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Biggest lie you ever told yourself to justify abuse?

brickk said:
I know, its the cheapest, worst, stupid, useless, trash drug existing. But I had a bad moment in my life where I lost my job, friends/girlfriend, basically I was alone inside 4 walls everyday. And I took the habit of amphetamines, since it was the only drug I could use more than once at month, and multiple time at day (unlike mdma or lsd). I am reducing the use right now, but still I'm a bit hooked to it.
I don't fap often to porn unless I'm extremely bored, I just read websites/forum or play some games actually.
Probably opiates would have been a better habit, I don't know, but I don't have access to them, it's because of the price, I don't have a real pain issue so I can't ask doctor to some pills and I don't have enough money to buy them somewhere else. I was thinking a lot of kratom these days but I want to be sure the withdrawals are not so bad as benzos's one. I'm very curious about it honestly.:)
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Yo, you deserve NO shaming. I'm new here but it seems like shaming should be against the rules.

I can relate to you because I've been off and on hooked to fucking DXM. Cause I'm not from the streets -- I rarely run into the "good" drugs! Usually when I do it's cause I visited someone's house and stole some of their meds (or rarely a friend will call me and be like, I found some acid! Or something). Pretty fucked up that I would steal drugs from people I'm close too, right? The blame is mine, but opiates and benzos played a part in that. Speaking of stealing, not too long ago I stole someone's speed, and I railed the hell out of that shit. It may be the "cheapest, worst, stupid, useless trash drug existing", but hell, it's better than nothing to an addict. And I mean, I'm addicted to klonopin and gabapentin, but they're not really recreational drugs. And I'm prescribed them.

Opiates are NOT a better habit. They're a highly addictive and euphoric habit, but like you said it's expensive as hell and it makes life such a struggle.
I'm addicted to kratom (btw, not an opiate. It's a weak opioid) too so I can give you some insight on that. Benzo and alcohol WDs are the only WDs that can kill you. They are horribly uncomfortable and terrifying.
A kratom WD is like a coffee WD + a nicotine WD in strength. Compared to benzos, it's nothing. In fact, if you're taking relatively low doses every day, your WD could be almost nothing. I'm speaking from experience. Kratom is a WONDERFUL drug, especially for people that are trying to stay away from the harder stuff. It can be kinda confusing to figure out how to use it effectively when you first start though, so definitely find some kratom threads and read up.
 
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encyklonopin said:
Yo, you deserve NO shaming. I'm new here but it seems like shaming should be against the rules.

I can relate to you because I've been off and on hooked to fucking DXM. Cause I'm not from the streets -- I rarely run into the "good" drugs! Usually when I do it's cause I visited someone's house and stole some of their meds (or rarely a friend will call me and be like, I found some acid! Or something). Pretty fucked up that I would steal drugs from people I'm close too, right? The blame is mine, but opiates and benzos played a part in that.
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You just described my drug usage 100%.
 
ashwolf22101 said:
You just described my drug usage 100%.
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Hey, that's part of what BL's all about, right? Connecting with similar people? I'd high-five you, but, you know, internet.

@Brickk, I sent you a friend request because I have a comprehensive knowledge of kratom and you seem like you may have questions. Since we're greenlighters I couldn't PM you cause I just PM'd someone recently. But once you're able to, shoot me a message with all of the questions that you have! Don't hold back.

I thought of another excuse from years ago. "Well, I only use at night, and I'm mainly using so I can get to sleep..." and now that excuse has changed into "well, I can't fall asleep. Might as well have some fun."
 
I remembered when my best friend OD? I was devestated but at that point I was clean for a really long time , I even got out the joint 10 months before.. but as much as his death hurt me ! It did not make me want to relapse but right after his funeral my internal heads flood gates opened and I was dying to just try (just a tad...) and I did , and that little tad turned into a real relapse when I was coming fronted I said it was Sean?s death that pushed me this far (which is bullshit) .. even though his death did make me think of heroin and how I would get since at the time I have not used in a while...
but yeah that was my excuse to abuse.
 
"I have been so good with my daily dosages and rationing. Now, I deserve to cut loose this weekend" *binges for a week*
 
My common Excuses are:
"When i get back to my hometown i'll quit benzos, cigarettes and i'll drink responsibly, so i have to enjoy my last days/weeks on benzos"

Also, when my family hides my kpins i search for them all over the house, and when i find them i say to myself "they will hide them again, so i might as well take all the remaining kpins" *takes 18 mg of klonopin*
 
The biggest lie I often use when I?m nearing the end of my stash of a certain drug is that I won?t buy anymore for a while so I might as well get rid of what I?ve got. Then I end up buying more like a week later.
 
With cannabis sometimes:

"I am anxious because I smoke too much weed, more weed should do the trick." Have that problem for three months in my second semester of second year of college. After that I was using it frequently until one year ago that I started to slow down my used, this month I just smoke to hits from a blunt because I was with friends and comfortable.

With amphetamines sometimes:

"I have already done my studies and assignments, is early in the morning so maybe I can redose again and have a nice relaxing day" soon I could be in a 3 day binge for no reason. I feel silly about it, now I don't do it thankfully! I feel better about my self that I could control my prescribed amphetamine, but who knows maybe I can lose my control again.

Now with methamphetamine is another story:

"Wow I feel so relaxed, calm and at the same time stimulate clean and nice, I think I will never binge on this stuff" sure I am not lying about feeling relaxed and calm but I did lie about not be able to binge to it. First time was good, just use 0.1g, second time was the same, but my 3th time was went I met the Mistress call Tina, I got in a binge of redosing every 3-4 hours for 2 days because I was in love with the ritual of vaporizing methamphetamine. If I use very small doses I would redose more often. Thankfully I did eat right, drink a lot of water (with electrolyte) and pop some selenium at least once a day just to be cautious. After that binge I did not touched it, I got scared that that was the beginning of the habit. After that time I done it know and then and it don't lead me to the binge stage I was. Maybe if there any substitute to vaporize with a oil burner could really be something.
 
The biggest, most destructive lie from the height of my addiction is very clear to me.

It's telling myself I could fix and undo the damage I was doing to myself and the people around me. That I just needed to get my drug now, and I could fix the destruction it caused later.

I guess some part of me knew it wasn't true, but that's how addiction works. By feeding your mind lies you're willing to go along with to continue using.
 
*Every week when my husband fills my jar (7- 40 mg OP) , I tell myself I’m gonna do good this time and make them last .
*If I take extra one day I tell myself I’ll just take less tomorrow so I won’t run out at the end of the week ...
Yup always run out and have to disappoint myself and him by asking him for another pill or piece to get by. We both are hooked on them and can’t afford more than what we get weekly at this point .
When I’m withdrawing and feel like shit I tell myself “remember this terrible feeling when you want to do more one day , these restless legs are not worth it. “
 
"It's fine as long as I get it from the doctor."

I often say to my friends as a joke "it's not an addiction if you have a prescription." They will be quick to state this is incorrect, but at the same time if I don't say anything they still don't consider me a junkie for taking my prescription meds even if those meds include morphine and speed... so in reality there is a huge double standard here. Even my own family see it as somehow "different" if I take drugs that come from a doctor. It's different in that you get a regulated supply, that much is true, but morphine is morphine... it's still a highly addictive opiate.

This whole pharma circus is a fucking joke in reality. Doctors are practically legal drug dealers especially private ones. Psychiatrists have thrown all manner of psychoactive drugs at me from Valium to Vyvanse. Most of them have been abusable and/or addictive. Even the non-abusable shit like SSRI's is horrible to withdraw from. Lyrica fucked me up and was even worse than benzos to get off. I was amazed at how readily doctors handed it out, my first thought when it hit was "this is like something I'd buy off a dealer."

And surely enough, in the UK there is now widespread pregabalin addiction and abuse after being widely prescribed for years. No surprises at all, I could have told them that after taking my first dose. Even less surprising is the government only made it a controlled drug after Pfizer's patent expired. Total coincidence I am sure.

Doctors are very often clueless about what they're prescribing and people put too much trust into them. A doctor is not a pharmacist and often has no idea what most drugs are. In the case of new meds they just accept what they're told by the pharma company selling the shit. And the cognitive bias that goes into assuming a certain drug must be safe because the state has approved it for prescription is simply insane. OxyContin is also a state approved pharma drug, how did it go when the FDA allowed Purdue to claim that was non-addictive?

Anyway I am writing this rant under the influence of my prescribed amphetamine and benzos. I am under no illusions though. Drugs is drugs.
 
My fave has always been after a year of alcohol sobriety I ALWAYS start telling myself ‘I’m better now! I’m not longer a drunk so I can have ONE!’
Following week ‘I handled one so well and it wasn’t even a problem, I’ll go two!

Week later it’s a 6 pack, but I got control right?

Next minute wake up and empty bottle of whiskey next to the bed and no memory of how I got there.

I’m an IMPECCABLE BULLSHIT ARTIST.
 
Meth novice 79 said:
My fave has always been after a year of alcohol sobriety I ALWAYS start telling myself ‘I’m better now! I’m not longer a drunk so I can have ONE!’
Following week ‘I handled one so well and it wasn’t even a problem, I’ll go two!

Week later it’s a 6 pack, but I got control right?

Next minute wake up and empty bottle of whiskey next to the bed and no memory of how I got there.

I’m an IMPECCABLE BULLSHIT ARTIST.
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You nailed it my friend, addiction is an insidious MF!!
 
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