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Boyfriend Has Zero Libido and Can't Maintain Erection or Reach Orgasm (Advice Needed)

christina.amaretta

christina.amaretta

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2014
Messages
12
Location
Georgia
My boyfriend is prescribed oxycodone 30mg, he takes 3 a day out of the 4 prescribed.
We just started dating and the side effects for him are ruining what could be a wonderful relationship..

Not only does he have "oxy rage" and snaps at me over every little thing, he can't perform in bed even when he wants to (which isn't often). He can get hard, but if we switch from bj to sex, he loses it and goes limp. If we change position he loses it. I can get him close to getting off if I blow him long enough, but if he gets close and loses it he can't get it back and then ends up frustrated and very angry to the point of throwing things and yelling. I don't like aggresive behavior like that because I was in a verbally abusive relationship for years...

We've been together for 2 weeks and all we do is argue because he's always very on edge and has a short fuse.
I take the same amount of prescribed drug, along with xanax and methadone and I have a heightened libido but have to work a little harder to reach orgasm. But I can if I work at it and remain calm.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to approach the situation because everything I say just sets him off.
I don't know what to do, and I don't want to give up on him but I can't live with the arguing and the lack of physical affection and sex. :(:?:|
 
Maybe try having sex in the morning before he takes his meds.

I realize you see something in him but IMO a guy who you just started seeing 2 weeks ago and is already showing his ass and disrespecting you by throwing things and yelling at you doesn't deserve you. He should be putting his best effort towards this new relationship not already treating you like crap.
 
Seconded. If you're willing to blow him long enough for him to get close, he should be happy for that, lol. I have the same problem, except that I have no difficulty with maintaining an erection, just have trouble finishing. So I'm content in fucking her brains out, and if I finish. Awesome, if not, there's always later.

In the morning before he takes it should work, though
 
Reaching orgasm on opiates/opioids is pretty difficult for a guy, and they really kill the libido biiiig time. I know it's certainly something that seems to affect guys more than girls. I recommend that maybe he speaks about these problems to his doctor and maybe gets a prescription for a different opioid, for me personally I get that effect with some opiates sadly but with others there's no problem, so changing prescription may solve the issue. It could also solve the rage issue, as I've seen friends of mine easily angered while on specific opiates but noticed that while they were on other opiates they didn't get such an effect.

If nothing else I'd advise getting him to be on the lowest dose of oxy he can take without withdrawals (or none if he's not yet physically dependent, though I'm assuming when you said he's prescribed it, that he is) when it's time for sex, and ask him about his oxy rage and how he feels those times he snaps at you, I know for some people it can be that their dose is wearing off and they're in a bad mood, that their dose is too large and they want to be left alone to nod, that their dose is too small and not sufficient for their needs, etc..

Hope this helps a little :)

(Edit: Also the morning thing is a good idea, provided he takes his meds in the morning. Otherwise just pick the closest time to when he's about to need his next dose)

(Edit2: I completely let the 2 weeks part slip through my mind. These are the kinds of things that could take quite a bit of effort to change, or may not change, i.e. some people are just naturally angry and it comes out when they take various drugs. So it may be worth thinking about if a 2 week relationship is worth the amount of effort that may be needed to change things.

I notice most people get pacifistic on opiates but those that don't all get the same "Argh everything you're doing is so annoying to me right now go away" type of thing going. I think it's usually them wanting to spend the high alone or something and not be bothered, personally I always found that on any high from opiates it takes a lot to bother me. Though someone who's using regularly and not using at that moment in time is likely to get easily agitated.)
 
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I know you don't want to hear it but my honest advice is to just leave. The longer you wait, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to leave.
 
Sounds like he has issues that have nothing to do with the oxys if you two are arguing all the time. You havn't known him long at all and it does not seem too promising.
 
Leave... Are you joking or...? If your dating someone 2 weeks and they are being violent and throwing stuff already you know this is not going to change any time soon. My advice would be break ties before your attached to him. There is a 1% chance you will take my real advice so ill give you an alternative.. half a pill of viagra, cant make things worse
 
Oxycodone tends to make me pretty irritable as well, but that is no excuse for him to be throwing shit at you. That is just FUCKED up. That being said, if you're going to try and stay in the relationship here are a couple suggestions you could pass along to him (and for your sake, don't tell him you went online and asked a bunch of strangers about it, just say you did some research to try and help the relationship - if he's throwing shit at you for little things, I can't imagine what it would progress to if he found out you posted online that he couldn't keep it up):

On the impotence: Long-term opioid use leads to significant drops in testosterone levels. If not for your relationship, advise him he may want to be have a hormone panel done next time he has a doctors appointment. If his testosterone levels turn out to be normal (above 300), maybe suggest those "magic pills" when he's in a good mood.

On the "oxy-rage": This is why I don't like oxycodone. It makes me itchier and more irritable than any other opioid (and many others). See if he would be willing to talk to his doctor about how the oxycodone makes him really irritable and look towards switching to a different opioid.
 
abracadabra girl said:
I know you don't want to hear it but my honest advice is to just leave. The longer you wait, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to leave.
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I second. If he doesn't change or want to change, than he deserve's the change of having you out of his life! Find a man who takes care of YOU! Sexually, mentally, spiritually. Stay safe, stay informed, stay SATISFIED! :P
 
I have gotten irritable from oxycodone in particular, but only when 'coming down' from it. Maybe he is just angry in general, and you wouldn't know it since you have only been with him for 2 weeks and it's been while he's been taking the oxy.

The reason I'm saying that is because if I'm on enough oxy to have diminished libido or problems getting hard then there's usually enough of a dose in me where I'm still high to the point of not being irritable.

I second those saying to try to have sex in the morning before he doses, but I would also recommend that he lowers his dose. You are probably better off just breaking up with him since he's acting out this way towards you this early in the relationship. You don't want to be with someone that has a drug problem if you have one too, so that's another reason to consider severing ties with him.
 
From my experience, I can say the diminished libido comes after being on oxycodone for an EXTENDED period of time. A possibility for why hes affected by it and you arent . Has he been on the meds longer than you have? I had the problem that I didn't even want to touch my fiance for weeks at a time. I don't think the sex before the meds thing will work. When my sex drive plummeted , it was just a constant thing. On or off of the oxy. I'm 23 so I'm absolutely sure the meds were the reason. In agreement with everyone else, you need to get out of this relationship while its easy. Especially considering that all of your problems listed can only be fixed by no longer taking the oxycodone.
 
This has so many red flags. I do not think it is just the oxycodone he is prescribed.

You said all you do is argue. What is so great about this relationship? It does not sound like the sex is too good either.

What is "oxy-rage?" That sounds kind of made up to me, like an excuse to never apologize. I just re-read your post. He throws things at you?

So this man abuses you, argues often, cannot perform sexually, and blames it all on his medication? Are you sure it's just not him?

Most all narcotic pain medications kills the male sex drive to some degree and really that is his problem and not yours, but you are making it yours.

This is after two weeks. Maybe if you were married it might be worth salvaging with therapy, but at two weeks you can just break up and move on with your life.

Just leave him.

You really do not want to be with someone who treats you that way regardless of their excuses. I find that with selfish argumentative people, they will blame everyone and everything but themselves. If you stay with him, he will eventually blame you for problems.

I do wonder what his good points are? (Seriously, does he have a really nice car, make alot of money, or something?)
 
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I know.. It's just a shame because he's fallen so quickly for me. I have love for him, but he's totally in love with me. There are a ton of red flags though. I tried to break it off tonight after writing this post and he tried to "fix" the problem by making love to me but I still had to go down on him for almost an hour. Then when I asked if we could please try to have sex, he told me I was selfish and shut down. I just can't seem to do anything right by him and I don't know how much is the drugs, and how much is just him. He has a lot of issues after serving as a Marine, and then losing a 10 year marriage to adultery. Im a psychology major and I try to talk thru all of this with him, but he just accuses me of "trying to put him on my couch"
 
I have known him a long time, actually.. thats what makes it difficult. He was my brother's best friend growing up, and our families are kind of intertwined socially. I just started dating him 2 weeks ago, but we have been friends for 15 years.
 
Just want to correct the miscommunication.. he isn't throwing anything at ME, just throwing shit. Throwing his pack of cigarettes at the wall, or a pillow.. that sort of thing. it's not directed at me, he's just raging the fuck out because he feels like a failure as a man.
 
Tommyboy said:
I have gotten irritable from oxycodone in particular, but only when 'coming down' from it. Maybe he is just angry in general, and you wouldn't know it since you have only been with him for 2 weeks and it's been while he's been taking the oxy.

The reason I'm saying that is because if I'm on enough oxy to have diminished libido or problems getting hard then there's usually enough of a dose in me where I'm still high to the point of not being irritable.

I second those saying to try to have sex in the morning before he doses, but I would also recommend that he lowers his dose. You are probably better off just breaking up with him since he's acting out this way towards you this early in the relationship. You don't want to be with someone that has a drug problem if you have one too, so that's another reason to consider severing ties with him.
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We don't have drug problems, we're both prescribed these meds.. he has old sports injuries from his days as tennis pro and I had an accident at work 5 years ago and I've had major issues with my back since. Also I suffer from fibromyalgia and carpal tunnel after years of being a pastry chef.
 
SineWaveSoldier said:
Maybe try having sex in the morning before he takes his meds.

I realize you see something in him but IMO a guy who you just started seeing 2 weeks ago and is already showing his ass and disrespecting you by throwing things and yelling at you doesn't deserve you. He should be putting his best effort towards this new relationship not already treating you like crap.
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Yeah, the only time I can get him is in the morning. Problem is, he wakes at 4:30 to go to work at 6 out of town. Bleh.
What kills me is he is showing all the signs of a verbal abuser.. he is sarcastic and mean, cruel and snappy... he nags me and is very critical about MY faults. He won't talk things thru because I'm a psychology major and he accuses me of "putting him on my couch". But then, in the next moment he is nothing but apologies and he cries and begs me not to leave him. He's implanted himself into my life and home so as to make it impossible to walk away easily. He threatened to kill himself tonight when I started telling him I could no longer do this.. It's just a huge fuckign mess.
 
Well everyone has said what there is to be said. I'll just share my part and the issues my gf and I had to overcome. So erection... yeah thats iffy. Getting off on my part... next to impossible. She for the longest felt like a failure for not being able to get me off. I know its just the meds and she is starting to come around to that. I just make sure she ends on a good note and I am happy. The anger you are talking about... I get that every once in a while... not a throwing things or whatever but when the meds are wearing off I can be a little more irritable than my usual calm self. Just from person experience I noticed it much more when I was taking regular oxycodone(4-6hr).. when I switched to oxycontin(10-12hr) my mood is better and also lost most of the high feeling so it was a double bonus... pretty much just lessened the pain. Not saying these will fix the issues but its my experience.
 
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