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Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!

What is Codependency?
Codependent Personality Disorder is a dysfunctional relationship with the self characterized by living through or for another, attempts to control others, blaming others, a sense of victimization, attempts to "fix" others, and intense anxiety around intimacy
I learnt the definition of codependency after my first and only relationship ended. She was a prostitute and a recovering heroin addict... and yes... I thought it'd be a good idea to try and save her.
You live, you learn I guess. The truth is though, I'm still not sure I have learnt. I'm still drawn to troubled people, which is a bit worrying.
One of my favorite movies is 'When A Man Loves a Woman', in the movie Andy Garcia plays a classic codependent husband to Meg Ryan's character; an alcoholic. The funny thing is, the first time I watched the movie years ago, I thought the husband did nothing wrong, I thought he was being the perfect husband/father and that all the problems stemmed from the wife's alcoholism.
If you haven't seen it, catch it and tell me who you think is in the wrong. If you're codependent, it's likely you'll sympathise with Garcia's character, Michael Green.
A codependent personality lives through others, trying to fix someone's problems makes us feel better about ourselves. In essence, we don't love the person, we love the problem.
Half the reason I avoid relationships is because of this, but I know that when I want to settle down again, I'll make sure that she's a "normal" person. That I'm not getting into a situation because I feel sorry for someone and want to help them. That the person is my equal in every aspect of their character.
At the end of the day, being codependent isn't the end of the world, it's just a matter of learning to build healthy relationships with partners.
Hope that hits close to what you were asking Dante.
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im always trying to save my partner from something...i guess i like to be needed even tho i say i dont cos im independant and what not but im gonna be a nurse one of thse days so i guess its just in me or its my motherly insticts coming out :\ i hate to feel dependant on ANYONE *shudders*
backo...hot and bothered on msn hey? hehehehe (read the last singles thread lol)
i cant believe we are on a nw thread already! :o
and my date last nite went as expected ;)
 
intense anxiety around intimacy
Well, I never realised that this was a part of codependancy... talk to anyone about my last relationship, and what was the one thing that they'll remember? How concerned or worried I was the entire time that I'd fuck something up and ruin the relationship... But at the same time, by being so anxious about fucking the relationship up, I managed to fuck the relationship up..
And no, I haven't seen When A Man Loves A Woman in it's entirety... I think I saw the last 10 minutes where they are talking in a park or something though... so I think I'll check it out.
Danke hoptis man.
But I still don't understand how I'm gonna sort this out. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I spend so much time concerned about my partner's feelings and what's going on in their life that I sorta forget about my own stuff... but I don't know how to be different, because I'm so used to being this way that it's just the way I am.
If anyone's got any ideas, feel free to e-mail me as opposed to clogging up this thread with my crap.
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I hafta say that theres nothing at all wrong with being co-dependant.. a lot of people are, they just wouldnt admit to it, and knowing that you are I think is a good thing.. Basically, now when you are in a relationship you will be able to accept why you feel the way you do, instead of wondering what is wrong with you or the relationship.. Also knowing the symptoms of it, you have certain things that you can focus on to either try and change/improve to make your relationships more successful, and thats a lot easier to do when you can identify the warning signs.
So dont think you're some kind of loser or anything just because you personally have a need for companionship, you're not alone, you're just informed :) Its all part of the learning experience, find out about yourself then try and adjust things to improve your situation :)
stace.
 
i guess i have walls up cos ive been hurt 2 much in the past esp with the most recent one and it totally sux quite frankly and i was in a possesive relationship where i was made to feel like i needed him so yeah thats y i like to not 'need' anyone...wanting someone is a different stoty tho...
 
(Warning: Sob story)It's a rainy day and I'm stuck in my house with no provisions and no plans for the impending Friday night.
Just me, alone with my thoughts.
The thoughts of a pathetic single man.
Great! :(
 
doofqueen how have you gone from breaking up with the person you really really love to having a date last night that obviously went well?
Man I'd be crying into my drink for weeks if i was in the same position. Well done you for being able to pick yourself back up again!
as for codependancy...you have to be able to find the right balance between codependancy and independance. they're both as bad as each other.
On a brighter note...I have a date tonight. A proper the-boy-is-going-to-pick-me-up-and-take-me-out kind of date. I'm really nervous!
 
Meh, I got nothing more to add.
Still here, and still gonna have a rocking night tommorow at Pharmacy, and I dare say I'm still going to bed by myself on Sun. But hey who really gives a toss? Not me.
 
Pfft,
Logic has no place in love.
"The walls of logic wear very thin when you try and box your feelings in"
A quote i coined a while ago after realising acting logically in the situaion I was in, would be completely denying my feelings. So i listened to my heart, heard love... had many ups and many downs. Now would be one of the downs.
Thinking about her way to much.
Inactivity and time alone results in too much thinking and subsequent poor moods as i question if i was ever valued the same way.
Ahh, if only we could be together, but alas...
Meh. My point is, i KNOW i need to get over her - that would be the logical thing, but i just can't... Pfft, how annoying.
Some random Adikkal venting-
Adikkal
[ 21 February 2003: Message edited by: Adikkal ]
 
I must say, the last week has picked up very well for me. Not really relationship wise, but i feel much happier (prolly cos i'm at uni again)
Though a weird thing keeps happening, you know when you get that warm, fuzzy feeling when your first in lust/love and all you can do is think about your bf/gf every minute? well, i have that, but without the bf part.. I'm not actually thinking about anyone, i just sit there and feel so nice inside..
And for everyone who is out on a date a big YAY to you!!... hope you all enjoy yourselves and have a beautiful time.
 
It sounds like there are a few unhappy BLs out there. I'm sorry to hear that - i also with i didn't have to join you in your lament.
The strange thing is, i'm not upset about being single. Not at all. I am upset because things i used to take comfort in no longer comfort me. I'm generally a pretty happy person, and i usually don't get brought down by shit too easily, but this last week has been absolute hell. Do any of you feel as though there is no comfort in what is familiar, yet even less in what is not familiar? Usually a hug would have done me the world of good, but these hugs make me feel so empty and alone - so nothing... :\
I wish i knew what is going on - i've never felt like this before...
 
Saturday night:
My neighbours are having a party and singing very loudly to AC/DC so i'm not going to get any sleep for a while yet. Thus I'm having my own private party, theres the usual 2 casks of wine in the fridge (mine & my sistas), theres chicken snitzels for da munchies and international big room tunes. what more could you ask for?
:All welcome :) (maybe i shoulda went out? ...nah)
 
Well finally, eventually things look goood for me.
ive never had relationships, i dont like being owned, i like my freedom, but then again i never used that freedom anyway.
Ive met somebody whos fantastic and we have so much in common its weird, something just draws me to this guy and all the time i spend in his company is just great.
I really dont know, its my own self insecurities that have kept me single all my life, as i grow and experience new things they seem to be dissappearing
Maybe its time, or maybe im ready finally at 19 to date, let go of that freedom and enter the world of relationships and lurVVVVVVVVVVVEeeeee
Oh hell yes im scared of alot of stuff like hurting people, and how you can never know what exactly they are feeling, you only get what they portray through action... im not going to start
Ill give it a go
-funki-
 
*groans*
Farken, Queen Beat you just HAD to put that in there. I KNEW I'd eventually get in shit for impersonating a bogan, I just wasn't sure WHAT kind of shit it would be. ;)
As something of a disclaimer, I have never used that line with a straight face (or without a westie accent).
For the record though, it worked on Queen Beat. ;)
*exits stage left*
-plaz out-
 
Funki: I'm so happy that you're happy. don't be scared- be cautious, but not too cautious if you know what i mean :) I really like him, not that that should make any difference on how you fell about him. I just thought I would let you know :)
 
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