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BL/TDS Self-Harm Support: Thread 4

^
we can trick and fool ourselves into believing almost anything, to the extent of actually exhibiting psychical symptoms. and once we have been convinced and have performed an action, the thought becomes a part of a worldly reality.

there are things like Stockholm Syndrome, where people abducted and held captive will begin to develop a sense of empathy and/or sympathy for their captor, a great percentage of people actually do...

these delusions are reality.

your worry about and fear of depression and anxiety are probably causing social-anxiety creating personal depression, or perhaps visa-verse. either way, the initial root cause is one you can train yourself to not avoid, but confront and surpass.

you are depression and anxiety and all these negative fucking things.
i promise that you are!
you are also happy and motivated, no one else is unless one of us are, and once you are i will be seen in the same light by you, as happy since i always am because i always can be...the same as you.
 
Hey monkeyemergency (great name!) - welcome to TDS <3

Good work on quitting opiates - you should be extremely proud of yourself!! :D

I'm sorry to hear about your self harm, but I am really glad to hear that you realise it isn't a healthy coping strategy.. You say you've started foing it "again" - what helped you to stop last time?

I posted this earlier in the thread but will quote it agai here in case it is useful for you;

I don't know where you are based, chances are not the UK, but there is an excellent website I have found for supporting people who self harm - the link is here if you are interested, I don't think it matters where you are from :)

There is also some really good info here - again it's from the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK but I think it explains it really well and has some good coping mechanisms to try instead of self-harming.
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Are you getting any support at the moment - from friends or family? Do people know about your self-harming?

Also, are you getting any help with your depression? Something like CBT or counselling could help you to get to the bottom of any underlying issues and change negative thought patterns and behaviour.. I have a lot of CBT resources if you are interested, let me know :) There are pharmacological options too, of course, so if you haven't already and are interested, I would recommend going to see your doctor about it..

I'm glad going out and exercising helps, but I completely empathise with feeling worst after dark/early in the morning. Is there anything at all you can do to distract yourself? Take a look at the links I quoted - they offer some really good advice.. Relaxation techniques is an excellent idea. Have you specifically tried meditation?

Finally - I don't know what form your self-harm is taking, but please make sure you take care of yourself medically - clean any cuts, for example.. and don't hesitate to get medical attention if you need it.

I am positive you can get through this - you're really brave coming and posting about it here, and very self-aware amd clearly motivated to find new, healthier coping strategies. You may just need a little help in the interim - no problem with that at all! You've just quit opiates, it's no wonder you are finding things difficult and need an outlet for all your emotions <3

Good luck, and take care of yourself <3
 
thanks so much guys :D i basically stopped when i started doing opioids regularly which isnt exactly a healthy coping mechanism either :/

Ive been going to a psychiatrist for a while, but i really find it hard to become comfortable speaking to him. I often walk in and go blank with regards to what i actually want to talk about, im on venlafaxine at 300mgs daily which has never seemed to help, and clonazepam prn for anxiety and methylphenidate for adhd. The clonazepam works well for when things get too much, but obviously isnt appropriate long-term due to dependence/tolerance issues. And benzos freak me out since ive been dependent on them before for insomnia.

I think its something i have to be strong about and get through by strength of character, its just often times when im way down, i feel like i dont have the strength.

Im feeling good today 3 weeks off opioids and going strong, thanks for all advice and i will check out those links :) its great that people on the internet in completely different parts of the world will take the time to help each other. Makes me feel alot less pessimistic! :D

Oh and recently i have been practising relaxation techniques for anxiety and chronic tension headaches. I find it helpful but hard to get into the habit of doing it often.
 
and i did it again.... ive been cutting/burning sporadically for the past 2 years or so. Well burning only recently because i can pull off burns on my hands and arms from working in a kitchen all the time. I have never in my life felt so shitty as ive been feeling these past few weeks. I can feel myself turning into a horrible person day by day as i grow less and less happy. All these negative feelings are just too much, i keep fantasizing about ways to kill myself. I just want to be happy again,... i cant bear this weight on my shoulders. I dont know what to do
 
^ Please don't feel bad about yourself, that's the kind of thing that fuels your addiction. It's okay, many people go through this, I mean shit, flip through this thread, you aren't alone. You aren't a bad person because you cut yourself, you're just looking from a relief from the pain thrown at you everyday, aren't we all? You need to work on finding another way to do this, and you can't expect to succeed the first time, not even the second, third or fourth time. You might, but you can never expect there to be a magic number. Like any addiction, the key is to pick yourself up and keep going. And please take a look at our Suicide Support Thread if you keep having these thoughts, hopefully there are some things in there that can help you change your mind, or at least give you some things to think about. Is there anybody you know that will listen to you talk about this. I know the one thing that helps me get through tough times is somebody I know I can trust to tell these feelings to, and to know that they won't think any different of me. Feel better <3
 
thank you, I am someone who can go through a lot because I always tell myself that there will be ups and downs in life, and when ill be down ill be down but thats what makes my happiness so much better. Its just that i have been feeling that things wont get better for me, it feels like this time in my life is different than others.... I dont know what it is. I know this is all in my head. I will definitely seek help when i think im loosing control.
 
If this helps, think of it this way. All these bad times you're going through, they only make the good times that much better, and I know that you will find them down the road :) If you feel yourself start to slip anymore, then by all means please go seek help. I'd suggest doing it right now, but that is all completely your choice.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
There's other ways you can control pain.

My advice, is to take a 30 minute walk outside, just to observe nature and to get some exercise. Even if at first you feel the same, by the end, you should at least feel a little better. :) It works like a charm every time I am upset.

I am not going to judge you for whatever you decide to do, but I'm always here if you want to send me a PM. I know sometimes just being able to share what's getting you down can help.
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im sorry for whining so much, its just its seems like everything in my life is going to shit, and the only things i can conrtrol is my diet and and i guess cutting, if i can restrict my diet and loose a few pounds ill feel a little better. i know on one hand im just fooling myself, i mean no matter what i weigh im still going to hate myself.I just wish i could feel ok. i mean fuck i was so close the other week, on one had im kind of cglad i didnt screw my friend over by dieing on him but on the other i just wish it was over. i dont know why im always apologisim but sorry for whining so much .
 
Hating your self is a choice like any other. You can choose not to hate your self. It might take some work, but you can do it.
If every greasy, spray tanned, dumb ass a lock Guido can choose to love him self like a God, you can choose to love your self too.

Why do you hate yourself? What have you done to the world that is beyond forgivness? Have you perpretrated a genocide... I doubt it. Why then can you see your faults for faults, but that they are not you in whole, only special cases of the class of you. I do no not know you, but I do not hate you. I lean the otherway in that regard to be honest.

Please tell why you loath yourself... maybe myself and others give share our perspective on it. PM if you want to talk. (Despite my exterior image, I'm not so scary!)

I will say, every time I hear of someone self harming, it makes me (A multi tour combat vet ) want to cry.
 
glitter kiss, rangrz is SO right hun, there is no reason why you should be hating on yourself so much, and you CAN change how you feel. You are a beautiful person, whether you are currently allowing yourself to believe that or not. You can love yourself hun <3

Have you got a close friend you could talk to about how you're currently coping? I think it would benefit you a lot to open up to a trusted friend hun. A burden shared is a burden halved <3
 
i think my main problem is ive isolated myself so much the past couple years, i lost a bunch of friends a couple years ago because they blame me for the death of another friend who od'ed at my old apartment. none of my other friends realy want to do anything with me cause im always broke, which i can understand. It just gets kind of lonely. anyways now that ive gotten my warrant recinded hopefully it will be easier to find a job.
 
Yeah I know what you mean hun. I've isolated myself from my friends a fair bit due to my drinking and anxiety etc over the years. But you know what? There are always those friends who are glad to hear from you regardless of how long it's been since you saw/spoke to them. Have you got someone in mind that you could just call to say hello? Maybe meet up with them for a cup of coffee or something? Even just the smallest social outing ALWAYS helps put my head back in to a healthy mindset, and makes me feel better.
 
at the moment i dont realy have any friends that live around me, and since i dont drive to see anyone takes me like an hour to 2 see anyone. which still takes money i dont have for the bus. I know could call them but, i can never realy bring myself to use the phone unless im pretty high and that usualy doesnt end well, or it doesnt realy accomplish anything. that and calling people up that i cant realy afford to do anything with just makes me feel worse about the situation
 
I'm not sure how you remote you are you; but there is something to be said for meeting new people! Even they if they are not your old friends, they can still be good friends, no?
 
I'm having some real trouble today, ive still got the burn marks from 2 yrs ago.... today my mindset is telling me to do it again... maybe a bit deeper this time, i just want my emotional pain to go away, writing this crying as i have been for the last hour, I been kicked back to rock bottom I'm just a fuckup, im so upset and angry. This sucks coz yesterday i was on top of the world, Funny how one thing can trigger you back into old habbits:(
 
You are definitely not a fuckup! You are right to be frustrated. Don't hurt yourself. Swim. Walk. Keep writing. Crying is good. I'm here if you want to PM me. Hang in there, S.M.F.G., you are such a good guy.
 
Just felt it right, to get back on here and let folks know that its a new day, I have calmed significantly and am in no danger to myself. Apologies to those whom i may have had a bit concerened. and thankyou all for your support<3
 
I'm so glad to hear you're feeling a bit better SMFG <3 Like you said in the one-word thread, don't let those fuckers get you down, you're better than that. You're gonna be okay man, everything will work out <3
 
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