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Boyfriend cheated on me with 3 different girls. Help, I'm destroyed.

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I know I'm just repeating what everyone else is saying, but shit THREE times? After you guys have only been dating for 3 months? Three months is supposed to be when you can't keep your hands off of each other and you're nutty about each other. Three times isn't a mistake or a drunk excuse. Three times is just a lack of self control, selfish, and downright douchebaggery. If you want to have a monogamous relationship, this guy is not the one.
 
Thanks everyone for the advice. I am not taking him back as a boyfriend but as a friend. I talked to him on the phone this morning and he admits about being a screw up and making stupid choices. He says he's going to change, not for me to take him back but for himself. He thought he wasn't good enough for me based on the looks department, that he was really lucky to date a girl like me. I seemed to good to be true. He believed that in the beginning of the relationship, i was the one who was going to cheat on him because I am always getting hit on by guys almost on a daily basis.

As a friend, I told him that I am not going to take him back because what he did hurt me a lot but that I will be here as a friend. I just won't be seeing or hanging out with him for awhile because I'm not ready to see him. I still have feelings for him and he does too and I don't want to do something stupid like have sex with him. I told him that the only way we will keep in touch is for me to call him every once in awhile...like once or twice a week. Neither of us want to hook up or date other people for the time being because we are still emotionally attached to each other. I'm just going to give it time and see what happens.
 
I think it's a bad idea to "take him back as a friend." If you have had romantic feelings for him for months, it's going to be hard to be around him without slipping up (as in, taking pity on him because he'll be talking about how bad he feels all the time and forget the fact that HE CHEATED ON YOU THREE TIMES!).

I'm a firm believer that pretty much everyone needs to take time away from their ex no matter why the relationship ended so they can heal as well as really figure out who they are and what they actually want without being influenced by their old partner. What I would do is cut off all contact for AT LEAST a few months...

Do yourself a favor and give yourself room to breathe as well as time to think without being influenced by this jerk who has cheated on you not once, not twice, but at least three different times. He doesn't even deserve your friendship at this moment!
 
I can understand not rushing into another relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't date. In fact dating is the quickest way to get over it, and it's perfectly healthy and normal to do.
 
User Name Here said:
I'm a firm believer that pretty much everyone needs to take time away from their ex no matter why the relationship ended so they can heal as well as really figure out who they are and what they actually want without being influenced by their old partner. What I would do is cut off all contact for AT LEAST a few months...
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Quoted for posterity and wisdom" - seriously, OP.
 
Yeah...you need to cut off contact. Guys don't want to be friends with their exes...they think it's just a probationary period until he gets you back, and unfortunately this is often the case. Would a real friend do stuff this shitty to you? No. Cut off contact because this situation will most likely lead to both of you falling back into this situation. Save your self-esteem. How would you feel about yourself if he pulled the same thing again?

The consensus of us as a neutral party is pretty clear.
He is a piece of shit, and we dont want to see you get burned again

:)
 
I hate to say it, but I feel as if you will fold... and you will take him back. The emotion in your words tells me that you're hooked on this guy, and you will probably have to teach yourself a lesson the hard way...

You will take him back and either your lack of trust will sabotage the relationship or he'll do a repeat offense. You'll get burned again and the cycle will repeat.

I've done it oh so many times... *sigh*

My best friend said "How many fingers do you wanna cut off before you realize it's best to just get rid of your entire hand all at once??"
 
Yeah, at least give it some time. I'd say at least a month. Enough time for both of you to move on and meet other people. Guys often don't find it as easy to switch to "friend" mode as easily as you ladies seem to. I guarantee that's not what he's thinking about. His goal is to get back together so that he can have steady pussy when he can't score some strange. Piece of shit.

Also, sorry I came off so harsh in my first post. People who cheat make my blood boil.
 
If you want him back, take him back, but lay down the law, no more cheating at all, and no more shit or lying at all.
He told you everything, so you now have to just let it go and move on. If you really want your relationship to work, it is going to require that you forgive him.

He should make penance, but if he feels under your thumb it will make it all the worse for him.

Best of luck, I would hate for this to ruin your friendship and relationship, but if he wont treat you like you deserve, it has to...
 
why would you even want to share the air w/ a liar that totally disrespected you and your relationship?
time for him to totally step off, no hangin as a "friend", forget him and be glad you found out now before you wasted any more time w/ such an asshole.
you deserve to be treated a whole lot better than this loser has treated you.
best of luck.
-izzy
 
You should hang as a "friend" but piss him off by inviting another guy along (that you like). Flirt with the other guy in front of him and if he gets pissed off tell him "we're just friends, remember?" He'll get the message and be just as hurt IMO. Will probably storm off, and good riddens if he never contacts you again :) he is a loser pos scumbag
 
Super glue his dick to his leg and then make sure you turn him on so it rips right off his skin....
 
muvolution said:
If you want him back, take him back, but lay down the law, no more cheating at all, and no more shit or lying at all.
He told you everything, so you now have to just let it go and move on. If you really want your relationship to work, it is going to require that you forgive him.
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Something tells me that her laying down the law isn't going to work if he has cheated not once, not twice, but at least three times (that she knows of). He's a serial cheater and they've only been together for three months. He says one thing and does another. Surely he cares about her but he needs to work some shit out before he gets involved in a relationship, ya know? He needs to figure out why he has this compulsion and work on it. Same thing for her, especially concerning him.

It's so wise and healthy to take a step back, take a breathe, and give yourself some space so you can really figure out what you want without being influenced by in-the-moment emotions. I wish I hadn't acted on said emotions when it came to the guy I mentioned above because I felt like a fool after taking him back only to find out that he had gotten my best friend pregnant (which was obviously THE deal breaker). I'm so embarrassed by that Jerry Springer-esque moment of my life :\

Anyway, that's not to say you shouldn't follow your heart but in situations like this it comes down to the fact that it's wise to evaluate things before jumping back in, and when I say "evaluate," I mean take a few months off. If they're truly good together then their connection will still be around later on down the road so why not garner some space and figure things out?

I'm not trying to pick on your post, by the way!
 
severely etarded said:
You should hang as a "friend" but piss him off by inviting another guy along (that you like). Flirt with the other guy in front of him and if he gets pissed off tell him "we're just friends, remember?" He'll get the message and be just as hurt IMO. Will probably storm off, and good riddens if he never contacts you again :) he is a loser pos scumbag
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It's a fun idea and I know I've spent hours upon hours thinking about doing stuff like this in the past (it always made me feel better haha) BUT playing games is NEVER good. Never ever ever!

I definitely agree with you on the last part though ;)
 
melizza, I know it sucks and you are hurting now but don't take this guy back even as a friend.

You need space from him since you just broke up. Go out and hang out with friends of yours or go out and meet other people, or do anything besides hang out with your ex.
 
Dating 3 months is nothing.. in 10 years you'll look back at this guy and just shake your head. It still amazes me how emotionally involved I got early on in my dating and how I thought things were big deals that weren't.

Can't tell you what to do but obviously going to echo the others here.. don't bother taking him back. And in the future slow down your involvement with people as well. Relationships will be more real and meaningful if you take them slower.


oh and if he's 17ish and having 3-somes with grenades on ecstasy and drinking.. may want to find a better catch. That's got disaster written all over it.


(btw he's not upset b/c he cheated on you, he's upset because he made himself look bad)
 
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