I think a job for anybody no matter the job, it just helps you feel motivated and self confident. I think it would be good for him. I can tell that his self confidence would be so much better if he had one. I know he feels bad about it when we sit down and talk about it. I think he feels not having a job is easier than trying and then failing.
I feel he grew up with people in his life where he just accepted that its ok to live like this. His bar for what is ok for himself is lower than me, he doesn't even realize his full potential. He dropped out of school when he was very young. I don't think he feels he's able to accomplish much and its easier to just sit at home and get high and that's the life he choose.
He'll eventually get a wake up call and realize hell have to work or at least get finance together and accept that life comes with responsibility and you can't just live like you're 14 forever. I just don't want to be brought down pickin up his slack until he figured it out but if I have to make sacrifices until then I will because I already plan to be with him forever, he feels the same. We'd have gotten married if we had the money.
Btw a few people asked our ages. He's 23 and I'm 26. I don't mind the age difference, and actually because of my personality I prefer guys a little younger. Im very fast paced and I still like partying and having fun on my days off more than most people my age, but on the rest of the days of the week I work my ass off so I can afford the luxuries.
I do know when I was 23 though I was just figuring out how to grow up and it took failures and success to finally figure out myself. I realize I might have to give him a few extra years to catch up to where I'm at or even where other guys his age are at.
I think he needs to know he doesn't have to settle for being like this. He hates that he's like this and when we talk about it he just appologizes over and over again. He generally feels remorse. If I wasn't here I think it would be easier for him to accept being like this, but he doesn't want to be like this for me. He doesn't know where to start I think to change himself for the better.
About the weed, I wouldn't mind if he could regulate himself. It's like, if we get it he doesn't have to smoke it all up being on it constantly until its gone. Kind of like if someone put a couple things of vodka in the house and instead of making one drink at night and make it last a few weeks, you go and drink constantly during the day for 3 days until its gone.
I know he'll respect not getting more. I let him know that I gave him the last few weeks as a test to see if he could regulate himself and he proved he couldn't. He agreed he knew messed up and kinda obsessed over it until it was gone. I told him in a few months from now well try again and it will be up to him to prove then he can have it around and use it in moderation instead of binging on it non stop and feending out for it trying to trade stuff for it when were not even out. He said he knows he messed up for that and regrets it and that he just sabotaged himself.
As for getting his finances together, he has to go out of state (his families bars are 3 states away). I just hope that its not just a temporary fix if we do sell one. We're both bad with money and I could see us burning through 40-50k very easy if we're just sitting at home having fun all the time.
I also think if he can go back and get any kind of schooling it would be good for him. I don't think he thinks he can do it. I know he can though. He's lazy lol but he's bright. I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't have an intelligent conversation with. I want to be with him and by his side and encourage him to do so much more than he thinks he can. He had very rough life, he grew up as a child with people shooting up in his home and where shit like that is ok and normal, his mom was dead by the time he was 4 and his dad was born in the 20s so he's mostly been old and sick so he was raised by junkie neighbors, abused and dropped out of school in middle school, got messed up in speed for about 2 years, was clean for around 3 or 4 now (he never wants to do that stuff ever again, it ruined the early part of his life and hates it now, its an embarrassing part of his life now, but he said I'm the only person besides his dad he feels accepts him and he's comfortable enough to open up about the mistakes of his past) he loves me so much and after knowing each other for a little bit he moved where I grew up, 3 states over to be sure to be away from everything of his old life. He doesn't live close enough to the bars to just sell them now, he needs to go back to his hometown too. But when I see him wanting to be high all the time on anything it makes me sad for him. He didnt have the best cards handed to him but he doesn't have to accept that. He's so kind and sweet and he constantly opens up to me about everything. I felt sick the other day so he caught this stray cat that comes to visit our doorstep that I love to feed and woke me up with it. Hes the only person I ever felt comfortable with chilling naked all day, while munching on pizza or making myself look like a complete idiot around. He loves that I love him even though his past is a lot darker than mine. He just wants to always be around me being silly and making me happy. If I left him, I couldn't do that, I think his life would go down hill and I think I'm the thing that keeps him on the right path. But he still has tons of growing up to do. I think he still has the mindset of a teenager, he didnt have many strong adult figures to instill the tools he needs now that he is an adult.
I know that was a lot lol. But this is where I'm coming from with everything. Why I don't like the weed around. Why he's not an asshole, he left everything behind for me. It might not be the weeds fault but I don't think it helps him or is healthy for him emotionally. He needs to face life, pain, responsibility, set back and not have weed or anything as a crutch to help him cope. I think its more him trying to self medicate and not feel shit, make himself more distant to real life instead of just getting high for fun while watching stoner movies and binging on chips.
Btw- to people hating on jobs and like "don't make him get a job just let him smoke his weed" were not in High School, were both in our mid 20s sharing an apartment and finances. Just sitting home and smoking weed all day isn't a life plan. Also any of HIS weed smoked he this month was bought with my money (nothing against him we both decided on it. It's just kind of irritating for people saying leave him alone with his weed when Im the one who bought it). js
