Boyfriend Relapsed...Again.

[queenbee1127]

Ay yi yi. Mods, please move if you feel necessary; I couldn't decide if this belonged more in SLR or Other Drugs.

Bear with me. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. We live together, and for the most part, we have a pretty stable relationship. Before we were together, he was addicted to both heroin and Xanax, and went to a very intense inpatient rehab for 17 months. He has been clean (barring isolated relapse) for just over 3 1/2 years. In January of 2010, he left rehab to go back to normal life, and had a relapse in August of 2010, using OxyContin with some friends (some friends right?). It was an isolated incident, and to my knowledge, it has not happened again.

He has extreme back pain, related to his job, and occasionally takes Tramadol to help with the pain, which he gets from his mom (I know). At first, he wasn't telling me because he knew I would be upset, but once I called him out on his doped up behavior, we discussed it and he agreed to let me know whenever he had taken anything. In addition the back pain, he has trouble sleeping and has seen his doctor several times to find something to help.

Fast forward to this weekend; we are at a friend's house watching the playoff game and I notice him nodding out on the couch next to me. I ask him why his pupils are so small in dim lighting, and ask if he has taken a Tramadol for his back. He says no, he has not taken anything. We come home and later that night, he is nodding out again as we watch TV on the couch. I know he is lying, I can tell by his behavior, and instead of flipping out and causing a scene in front of our friends, I go to bed.

I know what my instinct is telling me, and I know something is wrong. After not talking for three days, I finally confront him today (Tuesday). I say I want to know what is going on, and why he was so fucked up on Saturday. He confesses to me that back in October, his doctor prescribed him .25mg of Xanax to help him sleep, enough for 2 a day, with 4 refills. He told me that initially, he was taking them strictly to sleep but as time went on he began to abuse them. When one of his refills ran out this weekend, he purchased four 1mg pills from a friend, and that's what he had taken on Saturday when I asked him about the Tramadol. He says that he talked with his doctor today about another way to help his sleeping, without taking a drug he is abusing.

Part of me is mad, part of me is sad, and part of me is like "fuck this bullshit". I'm mad that he blatantly went behind my back, abusing a drug that he was so horribly addicted to and caused so many consequences in his life. I'm mad that when I confronted him, he lied about it, treating me like an idiot. I'm sad that he's going through this, again, and I can't help or sympathize with him. Part of me wants to leave him and just move on, I'm done with dealing with this shit.

Help me BL. I've never had an addiction problem, so it is hard for me to empathize with his issues. At the same time, I've never had an addiction problem, so I'm not as versed in lying and manipulation as he is, and he could just be telling me what I want to hear. I'm still blindsided by the fact that he was using/abusing a substance behind my back for so long, and went out of his way to purchase more when his prescription ran out.

What would you do if you were me? If this or something similar has happened to you, what did you do? I love this person, but I'm done being treated like an idiot and putting myself in a potentially reoccurring situation.

 

[hiphophippy]

You or he needs to isolate him from his "friends" it is part of AA treatment for a reason. Don't use drugs, don't be around drugs, don't be around people who use drugs, don't be around people who are occasionally around people who use drugs. If he refuses and you are not absolutely positive that you want to be committed to this man as painful as it is you probably should consider leaving him.

 

[littlepenguin]

I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

So. Would you leave him if he had diabetes? A different "organic" disease?

Addiction is a disease, and it's a sun of a bitch. It makes you do shit that you never thought you could do, like lying to people you love dearly. He's not doing it to hurt you, he is sick and he needs help. He is not treating you like an idiot. The addiction to the opiates are treating you like an idiot. Either go balls in and help him, get all his friends on your side, and have an intervention and get him sober. If you can't handle his disease, then for both of your benefits, it's time to call it quits.

 

[Antecessor]

Ay yi yi. Mods, please move if you feel necessary; I couldn't decide if this belonged more in SLR or Other Drugs.

Bear with me. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. We live together, and for the most part, we have a pretty stable relationship. Before we were together, he was addicted to both heroin and Xanax, and went to a very intense inpatient rehab for 17 months. He has been clean (barring isolated relapse) for just over 3 1/2 years. In January of 2010, he left rehab to go back to normal life, and had a relapse in August of 2010, using OxyContin with some friends (some friends right?). It was an isolated incident, and to my knowledge, it has not happened again.

He has extreme back pain, related to his job, and occasionally takes Tramadol to help with the pain, which he gets from his mom (I know). At first, he wasn't telling me because he knew I would be upset, but once I called him out on his doped up behavior, we discussed it and he agreed to let me know whenever he had taken anything. In addition the back pain, he has trouble sleeping and has seen his doctor several times to find something to help.

Fast forward to this weekend; we are at a friend's house watching the playoff game and I notice him nodding out on the couch next to me. I ask him why his pupils are so small in dim lighting, and ask if he has taken a Tramadol for his back. He says no, he has not taken anything. We come home and later that night, he is nodding out again as we watch TV on the couch. I know he is lying, I can tell by his behavior, and instead of flipping out and causing a scene in front of our friends, I go to bed.

I know what my instinct is telling me, and I know something is wrong. After not talking for three days, I finally confront him today (Tuesday). I say I want to know what is going on, and why he was so fucked up on Saturday. He confesses to me that back in October, his doctor prescribed him .25mg of Xanax to help him sleep, enough for 2 a day, with 4 refills. He told me that initially, he was taking them strictly to sleep but as time went on he began to abuse them. When one of his refills ran out this weekend, he purchased four 1mg pills from a friend, and that's what he had taken on Saturday when I asked him about the Tramadol. He says that he talked with his doctor today about another way to help his sleeping, without taking a drug he is abusing.

Part of me is mad, part of me is sad, and part of me is like "fuck this bullshit". I'm mad that he blatantly went behind my back, abusing a drug that he was so horribly addicted to and caused so many consequences in his life. I'm mad that when I confronted him, he lied about it, treating me like an idiot. I'm sad that he's going through this, again, and I can't help or sympathize with him. Part of me wants to leave him and just move on, I'm done with dealing with this shit.

Help me BL. I've never had an addiction problem, so it is hard for me to empathize with his issues. At the same time, I've never had an addiction problem, so I'm not as versed in lying and manipulation as he is, and he could just be telling me what I want to hear. I'm still blindsided by the fact that he was using/abusing a substance behind my back for so long, and went out of his way to purchase more when his prescription ran out.

What would you do if you were me? If this or something similar has happened to you, what did you do? I love this person, but I'm done being treated like an idiot and putting myself in a potentially reoccurring situation.

His nodding out on the couch next to you must have been a very traumatic event for you.

Does his drug problem ever cause you any harm?
Any violence?
Theft or lying for money to buy drugs?
Anything worse than having dilated pupils and sleeping on the couch while he was supposed to be enjoying your tv show?

Seriously if you want my opinion, you come off as a bit of a bitch, from the information you have provided above.
It's really up to him if he wants to use drugs, and as a user of suboxone myself, I don't think their is anything wrong with taking drugs responsibly. Maybe you should give them a try.

Just imagine though, get him completely clean, and he will be so bored with sitting on the couch with you NOT nodding off, he can spend all his time and money out at the clubs instead, maybe getting some different kind of action instead.

You should look at the positives of him being home with you, rather than roaming the night drinking and partying that I guarantee he will want to do, when he 'recovers' from the homebody effects of opiate and benzo addiction.

 

[queenbee1127]

Seriously if you want my opinion, you come off as a bit of a bitch, from the information you have provided above.
It's really up to him if he wants to use drugs, and as a user of suboxone myself, I don't think their is anything wrong with taking drugs responsibly. Maybe you should give them a try.

Just imagine though, get him completely clean, and he will be so bored with sitting on the couch with you NOT nodding off, he can spend all his time and money out at the clubs instead, maybe getting some different kind of action instead.

You should look at the positives of him being home with you, rather than roaming the night drinking and partying that I guarantee he will want to do, when he 'recovers' from the homebody effects of opiate and benzo addiction.

Let me be clear: nothing you said in your above response was neither helpful or applicable to my situation. I'm not talking about someone who has the ability to use drugs responsibly, I'm talking about someone who lets drugs take over their life and has fought incredibly hard to become, and maintain being, sober in the past but has relapsed.

Prior to us being together, he was addicted to heroin, and writing fake prescriptions with his brother for Xanax. They had prescriptions at 30 pharmacies, one for every day of the month and would pick up daily, use whatever they wanted, and sell the rest for money for heroin. After being caught up with the court system and nearly getting kicked out of drug court, the judge told him he could do a year in rehab or a year in jail - and he chose rehab. He ended up staying an extra 5 months after his court appointed year, to strengthen what he had learned. His brother was not so lucky. Just recently he was charged with breaking and entering, burglary and possession of a controlled substance when he was arrested for breaking into a local university to steal laptops and sell them for drug money. He's facing prison now, and this weighs heavily on my boyfriend - he knows he can not return to being a drug user.

As for your insinuation that he would go out and cheat on me if it were not for the dulling effects of drugs, pull your head out of your ass. We drink and party together and it's not an issue in our relationship, but hiding his drug use of something that has caused so much trouble in his life is.

littlepenguin - I see the point you are making, and this is the part I struggle with the most. No, I would not leave him if it were an "organic" disease, and I completely understand that addiction is, in fact, a disease. However, how long can someone with an addiction problem blame the disease? How many times am I supposed to stand behind him in these relapses? Does it ever come to a point where the person in question has to start taking some responsibility?

hiphophippy - Everyone in our friend group knows about my boyfriend's past drug problem, and everyone is committed to maintaining his sobriety (from pills/opiates). At least I thought so. That's why I'm so stunned that he allowed the doctor to write him a prescription for Xanax in the first place, picked it up and knew it was Xanax and took it anyway. Then, I'm even more stunned that someone we know, who knows his past with drugs, would sell him more! Obviously not a friend, or a person to be trusted.

 

[littlepenguin]

If he hasnt hit rock bottom, you and his friends need to create his rock bottom. Tell him you'll leave him if he doesn't go to treatment. His friends will no longer be his friends. If he has any warrants out for his arrest or probation, tell him youre calling the police. Cut off his source of funds. If he lives with you, change the locks. Create his worst nightmare. An addict can only survive with resources, and once those resources are no longer available, they may kick and scream, but most will choose treatment. If you truly love him, you can take one more step and do this for him. Hold your bottom line. If he's not sober, chooses not to go to treatment, or leaves treatment early, its over.

 

[bagochina]

nodding out on xanax all day? i dont buy it, he is probably back on opiates stronger than tram.

 

[Antecessor]

My girlfriend has epilepsy, should I leave her if she continues to have this health problem?

She takes lamictal for it, but this doesn't fully control the symptoms, she still has fits every few months.

Just the other day we were sitting together watching tv and she had a fit next to me, pissed herself and dribbled on my arm, I didn't say anything, but disgusted I went to bed.

I think she should be handling her illness differently by taking medicine I think will stop her having fits at all, but she won't take them because she doesn't like the memory loss and other side effects.

She even got in trouble with the law because of her behaviour, she was driving my car while I was working, I needed a drink delivered, and she went and had a relapse, one of her fits and crashed into a cane field.
Now I have to pay off her 400 dollar fine.

When can people stop blaming their so called 'uncontrollable' illness of whatever kind and assume personal responsibility for their actions.

So should I lay down an ultimatum, my GF must control her uncontrollable illness, be responsible for actions and effects caused by her illness, and if she keeps going and having fits, I tell her I'll leave her?



If you have read this far then let me assure you that while my GF does indeed have epilepsy, and had indeed crashed the car (while fetching beer for her father) the rest of my comment is satirical.
I would never ever blame or leave or anything else my GF, over her illness, same as she would never leave me over my illness called addiction.
I am not trying to be an asshat to the op with my satire, just trying to get her to see her situation and response from another viewpoint, as she has never experienced addiction, she seems very intolerant of the inevitable relapses that someone recovering from such a disease will experience.


Addiction is a disease, you don't blame a cancer patient when they relapse and their cancer returns....



Also I dislike the word addict.

We don't label other people with diseases, with the name of their disease do we?
Well sometimes, like a leper, instead of someone suffering leperousy, or epileptic, but generally we don't, and shouldn't, define someone by an uncontrollable disease or illness of any kind.

A cancer patient is not a canceree.

 

[Busty St Clare]

Probably easier if your girlfriend handed in her license and no longer drives a car. Unlike your girlfriend who needs her medication to function, a drug addict does not need their DOC to live. Sure addiction is hard to beat, but it is not an illness that is acquired. Instead it is an illness that is allowed to take over. Up until the physical symptoms occur a drug addict makes a selfish decision to take drugs. Addiction does not suddenly appear, one decides early on to take drugs, often with the full knowledge that they probably need to break. Saying an addicts addiction is the same as a poor girl with epilepsy is ignoring the simple fact that drug addiction is self inflicted by weakness and selfishness, with no regard to family or other loved ones.

OP, do you want to relive all the hardships that you have had to in the past with your boyfriends rehab? It is admirable that you helped him the first time but it is equally understandable that you choose to walk away this time.

 

[Pander Bear]

pupils don't pin from xanax, sweetie. Your boyfriend is an opiate addict, and he's using again.

You should probably think about what your uncrossable line is, so when he crosses it, you can know its over.

 

[Care]

Addiction is a motherfucker isnt it.

Seems like you have a good handle on the situation already. Getting someone to change for a relationship is possible, but not common, especially when it is concerning drugs. Im sure he loves you and you love him but, sadly, some things seem to be stronger than love. It is very difficult to be with someone with an opiate addiction when you have no idea what its like, and if he keeps proving he isn't going to stop, then I can only see this going one direction.

 

[Antecessor]

Probably easier if your girlfriend handed in her license and no longer drives a car. Unlike your girlfriend who needs her medication to function, a drug addict does not need their DOC to live. Sure addiction is hard to beat, but it is not an illness that is acquired. Instead it is an illness that is allowed to take over. Up until the physical symptoms occur a drug addict makes a selfish decision to take drugs. Addiction does not suddenly appear, one decides early on to take drugs, often with the full knowledge that they probably need to break. Saying an addicts addiction is the same as a poor girl with epilepsy is ignoring the simple fact that drug addiction is self inflicted by weakness and selfishness, with no regard to family or other loved ones.

OP, do you want to relive all the hardships that you have had to in the past with your boyfriends rehab? It is admirable that you helped him the first time but it is equally understandable that you choose to walk away this time.

Garbage....

Awful lot of very judgemental and negative assumptions there you've made about all drug users based solely on how you and your mates act on drugs.

Guess what it might be true for you, perhaps drugs make you unable to control yourself or be responsible, but it's not true for me or many people I know.

Nobody chooses to be an addict.

Same as people who choose to be in the construction industry don't mean they choose to break their backs, just because that broken back results from their choice of work.

People choose to use drugs for many reasons, but don't choose to be addicted, that's an in intended acquired illness.

Drug use is not selfish.
How could choosing to do something that doesn't harm anyone else but pleases you be selfish?

I've never stolen to feed my habit, nor have I harmed anyone as a result of my drug use, nor have I neglected my family because of my drug use, or anything else for that matter.


The closed minded and simple view that 'drugs are bad Mkay' would to me be more in line with the bullshit they program you with at NA, not the message I usually get from bluelight.


Try to be more accepting of others choices over their own bodies without judging them based solely on that use.



Now the op has not said even after being asked that her bf has caused her any harm in any way by his drug use, so he is therefore a responsable user.
A user or addict can use as much and as often as they want, as long as they don't harm others then they are being responsable.

Your reaction against drug use is cultural programming that at the same time accepts risky behaviour such as car racing and sky diving much more readily.


So what is it about taking certain chemicals that is selfish and wrong and so on?


Your badly wrong here...,

 

[Antecessor]

< Please do not suggest IV use or taking oxy just to see it from someone's point of view. This is a harm reduction site >

 

[discountsnow]

Wish it were different.

You have already received some really good thoughts and advice.
You mentioned you and your guy party together. In 32 years I have not had the experience of knowing anyone who was addicted to Heroin who has been
a productive member of society who continued to party at all. I am sure there are I do not know them. The people I knew who got themselves cleaned up
and decided they were just going to smoke a little weed or have a beer are in prison, dead, or are in a critical state mentally and physically..
From your own remarks he is not to be trusted and until he is clean for at least a year maybe longer having a meaningful relationship just does not seem to work.
When I was a dope fiend it was all about me and me scoring dope there was nothing else it was everything and at almost any cost.
I believe for you and for your guy you must tell him he gets help now or and this is what you must do? Then do it and do not look back.
He needs to get help and you need to get away from the situation. Telling him you will be there when he gets out is dangerous. I wish it were different the truth is
if he cleans up he needs time to clear his mind and deal with his character. Relationships immediately after rehab almost always end in more hurt.
The way things are today leads nowhere. When his problem becomes his problem there is hope. You must keep in mind that there are some are not so fortunate
for whatever the reasons maybe will never stop they will die and never recover. I know so well my two brothers died young from Alcoholic bleed out. They just could not
make that turn around.
To do nothing is up to you. Dope fiends make rotten friends you cannot trust them.

 

[Busty St Clare]

Garbage....

Awful lot of very judgemental and negative assumptions there you've made about all drug users based solely on how you and your mates act on drugs.

Guess what it might be true for you, perhaps drugs make you unable to control yourself or be responsible, but it's not true for me or many people I know.

Nobody chooses to be an addict.

Same as people who choose to be in the construction industry don't mean they choose to break their backs, just because that broken back results from their choice of work.

People choose to use drugs for many reasons, but don't choose to be addicted, that's an in intended acquired illness.

Drug use is not selfish.
How could choosing to do something that doesn't harm anyone else but pleases you be selfish?

I've never stolen to feed my habit, nor have I harmed anyone as a result of my drug use, nor have I neglected my family because of my drug use, or anything else for that matter.


The closed minded and simple view that 'drugs are bad Mkay' would to me be more in line with the bullshit they program you with at NA, not the message I usually get from bluelight.


Try to be more accepting of others choices over their own bodies without judging them based solely on that use.



Now the op has not said even after being asked that her bf has caused her any harm in any way by his drug use, so he is therefore a responsable user.
A user or addict can use as much and as often as they want, as long as they don't harm others then they are being responsable.

Your reaction against drug use is cultural programming that at the same time accepts risky behaviour such as car racing and sky diving much more readily.


So what is it about taking certain chemicals that is selfish and wrong and so on?


Your badly wrong here...,

If it is such a victimless crime why lie? Why bother going to rehab and extending his stay by an extra 5 months? Why call it a relapse and not simply another enjoyable experience? Why would his girlfriend start a thread discussing her hurt and disappointment?

Functional addicts exist, but don't tell me it isn't a selfish pursuit if you have to hide your drug use to your closest and dearest. I am a long time member and moderator of a drug web site, I like to think I have some experience with drug use and it's effects on relationships. I understand it is hard to quit but it still comes down to intestinal fortitude when you decide to continue to use. No one chooses to be an addict, but they do choose evry time they use and then lie about it to cover their tracks. Perhaps it is a little harsh to say he is weak, more that it takes strength to quit. I am not anti drugs, I am anti people who can't handle their drug use.

 

[Antecessor]

'If it is such a victimless crime why lie?'

Why would anybody lie about anything to anyone, because they dont want them to know the truth.

Why dont they want them to know the truth, because of that persons reaction to the truth, especially when the truth really isnt anything to do with them, and their reaction is actually an extreme overreaction.




I like to visit EB games almost every day, not buying anything, however my GF doesnt like this, so I tell her Im going to the toilets, and while she is in coles shopping I quickly browse EB games.

I avoid unneeded confrontation and sulking by my GF, with a lie.

So what?

Lying about doing something doesnt make what you did, bad, in any way. Even if you judge the lie itself as wrong. But lying is not always wrong. What if someone was forcing you to answer questions about yourself that were none of their business.

If the police arrested you for drug use, where the sole evidence and witness for the prosecution was them relying on you telling the truth about you use in court, ie admitting what is essentially a thought crime (illegal alteration of ones thoughts),
would you really tell the court the truth so you could go to jail based on the contents of your thoughts and memorys, convicted for a thought crime?

Well that not wanting to be convicted/nagged/screamed at, for something that is a thought crime, (like me telling my GF how hot the checkout chick is), by anyone, as everyone is the sole owner of their bodies, lives, and thoughts.
But try explaining that to an angry girl...

Am I being selfish with quick visits to EB games, OR, is it my GF who is being selfish by complaining about something that is a mere inconvenience for 5 minutes but I enjoy, and I, knowing how unreasonable girls can be, avoid the stupid fighting over futile attempts to get a girl to be rational, and instead avoid the whole thing.

Perhaps its the same with the OP and her BF, I dont really have enough information to make an accurate judgement, but seriously, if the BFs greatest crime is to lie about what he put in his mouth and going to sleep on the couch, I see any over reaction to that, as maybe something he wishes to avoid, especially with a 'prickly' GF.

I dont believe that willpower or choice comes into play with opiate addiction, maybe other drugs like meth, but opiates are special. Until youve been an addict of opiates youll never understand.

Opiates are an exception.

Also drug addiction decides what you want for you, its not often that someone stops using willingly, unless they want to stop using, so what if a drug addictions effects cause you to NOT want to stop, making the choice for you.




- We are free to do as we will, but our will itself, it is not free. -

 

[freddy47]

^I think you both make good points and that you two should meet in the middle.

Having been a heroin addict for about two years (Been clean for about 7 months now) there were times where I truly did not want to shoot up but needed to so I wouldn't feel sick anymore. I'm not justifying what I did by any means but like what Antecessor said it wasn't really much of a choice for me at the time. I didn't want to do heroin sometimes. In fact most of the time when I was heavily addicted I wanted to quit. But then the sickness came and it was all that I could do not to go out and score. I didn't have the money to go on suboxone or anything so it was either scoring or going cold turkey which is one of the most painful experiences a man can go through believe me I've tried.

But I do agree that it takes strength to quit and a lot more strength to maintain sobriety. I wouldn't call someone who relapses weak however. Its more like they let the disease overcome them. Yes we are free to do what we will. But sometimes our wills are enslaved by something far more powerful than we can hope to ever defeat permanently. I still have the odd dream now and then about scoring and the whole ritual of injecting. And when I wake up from those dreams I feel a powerful urge to use. And once or twice I almost succumbed. But I fought back and I'm still sober today. But it wasn't easy. So for me its really a one day at a time type deal. I hope that I won't relapse again but who knows maybe one day in the distant future I will have an unbearably bad day and that coupled with my off and on urge to use will lead me to use again.

Lets hope that never happens though.

However to the OP. I doubt leaving him will be very helpful for him to get over his addiction. If anything he will use more after you leave him because he will get depressed. I think what you should do is have an intervention. Come from a place of love and caring. Just remind him of how bad it got and ask him if he truly wants to go back to that.

 

[Lysis]

Oh queen, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've never had an addiction problem either. I have no issue with drug users, but dating them is a whole 'nother issue. Especially when you are not a drug user yourself.

I agree with Busty that it's at a different level when you have to hide what you're doing. If you're lying about it to your GF/BF, then it's beyond a controllable part of your life. I was lied to for months, and my BF was found dead in his bed from an OD. I've gone from feeling guilty to pissed off at myself for not seeing it and pissed off at him for lying to me. His irresponsible and selfish abuse affected my life, because I cared about him and he lied. I lost my job and my mind for years (some would say it's still lost lol). All because I dated a drug addict who relapsed after 10 years of being clean and thought he was the shit and knew more than I did and just started downing any opiate available.

Every situation is unique, and I am sure you love him very much. It takes a lot of patience to deal with something like this, especially when you don't understand it. I have been affected by something like this, so I have little tolerance for it myself. He'd be gone if it were me, only because I told myself I would never put myself in that position again.

I really think in these cases, the drug is more important than you are, and for that reason, I can't tolerate it for my own self-preservation and respect.

 

[MyFinalRest]

queenbee, I just saw your beautiful face in the "pics of lovers" thread. You would be the only drug for me.

 

[queenbee1127]

little penguin - He has rock bottom in the past, trust me, but he is going on 3.5 years + of sobriety. Currently, we live together and have for quite a while, he has a stable job where he works 50+ hours a week and he contributes at least 50% to everything financially; it's no longer a situation of him stealing from people for money to buy heroin, I'm just shocked that he kept the fact that he had a Xanax prescription, and was abusing it, from me.

pupils don't pin from xanax, sweetie.

You're right. I'm so conditioned to see pinned pupils from opiate use that it's just a red flag in general to me.

< Please do not suggest IV use or taking oxy just to see it from someone's point of view. This is a harm reduction site >

Thank you, Lysis. I saw this comment last night before it was edited and was appalled that anyone would suggest something like that.

You mentioned you and your guy party together. In 32 years I have not had the experience of knowing anyone who was addicted to Heroin who has been
a productive member of society who continued to party at all. I am sure there are I do not know them. The people I knew who got themselves cleaned up
and decided they were just going to smoke a little weed or have a beer are in prison, dead, or are in a critical state mentally and physically..

When I say "party" I mean we go out to bars, concerts, parties with our friends and consume alcohol; not any other slang definition of "party". Even then, we did not begin doing this until several months after he had left rehab, and it's not something that we do 24/7. IMO, he is able to be a productive member of society thanks to the incredibly intensive rehab program he went through, and the importance they placed on the psychological issues of addiction, as well as schemas, coping mechanisms etc... It wasn't just some 90 day treatment where they focus on flushing the system.

However to the OP. I doubt leaving him will be very helpful for him to get over his addiction. If anything he will use more after you leave him because he will get depressed. I think what you should do is have an intervention. Come from a place of love and caring. Just remind him of how bad it got and ask him if he truly wants to go back to that.

This thought has crossed my mind, and it scares me. If I decide to leave, is he going to seek out more drugs and do something potentially dangerous? We have discussed it, and I told him that it's unfair for him to place that kind of burden on me. I feel like I have always come from a place of love, despite Antecessor saying I'm a bitch, especially considering I've never had an addiction problem and I'm just going off what he tells me. He often says I am one of the only people to stick with him this long, and be truly supportive, and I agree. I know that flipping out and screaming and yelling and making him feel worse will not improve the situation. He knows he doesn't want to go back, and I believe him when he says that, which is why I'm so shocked that this even happened in the first place.

MyFinalRest - Thank you