I'd definitely add whosajiggawaa to my list. He is going through some terrible shit right now - we've talked a bit in PMs about it..
I felt in a somewhat similar situation when my mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of stage 4 breast cancer. She was not expected to last long - most women in her situation die in 1-2 years. Her prognosis was still better than I think whosajiggawaa's mothers prognosis is - I hope I am wrong about that and she beats the odds like my own mom has so far (over six years and chemo still working well when she has to be on it - which is less than half the time, but his mother has a significantly worse type of cancer that was found in the late stage. There are still people like that who have somehow beat the odds. and I hope his mom manages to be one of the lucky few.
My sister also has a form of genetic cancer - her life is not in immediate danger. My dad is is Dallas getting a tumor removed from his eye - it is probably just basal cell carcinoma (almost never deadly) but they have to rule out melanoma (it could be a mixed type of cancer). My oldest brother has what I think is a dysplastic and/or myeloproliferative blood disorder and has a high chance of transforming into leukemia. His older biological son shows some traits as well, namely a chronically elevated white blood cell count - nowhere near as bad as his dads. I don't think either of them have anemia, which is a good sign - there is still significant risk of leukemia, especially in the brother I mentioned but also in my nephew (who is really like a brother to me more than his father, since his sons have lived with my mother and I since they were born).
I am adopted, so not affected by the genetic cancers. I used to intentionally expose myself to toxic chemicals. Most of them probably did not do much or any permanent damage, but I did expose myself to very small amounts of benzene several time intentionally, and that can cause cancer and other health effects. It has been a long time since then (the last time was before my first psychedelic trip, I do believe). Benzene exposure seems to be potentially damaging in any amount.
It most likely has not caused any noticeable harm to my mind and I have done well in college (almost straight As except during a few periods of extreme depression, when I either dropped out temporarily or knew I needed some time to recover but tried to hold it all in and pretend to be fine until the end of the semester (this did not work well even when it seemed to be most effective - it made things worse), I ended up in the psych ward pretty fast due to self destructive and suicidal behavior. That is in the past and nothing anyone should be concerned with. I think I have come to terms with my past well enough that it won't dictate my future in any large way - when I do go off my rocker tripping, it will just be a normal bad trip or there could be a small chance that I did inflict permanent damage on my body and mind years ago and I have not recognized yet. It will probably just be a really bad migraine and/or attack of pain from the trigeminal nerve. Perhaps others already know if/how I became. I'm only mentioning this because there is a thread somewhere about abusing drugs or perhaps something more important that is beyond normal thought processes, and I think I posted the initial message (who knows how many were actually being treated for multiple myeloma - what his mother seems to have. I can't even make a wild guess about how treatment affects outcome but have heard of two cases where wild coyotes helped humans in tough survival conditions for whatever. reason - not from freezing to death, but provided some sort of shell where I could function to a very limited extent even when I was supposed to be
I probably did cause some type of major harm to my body and mind. I had my mom put those bad effects into my reconstruction and did not wake up screaming or barely alive - the pain is otherworldly and nightmarish, but very brief and usually causes major dissociative symptoms that allow me to separate from the pain.
I did say that it would help me if I remembered what was going on part of the time . those perceptions were normal and stayed so while I had just about became lost in whatever ways possible.
I did not feel like a real person anymore
. I remembered what was going on part of the time . those perceptions were normal and stayed so while I had just about became lost in whatever ways mentally possible. Most of the dream, I was trying to escape from a bland life of a boxer.
Not sure when the pretty green girl had just escaped to a better realm briefly. It feels awful and only want someone would want to know about it.
I did not feel like a real person anymore - this was after a number of various chemicals but had no importance on seeing then float down to light.
I remembered what was going on part of the time . those perceptions were normal and stayed so while I had just about became lost in whatever ways mentally possible. Most of the dream, I was trying to escape from a bland life of a boxer.
Not sure when the pretty green girl had just escaped to a better realm briefly. It feels awful and only want someone who would find it interesting.
I can see that it sounded like I was tripping my ass off when I wrote that, but it was really just an altered state caused by extreme pain. Maybe it won't happen again for a good long while. Maybe what I did experience could be of some use to others. It was very intense and no drugs needed to cause it.
