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BL/TDS Self-Harm Support: Thread 4

^was just a good thing that id gotten on fb and had a freind call and stay with me on the pc, the majour dammage was done by the cops IMO, not who i had called for. End of story i got up the hospital @ bout midnite, I now realise that i was way overdue for a xanax by then but id had some drinks and already tha 2 i sposed ta. got diazapam instead at hospital, spoke to psyc guy, cleared to leave by 6 sent off with some xanax in tha pair of shorts i got draged off in. Total fuckup I feel so embarassed, my girlfriend was horified, her family wont speak to me, the neighbours are all super pissed off. I cant explain why what happened happened... Am just sorry and feel terrible to have come on here and have to let you know that im still here:(
Much luv to you Herby <3<3
 
I feel like such pathetic scum. I hope these feelings pass. My favorite way of hurting myself is to keep punching myself until I go out cold because I am strong physically but too weak mentally to cut with a blade. fuck this.
 
Oh jesus, I am FUCKING myself UP tonight. I have bruises all over my face. Burn marks on my arms. I wish I could break my nose but I can't. Instead just a pool of blood. Hopefully two black eyes tomorrow. I'm sober too, oh well. FUCK ME.
 
curioushat I am so sorry I didn't see your posts until now. My heart aches for you, that you felt the need to hurt yourself to such an extent. How are you feeling today? How are your wounds? PLEASE, I beg of you, please do not do any further harm to yourself. Please get some help. I'm only a PM away if you need to talk to someone. Take care of yourself okay?? <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
curioushat I am so sorry I didn't see your posts until now. My heart aches for you, that you felt the need to hurt yourself to such an extent. How are you feeling today? How are your wounds? PLEASE, I beg of you, please do not do any further harm to yourself. Please get some help. I'm only a PM away if you need to talk to someone. Take care of yourself okay?? <3
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Thanks, I feel like complete shit. I have a terrible headache, I don't have any black eyes but one can only hope. Maybe tomorrow. I almost made it through today without any self harming, but failed at the last minute. Nothing serious. I wish I could PM you, but I am limited to just 5 at a time (including mods), and I am PMing another mod. Hard and frustrating to have to delete all of my previous conversations, you know.

I just hurt inside, I guess, I really do hate myself. I gave up using most drugs, but I smoke harsh hits of strong tobacco like crack. It sucks.

Goodnight :/ . Tomorrow will be a better day (one can only hope).
 
Tomorrow WILL be a better day <3 I know it's hard to break the self-harm cycle, I've been there myself. But you CAN do it. Tomorrow, if you feel the urge to harm yourself, is there some other type of activity you can do to distract yourself from doing it? Until the urge passes? Because believe me, if you ride out the urge to self-harm, it DOES eventually pass. You've gotta trust me on that. Have you got any friends or relatives you can call when you need to talk to someone? Talking to someone when you feel that low can really help, more than you might think. Again, I know it's hard to reach out, especially when you're depressed and in that deep a state of self-loathing, but you can do it. Please take care of yourself, you are a beautiful person who deserves to feel self-love. I hope you realise that very soon <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
Tomorrow WILL be a better day <3 I know it's hard to break the self-harm cycle, I've been there myself. But you CAN do it. Tomorrow, if you feel the urge to harm yourself, is there some other type of activity you can do to distract yourself from doing it? Until the urge passes? Because believe me, if you ride out the urge to self-harm, it DOES eventually pass. You've gotta trust me on that. Have you got any friends or relatives you can call when you need to talk to someone? Talking to someone when you feel that low can really help, more than you might think. Again, I know it's hard to reach out, especially when you're depressed and in that deep a state of self-loathing, but you can do it. Please take care of yourself, you are a beautiful person who deserves to feel self-love. I hope you realise that very soon <3
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I'm going to reach 50 posts very soon so maybe I will send you a PM then (the admins aren't helpful).

No, I don't have any friends or relatives that I can talk to. I live with my parents, but I've already caused them enough pain that they don't need to know about this (and they don't). I've tried doing a few things to get the feelings to pass, usually I exercise hard but the whole time I am working out I am just thinking of self harming. For some reason when I get the idea in my head I just can't get it to leave, and I HAVE to do it. I know that if I smoke weed the feeling will pass, but I've given that up for health reasons along with all other illegal drugs. Opiates just make me want to self harm more, so I've thrown those out the window entirely (I still use sometimes and I end up hurting myself a lot, I try to knock myself out, wake up, and repeat). Today is definitely a better day, I started working an afternoon/evening shift so I'm no longer dead tired all day. I am fairly confident that I can make it through the day without any self harming, wish me luck !
 
curioushat I am so glad to hear you're feeling positive and optimistic about today, that really makes me happy :) Wishing you lots of luck, BUT remember it's not about luck!! It's about you having the strength and perserverence to overcome the urges to self-harm. Exercise is a fantastic way to distract yourself when you're feeling down. But the awesome thing about exercise is that it also releases endorphins in your brain which act like natural anti-depressants, so you end up feeling much better afterwards as well. I definitely understand what you mean about not being able to get the thought of self-harm out of your head once it's in there though, so if exercise is a trigger for you, perhaps avoid it for today. Work is another great distraction, so I hope that keeps your mind off self-harm. Are there any other activities you can do once you get home from work that will keep you distracted? Do you do any art, like, drawing or painting etc?

You're at 50+ posts now, and I'll be online all day/evening. Please PM me straight away if you need to talk to someone okay?? Take care <3
 
A friend's brother was caught scratching himself with a razor outside the local train station (yes in public). How should one respond to this? Should you just ignore it or assume it's a thinly veiled cry for attention to fill an emotional void?
 
^If I were his brother I would try to talk to him about it. How old is he? Doing it in public seems like an obvious cry for help unless he was high and didn't actually even know what he was doing.
 
So I have started burning myself again. I try to use it in a constructive way, so I am continuing to burn off the tattoo I started to burn off years ago when I was upset enough to want to be burning myself. I didn't burn it deeply enough this time, because I have to be able to go to work and not have massivly infected welt on my arm whereas last time I was not working at that time. So I've burnt and ripped off the first few layers of skin, I'm going to let it heal a bit and then go at it again. It is already looking a little iffy in reguards to infection, but I have to go get some antibiotics anyway (for my vagina lol, I have BV) so that'll probably fix that too.
 
I am feeling much better. *hug* arm looking ugly, but not septic, have antibiotics, all will be fine.
Yeah, just went through a bit of a dark patch there. fuck. Anyway, it's ok. It's gonna be ok.
 
So I have been burning the fucking shit out of my arm I really have to stop or i'll end up deformed and im very worried about infection as everything is oozy and not drying out at all and ive finished my course of antibiotics now and dont want to have to go talk to a dr about burning myself, also getting back to work is going to need to be postponed again, I cant go in like this.
Im confused because I am not upset im feeling a lot better than I was before, I feel happy and I feel like I love everyone and things are fine, I just like burning myself. I think back to when I would cut myself and feel down and its like what was I even thinking, burnings where its at.
I love the sizzle feeling, and the way the skin slips off once its bubbled, and even after, I touch it and its bandaged at the moment but I like to prod at it all over my clothes and people just think im folding my arms and fidgeting but they dont know teehee. And Ive been playing with my needles too but not even with any drugs in them, just... Ahh this needs to stop because I dont want to be ugly but o dont even know why im doing it, am I sick
 
Actually maybe its something to do with people are talking at me like normal but I am not listening, just enough to nod and smile and say a few things at appropriate times like usual lol but not actually having to really hear anything because I am distracted coz im fingering my burnatks through my sleeve, and I havnt got a care in the world lol. Im having a few weird sexual feelings/thoughts but maybe just coz im not working and im not getting enough sex my bf away. I dont knw but im really not having any thoughts about anything but my self and my desires and block out everything else. Packing with my flatmate wr talked all night well she did (its usually that way lol) but this time I have no idea what we even talked about, I just remember prodding myself, im in the zone.
 
No no.. It must be coz im away from work for too long, I need to clean up my arm, good waterproof bandage, get my ass back to work asap. I need sex so bad lol. I think thats it. Ok got plan.
 
I think I am bipolar... or borderline, where is pillthrill? Or am I just getting hypochondria, such mood swings, cant be normal right
 
Do you talk to a therapist Libby?

You can always talk to me. <3

I think it is normal to go through extreme mood swings when dealing with your life after traumatic events. Are there friends in your life who can relate to you and what you are going through?

If things are rough for you - send me a PM. I will always respond and will be understanding.

I think most importantly you face the idea that burning/cutting are equally as hurtful to your body. I may understand why you feel the way you do, and not judge you at all for this. But I still cringed reading it. I think about how nothing I have done to myself compares to it.

I can't say reading it disturbed me at all - I just don't know what to say. I think it is important to value your body and treat it well. I am sure that won't dissuade you; nothing I have read or seen on this site has dissuaded me from what I do to myself. For that reason I have nothing but respect and <3 for you for being honest and for talking about it.
 
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I'm a bit worried, i got scaring on my arms and legs still, Pentagrams and the words "slayer" "evil" "fuck" "cunt" "art" & (S)aint etched into my skin...random slices everywhere, Burns from two years ago. Now ive had another emotional kick in the balls, im drinking, ive upped 8 mg xanax so far today, im low on smokes, been brushed off by my girlfriend dont even know if shes gonna come back. Heading towards the notion of just wanting to pull my bluey (butterfly knife) out and turn myself into more of an obscene work of art. This shit killin me physicly and emotionaly although the pain is sposed to take away from the emotion. I'm prayin my mood gets better im not gonna fight the fucking coppa pig dog maggots again coz i have to call an ambulance. Its not thier fucking place to be there so thats just not gonna hapen. Would rather bleed than fight those motherfuckers... Not a fair fight when its 5 on one. So here i am...Lost and scared:(
 
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