Boyfriends daily use of weed

[Space__Kitten]

I'm not exactly sure why it bothers me so much. We both use recreational drugs, I think its mostly because our other drugs aren't a daily thing. Also I smoke some too, but only on my days off and only sometimes. He doesn't have a job and maybe that's why it's annoying, hell roll out of bed first thing in the morning and take a hit...when he does stuff like that it pisses me off...also the other day he didnt like his stash so he went to run over to the neighbors and tell em I would give em cigarettes once I got paid if they gave him better bud..he didnt ask me first and I stopped him before he did it (as soon as I found out what he was doing) he was spending my money on weed before I even got it when he already had some. I know weed is safer than most drugs and all that bullshit. And sometimes I'm ok with him smoking it (when were doing it together). I don't like him trying to run off to the neighbors to get more weed when we already have some and him spending my money without asking me when he knows I already am not 100% ok with it. When is smoking too much?

 

[treezy z]

smoking is too much when you become a fucking lazy, quiet, sleepy loser (like a lot of potheads i know.)

are you enjoying being around him? is he fucking you right? if you're having a good time let him be, it's his business.

 

[Bagseed]

you are not annoyed by him smoking weed. the problem is that he is a lazy, inconsiderate fucktard. while i agree that weed is part of the problem and taking a break would be a good idea, he probably has other issues to work on.

there are people who are high all the time but have a productive life, go to work, etc. he has to get his shit together.

 

[username13]

Teach him a lesson smoke all his pot then refuse to buy more.

 

[Strongheart]

This is a personality flaw, dont blame the weed cause if he wasnt smoking hed still be doing selfish stuff that would piss you off. How old is this kid? Sounds very immature and selfish, to take your shit and start making deals with your cigs etc. I guess he thinks he can just do whatever he wants.

 

[F1n1shed]

Sounds like an ass hole of a guy. And you like him for what reason..?

 

[Space__Kitten]

No he is amazing. Plus the great sex keeps me around ? rotfl. Seriously though he isn't usually such an asshole. When its not around he does stuff to help out and we do stuff together and have fun and he is very good at doing sweet things for me. We won't have weed around for a while...then he'll suggest we get some for us...but when he starts he's not like me. Ill want to do maybe like a 3 day pot binge try to get super high then not touch it for 3 weeks..hell try and do it everyday.

Little things like when I wake up and first thing he does is he rolls over and takes a hit of the pipe. It irritates me. To me that's not recreationally doing it, that's acting dependent on it just to live.

Yeah he fucked up when he tried to offer cigs for weed without asking me. We've done that in the past but we always talked about it first. When he almost did it without asking I fucked him up made him apologize to me for being selfish and stupid. He did. He said he wanted it for both of us (which is true). but how is it for both of us if I didnt even want it? Told him that shit is taking advantage of the situation and if he does that shit again no way in hell ill consider getting some for us ever again and for him to be happy with the shit he had or I'd go and give it back to them.

I feel bad sometimes saying we can't do it because we always do recreational drugs. Weed changes him though. He becomes more inconsiderate and more of a douche. He's not normally a douche but the way he gets when we have weed around pisses me off. I think its easier for him not to care about other people when he's using it regularly.

I don't want any drug around that its ok just to roll out of bed each day and take (except caffeine and cigs of course )

He used to be a major addict (speed) in his past (4+ years ago) so I feel I have to be careful and its my duty to disapprove if any drug use gets out of hand. I would never approve of him going down that path again and I know he has an addictive personality. Him starting to see him dependent on anything just upsets me.

I know that those two drugs are way different. And I don't disapprove of weed at all, I just don't like him on it. I don't know how to mention it to him though with out seeming hypocritical.

We did just do a few day Vicodin binge but we only do Vicodin like once every 3 months. I also personally love psychedelics and I do like weed with psychedelics. He doesn't disapprove of any of it.

 

[soinamity]

He needs help because hes becoming dependent on it. I mean he rolls outta bed for to wake up to weed, doesn't have a job, is taking money without asking, offering cigs for weed?

The first thing thats going to happen is you're probably going to let him get off easy with taking ur money and you'll say some bullshit like oh dont do it again. and whats he gonna do? do it again. why? because you weren't hard on him.

If that happens, next will be trust issues and the endless wave of small arguments. then soon enough everything he does will irritate you. and you'll forget why you like him. and your relationship will turn into just sex and drugs.

I can go on and on but thats not what im here for.

so heres what u gotta do. Ask yourself if you want him in your life. If not, then you know what you gotta do.

You can either put the "ban-hammer" on his ass and check him, make him get a job, get his shit together. Then maybe, occasionally, with you there smoke with him. Just so he doesn't go insane, and have to quit cold turkey.

Offer you love and support to him, and explain to him in clear words, no beating around the bush, how his behavior is making you feel.
Help him get a job, help him get his shit together but don't get manipulated by his pity party. You have to be a "bitch" about this kinda thing or he'll ruin his life if worse comes to worse.

And if you're still young, fuck it... find a new boyfriend. if your old but have high confidence, fuck it find a new boyfriend. if it was me. I'd explain to him one good time about the changes that are going to have to be made to stay in this relationship and if he fucked up one time. I'm done.

Take my advice if you want. Its not for softies, its for tough, mean, people who knows what they want and get what they want. You have a life to live too. Remember that.

 

[Space__Kitten]

No I'm not gonna dump him we've been together 2 years and I love him more everyday.

This is the first time he's ever done something so stupid about weed. He just wasn't thinking. He wasn't like trying to sneak over and do it.

He originally asked if he could go to the neighbors and hit their good stuff. I said I wasn't really ok because we already had plenty here and the niegbors were into shit I didnt aprove of but if he really wanted to he could go over real quick and just come straight home. He asked me to go I said "no I'm not interested at all" he went over and no one answered so he came home upset, then he was like "I have an idea" he grabbed my phone and started calling them and was like "I'm sure if you can just get em back tomorrow they can sell me a little bud" and I flipped, grabbed the phone hung up. I was like wtf you can't just offer to reimburse them when I get paid without asking me because you want weed when you already have some. He tried to say it was for both of us and not just for him. He got a little pissed because I was pretty pissed. Later I sat him down and old him that, that behavior is taking advantage of the situation and its not his money to offer out. That how is it for me when I didn't even want it for free none the less have to pay for it? He appologized that he just wasn't thinking.

This morning he asked to hit the pipe again within the first 10 min of waking up right after we morning sexed. He said sense we hadnt just woke up and had sex instead it wasn't just like rolling out of bed and smoking it.

Once again I was pissed. I was like "so you had sex with me just to smoke weed?" That pissed him off, he seemed insulted told me not to say that. He stormed off smoked a ciggerette then came back inside to appologized again cuz he realized he fucked up again and I was sulking. He hugged me and asked me not to stay mad at him. So I didn't but I did let him know his behavior around this weed has really been off putting. I tried having it around (for about 3 weeks) because he liked it. Let him know he blew his chances and after this shit is gone were not getting more, doesn't matter if its his or my money, its not comming in the house. He looked sad but said ok and agreed.

If its something that's just gonna make us fight I don't want it around.

Also about him not having a job. He up until last month had a seperate income from family businesses he owned, family sickness though has put a hold on his income, so last 2 months were on me.

As long as he has other income I don't mind him not having a job until we can get another car and stuff. When he's not on the weed and even if he stays home he takes care of things I need during the day. I just dont like the idea of me going to work and working my ass off while he sits at home lazy getting high. that does not fly well with me. I think me setting my foot down for the time being is the best. I've known him 2 years and sometimes he just does the stupidest things that piss me off. The shit with the weed really pushed the limits, sometimes he's just such an idiot =.=

 

[dankplantgrower]

You gotta have a little talk with your boyfriend. You dont have to be super stern or anything, just be honest and straightforward with him. I lost my fiancee I was with for nearly a decade to a bad drinking problem, and I only wished she would have warned me to get my shit together before she left. Sometimes us guys are hard headed, and what should be obvious, isnt. Especially us stoners, we might be a little bit foggy. Tell him from us on BL that trading your ladys shit without permission, spending money out of upcoming checks to top it off, is pretty damn foolish.

Id push him a little harder to get a job/income. If hes rolling over first thing in the morning smoking your weed and just vegging around the pad all day hes just gonna get used to it, and worse eventually. PM me if you want foolproof urine/mouth swab techniques to get him through the first drug screen. This isnt 2008-2009, jobs are out there again. I remember being stuck in the house all day stoned out of my mind doing jack shit, I was really in a rut and didnt know it. After having to get a job and gotten out in life, I cant even sit around the house all day anymore without going crazy from boredom. And I still get high as much as I want.

 

[Yaj]

He's mooching off you plain and simple, the fact that he's doing it for weed, in my opinion, isn't as important as the fact that he is using you...

 

[bunnymunro]

It sounds to me that the OP is a bit of a control freak, and only wants her bf to smoke weed when she wants to. I know that this is going against the grain of what others say, but thats how I read it.
I am not a stoner, so I am not sticking up for stoners.
OK, the swapping weed with the neighbors is a bit off, but, if I am getting the picture its like this...
he usually has an income, but is presently unemployed... but he is seeking employment?

Yesterday 09:45
you are not annoyed by him smoking weed. the problem is that he is a lazy, inconsiderate fucktard. while i agree that weed is part of the problem and taking a break would be a good idea, he probably has other issues to work on.

there are people who are high all the time but have a productive life, go to work, etc. he has to get his shit together.

whothe fuck ever said he was? you, sir just pulled that out your arse and painted this dude as that. Maybe you should have a look at yourself.

Sounds like an ass hole of a guy. And you like him for what reason..?

once again?
you are able to make a judgement on this bloke on the say so of one paragraph of his partner, who is more than likely mostly venting and, for all you know, may be on her rags?

Space kittem it sounds to me that you do have a good relationship with this fella, and you want to maintain it. It sounds also that he likes getting stoned because he is bored, and nothing kills boredom like being stoned and bored.
How about making a rule that no one smokes before 5 oclock in the arvo or whatever time you decide on, and suggest a bit of a gym, or some activities during the day... it sounds as if he is reasonable at house keeping, so encourage things like that... "oh darling its so nice to come home to a clean house each day!"
shit like that.
Also job applications, get him to keep that up.
There is nothing wrong with having an outside income as well as a job.
Or you could help or encourage him to look at some volunteer programme. It sounds to me as though he is just a little bored, and doesn't have the same level of motivation to be active as you do. That happens to a degree, in most relationships, and either one partner will constantly drive or motivate the other, or it can get competitive, which can be very interesting...

Best of luck with this Space kitten, I shall watch this space.

 

[Space__Kitten]

It sounds to me that the OP is a bit of a control freak, and only wants her bf to smoke weed when she wants to. I know that this is going against the grain of what others say, but thats how I read it.
I am not a stoner, so I am not sticking up for stoners.
OK, the swapping weed with the neighbors is a bit off, but, if I am getting the picture its like this...
he usually has an income, but is presently unemployed... but he is seeking employment?


whothe fuck ever said he was? you, sir just pulled that out your arse and painted this dude as that. Maybe you should have a look at yourself.


once again?
you are able to make a judgement on this bloke on the say so of one paragraph of his partner, who is more than likely mostly venting and, for all you know, may be on her rags?

Space kittem it sounds to me that you do have a good relationship with this fella, and you want to maintain it. It sounds also that he likes getting stoned because he is bored, and nothing kills boredom like being stoned and bored.
How about making a rule that no one smokes before 5 oclock in the arvo or whatever time you decide on, and suggest a bit of a gym, or some activities during the day... it sounds as if he is reasonable at house keeping, so encourage things like that... "oh darling its so nice to come home to a clean house each day!"
shit like that.
Also job applications, get him to keep that up.
There is nothing wrong with having an outside income as well as a job.
Or you could help or encourage him to look at some volunteer programme. It sounds to me as though he is just a little bored, and doesn't have the same level of motivation to be active as you do. That happens to a degree, in most relationships, and either one partner will constantly drive or motivate the other, or it can get competitive, which can be very interesting...

Best of luck with this Space kitten, I shall watch this space.

I will say I like your response vs a lot of responses hah. Mostly because we do have a great relationship, he's not an asshole at least not more than other times.

I will argue he can be lazy but I don't think that reflects on his love for me. I know he loves me so much, he wants to be around me 24/7. He doesn't leave anywhere unless Im with him.

He's very faithful and sweet.

Though he's not actively seeking employment. I had him get himself foodstamps to help with his side of things but he didnt do the paperwork to maintain em and he lost em.

With his extra income I didn't mind so much. He tries to take care of the house but its not always the best. He'll mostly just "straighten up". He's gotten better though. I just have to stay on him.

I need him to go get his financial stuff together so at least we have his extra income again. I'd like for him just to at least have a part time job, longest he ever had a job is 6 months (before I met him) though most his life he hasn't really needed a job.

He's been spoiled most his life and doesn't really have the self motivation I do. So its so easy for him to let people spoil him and for him to think "I want the weed so ill go get it" even if we don't even have food ourselfs.

Also, I know I can at times be a bit of a control freak but that's why I changed my mind about the weed and started letting him get some. It's not really getting the weed when I want it because I personally don't even like weed really (personal preference I'd rather have something else if it meant getting high). But I felt once I let him have a little he keeps pushing it and wanting more.

I don't like any drug we do become a daily thing for him or I. I was hoping when I let him get some it would be like "well that was chill lets do that next week" instead of feending out for more and trying to spend the money I haven't even earned before get it on weed we don't need (we had a whole pill bottle filled with it when he was trying to get more). He says he doesn't want to do it everyday either but I think he says that because he thinks that's what I want to hear for me to give in again to get more because if I even give in a little he's out running across the street before we can even discuss it.
I wouldn't mind if he only wanted to do it at night, but when I get it in the house he just will smoke it all day and if I go outside hell try to smoke it in the bathroom without me noticing (uhh I notice lol) that's why I think its the weed.

I love him and we have a great relationship I just need him to not wanna smoke weed all day and focus on helping me get the house back together. Get his important shit figured out. I think weed makes him selfish idk. He agreed to stop for a while though. Relationships are about compromises so as long as we can talk openly about it I think it will all work out.

 

[weekend addiction]

I don't think your real issue is his daily use of weed to be honest. Sounds like your problem is him getting high and being irresponsible and lazy. If he was constantly filling out job applications, printing off resumes, cleaning the house, respecting financial obligations, and being a responsible adult then you probably wouldn't give two shits about how much weed he smokes am I wrong?

 

[Space__Kitten]

I don't think your real issue is his daily use of weed to be honest. Sounds like your problem is him getting high and being irresponsible and lazy. If he was constantly filling out job applications, printing off resumes, cleaning the house, respecting financial obligations, and being a responsible adult then you probably wouldn't give two shits about how much weed he smokes am I wrong?

That hit the nail on the head. And I know he likes weed so I tried to accept it being around and all it did was make him more irresponsible lol. Maybe if I had a way to light the fire under his ass so he was more productive I'd be fine with it.

I sometimes feel its double standards because ill get high when I want. But the thing is, I've maintained my job for 9 years. Work 40 hours a week. I have my cellphone (his got shutoff because he couldn't pay it). Sense he lost his other income for the month he ended up selling his tv for other half of rent. He wishes I didn't work either, in his perfect world we'd sit at home all day together having fun and somehow maintaining an apartment. As fun as that sounds its not real life.

I know he wishes I'd quit my job and then move to where his families bars are, sell a few then live rent free for a while having fun getting high, just like live life like a big personal party for us two. Personally as fun as it sounds its not realistic and I think him getting high all the time just fuels his idea he can just live this way forever. Idk. I have a good work eithic and a life like that I wouldn't feel proud of.

 

[Stevenski]

Sounds like your boyfriend has a classic case of Peter Pan syndrome. Eventually we have to grow up & accept the real world with all it's responsibilities. I don't know how old you two are but what I would be concerned about is the way he let his phone get cut off & sold his TV for a pittance rather than find a job. Not exactly reasonable mature behaviour. I know what it can be like to be unemployed, smoking bongs all day & doing fuck all. It is fun for a while but the longer it goes on the less inclined you become to look for work especially if others will always catch your fall.

 

[pillsnpowder]

i think that i can relate to your boyfriend. i recently (about a year ago) got over an Oxycontin addiction. although you cant really be dependent on weed itself i do believe that one can become addicted to being high on something and weed does fill that need. i went through this exact thing and it seems like he may be going through it as well. if his chronic use of weed does bother you or if it seams like its getting in the way of him succeeding in life (getting an education, job, etc) than you have every reason to ask him to stop. what you cant do is make him quit weed or any other drug and than continue doing it yourself. if you arent willing to stop smoking weed or doing Vicodin or whatever else you guys are into than dont ask him too. what i found helped me find a sort of middle ground after i decided to stop being high 24/7 is only use it at parties. i completely avoid oxy as that is the specific drug i was dependent on but on friday/saturday nights everything else is open game. maybe ask him if he would agree to that? offer to only do drugs with him at parties/weekends/special events or whatever! you get the picture! but its important that you dont give him rules that you cant or wont live up to yourself

 

[F1n1shed]

You gotta have a little talk with your boyfriend. You dont have to be super stern or anything, just be honest and straightforward with him. I lost my fiancee I was with for nearly a decade to a bad drinking problem, and I only wished she would have warned me to get my shit together before she left. Sometimes us guys are hard headed, and what should be obvious, isnt. Especially us stoners, we might be a little bit foggy. Tell him from us on BL that trading your ladys shit without permission, spending money out of upcoming checks to top it off, is pretty damn foolish.

Id push him a little harder to get a job/income. If hes rolling over first thing in the morning smoking your weed and just vegging around the pad all day hes just gonna get used to it, and worse eventually. PM me if you want foolproof urine/mouth swab techniques to get him through the first drug screen. This isnt 2008-2009, jobs are out there again. I remember being stuck in the house all day stoned out of my mind doing jack shit, I was really in a rut and didnt know it. After having to get a job and gotten out in life, I cant even sit around the house all day anymore without going crazy from boredom. And I still get high as much as I want.

Solid advice, i'm actually in the same position as op's bf right now. I'm in a rut, smoking daily and blazing every day makes me not want to look for a job. It's a shitty feeling, and for some reason i keep doing it.

 

[exists]

Also about him not having a job. He up until last month had a seperate income from family businesses he owned, family sickness though has put a hold on his income, so last 2 months were on me.

Do I guess correctly that the sick family member(s) in question were directly operating a business that your bf has part ownership of? If so, can your bf somehow "take initiative" in the situation to help get things back on track? Would be awesome, if possible

I wish you all the best in making your relationship happier, SK

 

[bloodshed344]

No he is amazing. Plus the great sex keeps me around �� rotfl. Seriously though he isn't usually such an asshole. When its not around he does stuff to help out and we do stuff together and have fun and he is very good at doing sweet things for me. We won't have weed around for a while...then he'll suggest we get some for us...but when he starts he's not like me. Ill want to do maybe like a 3 day pot binge try to get super high then not touch it for 3 weeks..hell try and do it everyday.

Little things like when I wake up and first thing he does is he rolls over and takes a hit of the pipe. It irritates me. To me that's not recreationally doing it, that's acting dependent on it just to live.

Yeah he fucked up when he tried to offer cigs for weed without asking me. We've done that in the past but we always talked about it first. When he almost did it without asking I fucked him up made him apologize to me for being selfish and stupid. He did. He said he wanted it for both of us (which is true). but how is it for both of us if I didnt even want it? Told him that shit is taking advantage of the situation and if he does that shit again no way in hell ill consider getting some for us ever again and for him to be happy with the shit he had or I'd go and give it back to them.

I feel bad sometimes saying we can't do it because we always do recreational drugs. Weed changes him though. He becomes more inconsiderate and more of a douche. He's not normally a douche but the way he gets when we have weed around pisses me off. I think its easier for him not to care about other people when he's using it regularly.

I don't want any drug around that its ok just to roll out of bed each day and take (except caffeine and cigs of course )

He used to be a major addict (speed) in his past (4+ years ago) so I feel I have to be careful and its my duty to disapprove if any drug use gets out of hand. I would never approve of him going down that path again and I know he has an addictive personality. Him starting to see him dependent on anything just upsets me.

I know that those two drugs are way different. And I don't disapprove of weed at all, I just don't like him on it. I don't know how to mention it to him though with out seeming hypocritical.

We did just do a few day Vicodin binge but we only do Vicodin like once every 3 months. I also personally love psychedelics and I do like weed with psychedelics. He doesn't disapprove of any of it.

I'm just going to tell you something I read just a few minutes ago... You can't make someone stop using weed, just like you can't make someone love you. It's the same type of emotion. The fact he is using it like that shows who he is.