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Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2

^ His high horse?

Someone should tell you that using big words only makes you look like a self righteous prick.

up all night

:)
______

In other news...

So I think this may have been discussed in this thread a long time ago but I'm still wrestling with it. We all know you can't control who you fall in love with and I don't believe you should have to 'settle' for someone who you don't love but I'm starting to realise that there are so many different definitions of love... and I'm not sure which the supposedly healthy one is.

I've always believed that people should only ever settle for that crazy, manic love where that person means everything to you, which is the sort of relationship I'm in now. I'm not really a very passionate person [read: I'm one of the most apathetic people you'll ever meet] but this guy drives me crazy and I love it. But things are never stable, we fight all the time and he's the most unreliable person in the world.

My last boyfriend was quite the opposite. I trusted him completely, we never fought and I knew that he would always be there when I needed him... but it didn't work out. That being said, he would have made the perfect, stereotypical husband.

So, what do you guys think? Are you the sort of person who chases a spark or the sort of person who prefers the 'dependable' types. Which do you think is the better type of person to date?
 
up all night said:
^ His high horse?

Someone should tell you that using big words only makes you look like a self righteous prick.
Click to expand...

It doesn't help when they fuck up the spelling on big toughies like egocentric either. Who uses idiosyncratic outside of a BA essay? ;)

In response to your question, I think there's a happy balance; you can be in crazy love with someone but also trust and rely on them completely. I don't believe increased passion necessarily has a direct relationship with stability whereby the less stable things are, the more passionate it feels.

There always has to be that uncertainty when you're starting off a relationship, but if that continued for too long I'd be driven insane.
 
up all night said:
^ His high horse?

Someone should tell you that using big words only makes you look like a self righteous prick.

up all night

:)
______

In other news...

So I think this may have been discussed in this thread a long time ago but I'm still wrestling with it. We all know you can't control who you fall in love with and I don't believe you should have to 'settle' for someone who you don't love but I'm starting to realise that there are so many different definitions of love... and I'm not sure which the supposedly healthy one is.

I've always believed that people should only ever settle for that crazy, manic love where that person means everything to you, which is the sort of relationship I'm in now. I'm not really a very passionate person [read: I'm one of the most apathetic people you'll ever meet] but this guy drives me crazy and I love it. But things are never stable, we fight all the time and he's the most unreliable person in the world.

My last boyfriend was quite the opposite. I trusted him completely, we never fought and I knew that he would always be there when I needed him... but it didn't work out. That being said, he would have made the perfect, stereotypical husband.

So, what do you guys think? Are you the sort of person who chases a spark or the sort of person who prefers the 'dependable' types. Which do you think is the better type of person to date?
Click to expand...

Good one ;) Hate me because of my vocabulary ;)

Could you have come up with a constructive response to what I wrote rather than labelling the style in which it was written?

Ill stick to using small words from now on.

Thanks for the tip!

Signat
 
hey kids... there was a winkyface in muzby's post

It's funny you should mention this today yarns, cos I was just reading through my poetry/random shite notebook the other day and came across this entry that was sort of inspired by one of your break ups/make ups with said boyfriend (around the time the singles thread spent a week plotting revenge on him ;) ) I was also sort of getting involved with someone, but wondering why I didn't feel the spark, even though I knew they cared for me immensely. (Add to that not being over the ex-boyfriend who fit the bill of the crazy, manic love).

The gist of it was that these people are like a drug - the exhilarating highs make it seem worth the devastating freefall, but by the time you can no longer justify it, the addiction's too far gone, so you line up for another ride. A final hit...

Anyway, for me, I know dependable should equal good, but I just crave something more. I don't know if it's too much time with my head buried in books and watching movies, but I want the whole crazy fairytale partner who makes me ache with every fibre of my being, even if the balance of that equals frustrating lows.

My relationship history sucks... this could very well mean this approach is flawed.


In other news...

I need to get laid.
 
muzby said:
fine..

lets spice this up a bit..

i LOVE being single...

why?

because i don't have an annoying bitch that i have to answer to all the time..

i can pick up random girls and not have to hide my cheating from anyone..

i can treat these random girls like the trash that they are...

single is great, because you can tell a girl you are going to call, and then don't.. this way, you let them down gently.. girls hate closure.. so don't give it to them...

and afterall, what is this love that people talk about? love is simply two insecure people using each other a as a crutch to get through life, because they are too weak to do it by themselves..

and for those people who are whining about being single, maybe it's simply because you are ugly.
Click to expand...

You know muzby that's a horrible thing to say, really really horrible. Love exists; true love, whether it be between a man and woman, or man and man, you shouldn't write it doesn't... It's just not cool.
 
up all night --- i posted a while back about these two different types of love which i label as content vs. happy.

i think it's a bit to do with conditioning, and a bit to do with our own personalities which one we choose to go for.....and i'm not sure i've figured out the rhyme or reason to determine why some people choose the other or vice versa. :\

i think i definitely go predominantly for the happy - the elusive crazy in love spark filled love....but i have also had r/ships with people who i literally have had to develop tangible feelings for....at the beginning it was more a ....seeing potential almost situation.....

i think about this topic way too much. but i might post some more thoughts up later :)

but i will say that i think invariably, in the more superficial ways, choosing the crazy in love type is a lot harder. ie....stress from fighting, difference of opinion, often the level of vindictiveness is higher also due to higher emotional stakes.

i think the other type of love is more insidiously taxing, by somewhat staving yourself of the utter desperation of passion, it can sometimes result in people, and their r/ships turning stale, and some begin to that certain joie de vivre ;)
 
as evidenced marvellously by this thread, i avoid relationships most of the time. it seems to be for the best. but if that big crazy love thing happens, i definitely think it *has* to be jumped at. nonetheless, it's okay not to feel that right away too - some things take a while to progress.

so yeah, i'm a fencesitter too. an angry, cynical fencesitter, but whatever ;)
 
Goodbye single thread. It's been a lovely couple of years but it's time for me to move on.

P.s - go fuck yourself :D
 
I'm still thinking about that crazy passionate love vs solid stable love thing (it was slow morning with a long boring lecture) and I really am torn. I crave stability and dependancy. I'm not really in to change much and I really prefer having nice stable dependable people around me to keep me grounded because I am a fairly erratic type of person (and then you look at who my friends are...sheesh...) but on the same page a relationship cant be built exclusively on dependence. You need that spark and that fire to fall in love with someone. You have to want them so much that you want to learn about them, unwrap them and get inside their soul to truly appreciate them. But in reality this sort of passion can only be sustained to a point over a long period of time. You cant really continue to be caught in the moment of the magic for years and years unless you have the grounding and stability in between.

hmmm...so yes. you need that crazy ridiculous head over heels things to fall truly in love with someone but you cant sustain it forever without some sense of dependability and groundedness.



*i think i just made up some new words
 
^ i think that's the thing leecie - what you say is exactly true....but i think it's extremely rare to find someone that you can have that ideal balance with.

i think many many many many people are in r/ships which are one or the other of those two types of love.....and though they may be long term...i don't think they'll ever be....perfect/optimumly healthy rah rah rah (perhaps this is the romantic idealist in me coming out)

hmmm...
this topic almost does my head in ;)
 
Mary Poppins said:
^ i think that's the thing leecie - what you say is exactly true....but i think it's extremely rare to find someone that you can have that ideal balance with.

i think many many many many people are in r/ships which are one or the other of those two types of love.....and though they may be long term...i don't think they'll ever be....perfect/optimumly healthy rah rah rah (perhaps this is the romantic idealist in me coming out)

hmmm...
this topic almost does my head in ;)
Click to expand...

that topic does my head in to.

i dont think any love could be perfect. its easy for the two people in love to THINK they have the perfect flawless love...but nothing can be perfect forever.

i got asked the other day if i loved soemone. as in relationship ways...and i said no. I love him as a best friend but not as in boyfriend. theres so many meanings behind such an innocent four letter word that it could take on any connotation. (if thats the right word)
 
I have decided to post in this thread, As some may know I was in love with girl for 3 years, she ran off with the bluelighter to melb, came back and has run off with ANOTHER bluelighter, Meh.

Been single is a weird wonderful thing, however…..i find it hard to get back into a relationship, I have had many opportunities….but im waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet so to speak. Marry Poppins and lil leecie have very valid points, I have come to the conclusion that I have traveled through love, through my travels, love has been an understanding of appreciating – sexual, friendship and affection. I think being single after a long relationship rekindles your wants and needs in the next relationship, “never settle for second best” Whats hard is finding girl, not on sexual level but someone with brains, ambitions and a good back round.

Do I want to get caught and waste another 3 years.

Well was it a real waste?

I have grown to understand what it means to love and be loved from my relationship. My understanding of love is that; it doesnt grow like a mushroom. It grows over a long period of time. Love is like a rose bush, it needs pruning; watering and other things that make it grow, strong and beautiful.

Is it worth the pain again?

Meh, I think il stay single for a while, winter is almost over!
 
*snuggles rubber duck*

ive been where youve been.

and am here now...

Been single is a weird wonderful thing, however?.i find it hard to get back into a relationship, I have had many opportunities?but im waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet so to speak.
Click to expand...

getting burnt from love does indeed put a negative vibe on falling back into love. I dont believe anyone falls in love instantly. its something that grows between two people. What i think people cant distinguish between is the feeling of love and the feeling of having a close intense bond with someone.

one day i will be swept off my feet again. (like you rubber duck) but for now i take comfort in the fact that my single life is interesting and i have no troubles with guys right now. and when the sweeping does happen, bring it on :)
 
kandyraverchick said:
^ That's not cool! She didn't ask for that!
Click to expand...

She's one of my good friends in real life, so I hardly think she's sitting at home dabbing away tears after my insult.
 
^ Nah, I knew that. :)

I just couldn't tell with Wacky!

Anyhow: Yeah, what's a relationship if there isn't that full on spark? I mean, sure, I've had one like that before but I think it just meant I wasn't 'that' into him. The comfort and stability was great... but hey, for the most part it was a pretty boring relationship. Then again, I never loved this one... and never said I did, even though we were together for 8 months.

I prefer sparky relationships - the type where 2 years down the track, you're STILL feeling excited about seeing your partner after work/ study or whenever. Personally, I've found you generally find this with someone quite different to yourself, probably because you find them intriguing.

People different to you are awesome - they can teach you so many new things and in turn, you'll grow as a person and discover so much about yourself.

HOWEVER - I'll often 'get along' with people similar better (friendship basis). But nah, I wouldn't want that for a relationship... We'd just clash because we're too alike. It's easier to forgive someone for the arguements when you know it's because they're 'different'. It's just waaaay too annoying when you know it's because they're the same :X. I'd just end up resenting them.
 
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