A first date
I've nothing better to do than tell long dull anecdotes, but I suppose thats what the single thread is for right?
This is more just cathartic for me as its hurting pretty bad right now
Eye contact
Wandering home very late with a friend after a big night out and bump into a large group of people. I know 1 guy in the group from work and stop to chat. Im on a bit of a roll, saying some random funny shit as im know to do when trolleyed. I get a bright smile and attempted eye contact from a cute girl. I give her a personalized 'maddog cheeky grin'(tm), but leave it at that. It should be noted that this is all
drunken recall and I barely remember her.
The setup
On Monday I get an email from my work colleague saying
S from the other night wants my email if its ok with me. Sure, why not. Over the next few days Im swapping emails, MSN chatting and a couple of long phone calls. Shes smart, funny, has a good job and no apparent baggage. On the friday she says she is going out with some friends and we should meet up.
The meetup
A regular first date is scary, a blind date is
very scary. A blind date with a whole group of their female friends who all know the deal and are checking you out as well:
Truly Terrifying.
I'm not 100% sure what she looks like, so as I stroll into the bar, I spot her?, pull out my phone and call her. Hunting for her phone she is the only one who hasnt seen me stroll into the middle of the seated group. Im so petrified my hands are literally numb and its feels like my insides are made of spinning feathers. Every ounce of my willpower is being diverted to appearing relaxed and having all the time in the world. She answers the phone and looks up to see me. I glance around and say out loud (and into my phone): "Hey
S, does this mean I have to buy all your friends drinks too?". The group laughs and the ice is well and truly shattered. Got Adrenaline?
First impression
Slightly shy, very funny with some gorgeous quirks. She has a cute face but overall not at all what i was hoping for. Godammit, I know it
shouldnt matter
More on this later.
Drinkies with ma possie
The centre of attention is not something I will go out of my way for but due to circumstance im thrust bodily into the limelight ... and Im on fire. I liken it to when people are in life or death situations and suddenly can do extraordinary things like jauntily tossing around cars or even folding maps correctly.
I make a few insightful observations for one girls love life, witty remarks by the truckload, a number of backhanded cheeky compliments, and best of all I embarrass the hell out of an unwanted group of guys with some verbal parrying that would make Zorro look like the
star wars kid. I imagine its difficult to harass a group of girls when they are laughing at you and your homies so hard they are nearly crying. Im told later by
S that the lady locker room consensus was 'they would all do me right there in the bar given half the chance'. In a kaleidoscope of cheek kissing and sneaky evil winks the group vanishes into the night, and its just myself and
S.
The night and 'the day after'
After a couple more bars and some more chatting
S invites herself back to my place. I say thats cool, but I wont do anything. For my own reasons, I've never done the 1 night stand thing and its a rule I want to stick to. After some months of abstinence, quite a few drinks and some hours of making out the temptation is enormous. Ive a whole host of flaws im not proud of, but being weak willed isnt one of them. The next (cold light of) day, we chat, have breaky and I see her on her way. The truth settles in the pit of my stomach, Im not attracted to her enough. I would really enjoy going out with her and keep telling myself it doesnt matter, it
shouldnt matter. But I know me, I know that little truth would eat its way at my soul till eventually I called the whole thing off. More pain for everyone.
Conclusions
Communication since has been her saying it went well, me saying Ive reservations. I say I think she is fantastic but dont think there is anything there. Us agreeing to chill and take it easy for now but she wants to make it work.
Im feel like the bad guy ... I feel like a complete
cunt
All of the usual. Had Kangaroo for dinner for the first time! NICE ONE! 
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")