Hi everyone, first of all sorry for the mistakes, English is not my native language.
About myself : 33 yo man, daily user of gbl for 2 years, a little alcohol before, already tried weed and shrooms and that's it. Little experience with drugs in general thus .
In September 2023 I discovered 5mapb, which I bought from an online store, and I immediately loved it. I had always wanted to try MDMA but not wanting to go through a dealer etc.
I started slowly from September to February with just one dose per month, 200 mg per evening max, and that included two-three redrops (starting dose 70 mg).
In February things got to another level , I tried the 6apb with which I had a bad trip for the first time in my life, I ended up in the emergency room, a big shock at the time but I got over it fairly quickly. Barely 10 days later I tried the 5mapb again and everything was ok again.
Since then, I have completely lost control: I used 5mapb (and a little more 6apb) every week, and often 2 or 3 days a week, for a total of 12 grams in 5 months. .. My tolerance increased for sure, but not that much. When I don't consume for 5 days or more, the initial dose of 70 mg is enough for me to have a good roll, but I compulsively drop 30-50 mg every 3-4 hours until total exhaustion. In March I was already on binges that lasted 24 hours. April-May I went for 48 hours and in June I had two binges that lasted 3 and 5 days respectively, 1.2g consumed for the first and 2g for the second one ... I roll at home only, at the beginning my rolls consisted of sitting in front of the PC, enjoying music, chatting with friends and girls, then little by little a sort of fatigue and depression was always pushing me to spend 3/4 time lying in bed, this was the case during the last two binges, whole days lying on my phone, getting up only to re-dose and almost fainting at time due to drop in blood pressure (little eating, sleeping, and hydrating during these binge eating episodes...). I live alone in a small apartment so that doesn't help. I haven't used for 6 days and I really don't want to, the last binge made me feel so bad mentally, I literally spent 110hours out of 120 laying in the bed (the 10 others sitting in front of the computer), doing nothing, lost weight, was under hydrated, heating, , hyper agitated moaning dumb stuff at the end...
I m disgusted and just feel shocked and disgusted having done all this these last few months. The feeling that an external force was pushing me to re-dose even when there was almost no euphoria left with each dose.
I'm afraid for my brain and my mental health, even if I haven't felt particularly bad physically in recent weeks (apart from frequent sleep paralysis since April, and tension headaches + some brain zaps in the last 2 weeks since the last two binges...), otherwise I have no pain anywhere. I have never vomited, never had real physical pain because of my consumption. But I feel weird, and I really hate myself for having done this to my body, especially in these conditions, 12g is almost 150 doses that I could have taken with friends, with some girlfriends , in a positive context and atmosphere , but no I did this alone at home and most of the time in my bed heating like an idiot...
I ve never felt any addiction to it, I did all this out of boredom, a lot of free time, a temporary job... not really realizing what I was doing.
Last 6 days I've been eating well, I've taken supplements such as 5HTP, but I still worry, while I don't really feel bad physically, I feel worried, shameful, empty, I cry a lot... objectively Is it possible that I have permanently damaged/changed my brain and receptors or is there some placebo feeling too? If anybody has been through this kind of binge with 5mapb, 6 apb or MDMA, how did you recover?
Thank you in advance for your answers
About myself : 33 yo man, daily user of gbl for 2 years, a little alcohol before, already tried weed and shrooms and that's it. Little experience with drugs in general thus .
In September 2023 I discovered 5mapb, which I bought from an online store, and I immediately loved it. I had always wanted to try MDMA but not wanting to go through a dealer etc.
I started slowly from September to February with just one dose per month, 200 mg per evening max, and that included two-three redrops (starting dose 70 mg).
In February things got to another level , I tried the 6apb with which I had a bad trip for the first time in my life, I ended up in the emergency room, a big shock at the time but I got over it fairly quickly. Barely 10 days later I tried the 5mapb again and everything was ok again.
Since then, I have completely lost control: I used 5mapb (and a little more 6apb) every week, and often 2 or 3 days a week, for a total of 12 grams in 5 months. .. My tolerance increased for sure, but not that much. When I don't consume for 5 days or more, the initial dose of 70 mg is enough for me to have a good roll, but I compulsively drop 30-50 mg every 3-4 hours until total exhaustion. In March I was already on binges that lasted 24 hours. April-May I went for 48 hours and in June I had two binges that lasted 3 and 5 days respectively, 1.2g consumed for the first and 2g for the second one ... I roll at home only, at the beginning my rolls consisted of sitting in front of the PC, enjoying music, chatting with friends and girls, then little by little a sort of fatigue and depression was always pushing me to spend 3/4 time lying in bed, this was the case during the last two binges, whole days lying on my phone, getting up only to re-dose and almost fainting at time due to drop in blood pressure (little eating, sleeping, and hydrating during these binge eating episodes...). I live alone in a small apartment so that doesn't help. I haven't used for 6 days and I really don't want to, the last binge made me feel so bad mentally, I literally spent 110hours out of 120 laying in the bed (the 10 others sitting in front of the computer), doing nothing, lost weight, was under hydrated, heating, , hyper agitated moaning dumb stuff at the end...
I m disgusted and just feel shocked and disgusted having done all this these last few months. The feeling that an external force was pushing me to re-dose even when there was almost no euphoria left with each dose.
I'm afraid for my brain and my mental health, even if I haven't felt particularly bad physically in recent weeks (apart from frequent sleep paralysis since April, and tension headaches + some brain zaps in the last 2 weeks since the last two binges...), otherwise I have no pain anywhere. I have never vomited, never had real physical pain because of my consumption. But I feel weird, and I really hate myself for having done this to my body, especially in these conditions, 12g is almost 150 doses that I could have taken with friends, with some girlfriends , in a positive context and atmosphere , but no I did this alone at home and most of the time in my bed heating like an idiot...
I ve never felt any addiction to it, I did all this out of boredom, a lot of free time, a temporary job... not really realizing what I was doing.
Last 6 days I've been eating well, I've taken supplements such as 5HTP, but I still worry, while I don't really feel bad physically, I feel worried, shameful, empty, I cry a lot... objectively Is it possible that I have permanently damaged/changed my brain and receptors or is there some placebo feeling too? If anybody has been through this kind of binge with 5mapb, 6 apb or MDMA, how did you recover?
Thank you in advance for your answers
