RICHIE HAWTIN GOES FOR NEW WORLD RECORD IN THE TECHNO HALL OF FAME
DETROIT, Michigan (AP - 9/4/01 - 2:20 a.m.) --
World reknown spinmaster Richie Hawtin is attempting to go where no DJ has gone before.. Techno Immortality.
At press time, Hawtin, who hails from the Windsor / Detroit area, was STILL spinning his remarkable set at City Club, known to locals who usually frequent it as a "goth club". Dropping his first record a little after midnight Sunday night, he and fellow spinster Magda wooed the over-capacity crowd with high intensity beats for more than 10 hours before attendance started to decimate into the morning sunlight of Labor Day. While Magda was only able to keep up for about three hours, Hawtin apparently became robotized and has continued on, despite the 100+ degree heat and lack of an audience.
Manager of City Club, Eugene Goldstein, who insisted this reporter refer to him as "Marvin Manson", said "I left about 6 p.m. today (Monday), and he was still going. I couldn't take it anymore. He even outlasted the Energizers in my fluorescent shoulder Crucifix!" Asked if any patrons were still in the club, Goldstein/Manson said that he had locked the doors about noon after he used a push broom to assist a few stragglers out of the club. "I was ready to listen to some NIN, so I asked (Hawtin) how much longer he planned to play, and he just grunted and continued to push buttons on some funny looking box with a bunch of blinking lights."
A groggy Magda was reached for comment around 1 p.m. today and when told of Hawtin's exploit, Magda said "That muthaf---ahs still going? Damn! I don't know what to tell you. Around 7 a.m., I asked him if he was ready to leave, and he just looked at me and said something like 'All your base are belong to Richie'. And it came out in some kinda weird electronic type of voice, and when I stared hard at him, I could swear I saw those green Matrix characters scrolling by in his eyes." Magda continued to say that when he tried to pull Hawtin away from the booth, his skin felt like some kind of "Plastik", all cold and clammy, and Magda knew then that there was no stopping Hawtin this time.
Around 3:30 p.m. today, 14 year old partygoer Christina Wakefield of Bloomfield was found banging on the doors of City Club trying to get in. Hearing the faint pounding of bass, she asked, "Is that Richie still playing? Man! I can't believe I'm missing this. Why won't they let me in? I just came back to try and find my ring of pacifiers, and I can't believe it's still going on!" Before turning to leave, Wakefield stated, "Please don't print my name 'cause I told my mom and dad I was going out for an all night candle-lit Labor Day vigil sponsored by the Brotherhood of Electrical Iron Workers."
There is no telling how long Hawtin plans to continue his onslaught into DJ immortality. More than a few patrons of the Ramada Inn, which houses City Club, have asked the hotel to accommodate them in another hotel until "that bangity bang bang racket has ceased". Hawtin could not be reached for comment as it is apparent that the minutes on his Pick-Up-And-Go have been exhausted with people leaving voicemail messages. -- Associated Press, all rights reserved.