^I'm enjoying the story
Especially how they let you hold onto your thizz and told you to spark up lol.
It was me, and my 2 roommates. The dealer roommate had made a super shady deal the day before. The buyer gave my roommate 2 marked bills in the process.
So we're just chillin, smoking weed, watching a movie and I had just munched a fistful of OC. All of a sudden we hear this really loud knock. Over and over again. My roommate goes down to get the door to see who it is, and as he opens the door the cops are swinging the battering ram. A bunch of suited up swat guys come in with guns raised and all that shit. Behind them come the detectives. This is when I knew it was going to be, for lack of a better term, ridiculous. The detectives all have long hair, some have beards, they're all grimey, they got ear rings, they basically look like festival touring hippies. They're even wearing different phish shirts. The uniformed DEA guys split us up and put us into different rooms, and each one of us has a guard. This is when they start rounding up the knives, you know for their "safety." Then the hippy cops come and interrogate us, one at a time. They act like they're our best friends. Once they figure out which room's which, the uniformed cops start tearing our rooms apart. They're breaking shit, and throwing stuff all over the place. The hippy cops are telling us how they hate the uniformed cops, how they wish they didn't have to destroy our rooms, how bad they feel.
They then throw all the drugs they found in my room on the ground. Some E, some weed, and an adderall. I tell them it is my shit, cause there is no point in lying. They nod, and just throw it on the dining room table. Same thing with my other roommate, except he has a viagra pill, idk why, he just does. The uniformed cops start making fun of him, and the hippy cops step in and tell the uniformed cops "that's not cool man." The dealer roommate though, they take ALL of his shit, even his personal stash. Then, after the throw all of my drugs on the table, the uniformed cops come up to me with my perscription bottle of klonopin and then shoves them in my face. He gets all aggro, and one of the hippy cops calms him down. So apparently they don't give a shit about our personal stash's but my big bottle of klonopin is a no no. They then take my dealer roommate out in cuffs. Then the hippy cops stay and talk to us, like they're our friends. We aren't being guarded anymore, or anything like that. My roommate is just shooting the shit with them, like nothing happened. He even asks to hold the battering ram and they say OK. Wtf? My naive roommate then asks them when they are going to come and clean everything up and put shit back. The hippy cops start being super sarcastic and saying shit like "the specialized house cleaning unit is on its way!" and "actually, I think we're just going to hire a personal maid for you," shit like that. Then as they leave, they see a rolled up joint we were just about to spark before they barged in. They tell us, that while waiting for the maid to show up we should relax and forget about all this and chill and relax. They never take the pile of drugs on the table either.
Honestly, now that I write it out, it doesn't seem that ridiculous. It's definitely one of those "you had to have been there" type events. I was 1/2 laughing 1/2 crying once they left. My roommate that they arrested decided to narc on everyone above him. Thank god I assumed the worst and told everyone important that he got arrested, just in case. Thank god I did that.
Oh, you wanna talk about buzz kill? I was super stoned, and nodding off as this was going on. By the end of it I was stone cold sober. Buzz killed. It's crazy how adrenaline can sober your ass up, cause I was pretty lucid when they were interrogating me.
