute any challengers with barbaric acrimony;
let them destroy all.
Break
the circuit--
 
Pretty cool man, I like mix of scientific references and literary techniques. When I just started reading it the references to circuits almost seemed awkward, but towards the end I though it worked out fine.
 
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Yeah, when I first started the poem I wasn't quite sure about the whole circuit thing but it sort of grew on me as I continued writing. Thanks for the opinion man.
 
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