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best way to die
- Thread starter yael
- Start date
Suicide isn't the answer mate. I'm not trying to be some controlling prick, but have you considered therapy or medication? We all go through tough times bro, don't opt out when there is lots of life left to live.
yael, i'm moving your thread to another forum - please check in for responses.
support -> tds
alasdair
support -> tds
alasdair
spork
Bluelight Crew
We can't tell you how to take your life, yael. I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way. What's been going on? It can often times just do wonders to get your feelings out in to words. 
Sometimes when people give the standard advice it just makes you feel worse. Im in the same boat as you, well not that I know your situation. Our life situations probably aint got nothing in common with each other but the one thing we do have in common is that I also am ready to get out of here for good.
And whenever anybody tries to tell me "Oh, well, try this, try that" and I say.."I did try that...and this, this, this, this, and that, and this too, and none of it helped....and they just say, well, life can get better! And "it wont be lie this forever!" and "you hae so much to live for" and "but so many people (care about/love you/want you to be here/wtfever).....It just makes me feel more and more alone, and realize more and more that there aint nobody out there who fuckin understands this shit.
and i just feel more and more isolated, and more angry at people, because they truly cant fuckin comprehend.
Because you know what?
Not everybody DOES get better. Not everything DOES change. Not everyone DOES make it. Some people just fucking die. Some peoples lives just get worse and worse. Sometimes, shit just sucks, and you hold it together, and then it gets worse, and you keep holding it together, and it gets worse and worse, and you cant hold on anymore.
It makes me furious when people act like everyone will always be OK in the end. Because for some people, that aint true, and its false fucking hope to say these one size fits all happy-generalizations that have nothign to do with a persons particular situation and in reality cannot possibly predict that persons life outcome. Some people die miserable and alone. some peoples lives do just get worse and worse. tragedies and pain keep happening to some people. There aint no guarantee that holding on WILL make it get better. There aint no one who can tell you that medication or therapy or whateer WILL help.
I wanted to answer your thread so you know that there is at least one person out there who does get it because I am sick of hearing people say the same bullshit to me over and over that just isolates me more and makes me realize just how alone I am in what I am goin thru and been thru. So you know what, I wont patronize you with any lovey happy bullshit and tell you that it gets better when I dont know a damn thing about you and cant possibly know if it will get better. Maybe your life IS really so bad. Maybe it aint and youre just going thru a short period of pain that will change quickly. I dont know but at least I can validate your feelings instead of make you feel like your pain is irrelevant or unimportant. I dont know about you but when i say "this, this, this, and this x500 happened to me and I want to fucking die" and someone tells me "oh, it aint that bad!" its like they are completely undermining your feelings and telling you that youre wrong to feel how you do and basically that you dont 'deserve' to feel that way. And its incredibly frustrating when something really big does happen to you, and you face serious long term lifetime consequences from it and people are still acting like it aint no big deal. Because they dont know what its like and aint experienced it but they will tell you all day long that everythings OK and youre gonna be fine which just pushes you farther and farther away from the world of the living, just re-asserting your belief that nobody gets it.
Nobody on BL will tell you how to die. They are very against suicide and threads about this here, so you wont get no help in that way, Ill tell you that right now. but at least in the face of all the inappropriately bright and happy and cheerful responses you will get you at least know one person aint gonna bullshit you and try and tell you something that aint true, or that may or may not be true. I hope that at least knowing that truth can be some comfort to you.
And whenever anybody tries to tell me "Oh, well, try this, try that" and I say.."I did try that...and this, this, this, this, and that, and this too, and none of it helped....and they just say, well, life can get better! And "it wont be lie this forever!" and "you hae so much to live for" and "but so many people (care about/love you/want you to be here/wtfever).....It just makes me feel more and more alone, and realize more and more that there aint nobody out there who fuckin understands this shit.
and i just feel more and more isolated, and more angry at people, because they truly cant fuckin comprehend.
Because you know what?
Not everybody DOES get better. Not everything DOES change. Not everyone DOES make it. Some people just fucking die. Some peoples lives just get worse and worse. Sometimes, shit just sucks, and you hold it together, and then it gets worse, and you keep holding it together, and it gets worse and worse, and you cant hold on anymore.
It makes me furious when people act like everyone will always be OK in the end. Because for some people, that aint true, and its false fucking hope to say these one size fits all happy-generalizations that have nothign to do with a persons particular situation and in reality cannot possibly predict that persons life outcome. Some people die miserable and alone. some peoples lives do just get worse and worse. tragedies and pain keep happening to some people. There aint no guarantee that holding on WILL make it get better. There aint no one who can tell you that medication or therapy or whateer WILL help.
I wanted to answer your thread so you know that there is at least one person out there who does get it because I am sick of hearing people say the same bullshit to me over and over that just isolates me more and makes me realize just how alone I am in what I am goin thru and been thru. So you know what, I wont patronize you with any lovey happy bullshit and tell you that it gets better when I dont know a damn thing about you and cant possibly know if it will get better. Maybe your life IS really so bad. Maybe it aint and youre just going thru a short period of pain that will change quickly. I dont know but at least I can validate your feelings instead of make you feel like your pain is irrelevant or unimportant. I dont know about you but when i say "this, this, this, and this x500 happened to me and I want to fucking die" and someone tells me "oh, it aint that bad!" its like they are completely undermining your feelings and telling you that youre wrong to feel how you do and basically that you dont 'deserve' to feel that way. And its incredibly frustrating when something really big does happen to you, and you face serious long term lifetime consequences from it and people are still acting like it aint no big deal. Because they dont know what its like and aint experienced it but they will tell you all day long that everythings OK and youre gonna be fine which just pushes you farther and farther away from the world of the living, just re-asserting your belief that nobody gets it.
Nobody on BL will tell you how to die. They are very against suicide and threads about this here, so you wont get no help in that way, Ill tell you that right now. but at least in the face of all the inappropriately bright and happy and cheerful responses you will get you at least know one person aint gonna bullshit you and try and tell you something that aint true, or that may or may not be true. I hope that at least knowing that truth can be some comfort to you.
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Welcome to TDS and BL.. yael.. it is common for threads to be moved to the place where it is felt they are best suited and will revive the best information and support... happens all the time and is for your benefit... TDS or the dark side is the perfect place for this IMO.. there are a many people here who have been or are in a place that is similar... TDS is kinda a special place on BL and has allot of light here. TDS and recovery forms in general have stronger rules in placed to assure a poster that they are safe to share what going on with the the expectation that they will be treated with passion and respect.. sorry if the thread move freaked you a little.. ..
..I guess I should have just said "It will be OK! I know nothing at all about you, but your life will totally get better, i swear! I have no way of knowing this, but it will! Just hold on, I promise you things will get better!"
IME realistic feedback helps a lot more than the trite generic cliches that sound like they came off a motivational poster on a guidance counselors wall. Hearing that shit can be infuriating to somebody who is in a bad place and only pushes them further away and feel more isolated like nobody gets it. Sometimes it helps to have someone say "you know what, life really does suck, and I understand why you feel that way" instead of "You shouldnt think life sucks! life will get better!" which just serves to alienate you more. but whatever. I can see that along with OD, TDS has also changed a lot since I been gone and now only certain types of advice are welcome so I will be sure to avoid giving input here in the future if only the rose tinted view is acceptable.
IME realistic feedback helps a lot more than the trite generic cliches that sound like they came off a motivational poster on a guidance counselors wall. Hearing that shit can be infuriating to somebody who is in a bad place and only pushes them further away and feel more isolated like nobody gets it. Sometimes it helps to have someone say "you know what, life really does suck, and I understand why you feel that way" instead of "You shouldnt think life sucks! life will get better!" which just serves to alienate you more. but whatever. I can see that along with OD, TDS has also changed a lot since I been gone and now only certain types of advice are welcome so I will be sure to avoid giving input here in the future if only the rose tinted view is acceptable.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Hi yael. I recently was reading something which I posted in the suicide thread in the mental health forum. Here is the quote, expanded a little:
This is from a guy named Will Hall and here is a link to his writing:https://www.madinamerica.com/2013/04/time-for-a-new-understanding-of-suicidal-feelings/
It sounds like you are feeling discouraged and tired and you are not seeing any possibility of improvement. I'm almost 60 years old and my life has changed so drastically so many times that one thing I do know is that the future is unknowable. Belief in the future can be very hard to come by when the present feels unbearable. What feels unbearable? Is it possible to specifically share that?
There are many people here that know, or have known in the past, your level of despair. If you feel comfortable sharing the feelings and circumstances that are making your life a misery right now, I know that I speak for many here that truly want to support you. If you don't feel comfortable sharing in the thread, you can always PM me or any other mod.
For now, let me just say that it was an act of great courage and hope to simply come here and share the depths of your despair. My heart goes out to you as one who has felt this many times herself.
This is from a guy named Will Hall and here is a link to his writing:https://www.madinamerica.com/2013/04/time-for-a-new-understanding-of-suicidal-feelings/
It sounds like you are feeling discouraged and tired and you are not seeing any possibility of improvement. I'm almost 60 years old and my life has changed so drastically so many times that one thing I do know is that the future is unknowable. Belief in the future can be very hard to come by when the present feels unbearable. What feels unbearable? Is it possible to specifically share that?
There are many people here that know, or have known in the past, your level of despair. If you feel comfortable sharing the feelings and circumstances that are making your life a misery right now, I know that I speak for many here that truly want to support you. If you don't feel comfortable sharing in the thread, you can always PM me or any other mod.
For now, let me just say that it was an act of great courage and hope to simply come here and share the depths of your despair. My heart goes out to you as one who has felt this many times herself.
SeVeReD
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 16, 2013
- Messages
- 23
Herbavore hit it spot on with that post. Personally I was suicidal for a pretty long time with me getting extremely close to acting on those urges a number of times. Then suddenly I abandoned everything, all my friends, my work, some of my family, and suddenly things started to look brighter. I remolded my life with a new group and such. Sometimes I still get heavily depressed, but it's nowhere near what it used to be. I guess I just needed something big, something changing. Thing is, if you want to end your own life bad enough, nothing anybody says is going to help. I watched my friend try to kill himself and had to save his life after 3 years of counseling and people giving him reasons why he shouldn't do it. I don't want to sound pessimistic but it has to come within yourself to want to live. You yourself have to find the reason or reasons that make life worth suffering through. Much love, from someone who somewhat knows what you are going through upstairs.
Foreigner
Bluelight Crew
In line with what herbavore's quote said, I've found for myself that deep feelings of wanting to die are related to a true desire for ego death. Suicidal ideation is not wanting to die, it's wanting more life but not being sure how to make it happen, or how to break out of the current situation or thought pattern.
Literal death of the body is not a solution so much as it is the end of everything. It accomplishes the task of ego death but at the cost of everything else. As long as you are alive, a solution is possible, no matter how remote the possibility may seem. You can change your mind without exiting the stage.
Thank you for sharing your story. Keep hope alive!
Literal death of the body is not a solution so much as it is the end of everything. It accomplishes the task of ego death but at the cost of everything else. As long as you are alive, a solution is possible, no matter how remote the possibility may seem. You can change your mind without exiting the stage.
Thank you for sharing your story. Keep hope alive!
Why do you think being dead is better than being alive??? rite though... always (whenever we choose) do it tomorrow.. but what has today in store??
rite though... always (whenever we choose) do it tomorrow.. but what has today in store??
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King-Anubis
Bluelighter
What medication have you tried? There's a huge range of treatment out there and unless you've tried all of them you can't give up hope yet! 
Therapy is rather hit and miss to be honest, so don't get disheartened if it doesn't work - I've been in it for years and it's barely scratched the surface.
Best of luck
Therapy is rather hit and miss to be honest, so don't get disheartened if it doesn't work - I've been in it for years and it's barely scratched the surface.This is in some ways, positive. Keep up that mentality - there's always tomorrow, and if you're struggling today do everything possible to get through to tomorrow. Hope is important, and you don't sound like you've given up just yet.
Best of luck
Jarhead
Greenlighter
What do YOU need to feel better? What can someone do for you?
Both questions that are usually never asked.
PM me if ya like.
Both questions that are usually never asked.
PM me if ya like.
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
Life is overwhelming. There is no way around that. But we can find ways to cope with the issues.
You're still posting which is GOOD. It shows you still have hope, no matter how small it may be. Look at all the responses you got here! So many care, and so many want you to live. Complete strangers.
What do you have to look forward to? What do you want from life? Is it a family? Traveling? There's got to be SOMETHING out there that's keeping you here and that's great.
Distraction has helped me from my suicidal thoughts. I completely immerse myself in school and work. Try finding something that interests you and immerse yourself in it. It can be anything from driving, to helping others, to collecting seashells. You get the point.
PM me if you ever need someone to talk to and I'll be a friend to you.
You're still posting which is GOOD. It shows you still have hope, no matter how small it may be. Look at all the responses you got here! So many care, and so many want you to live. Complete strangers.
What do you have to look forward to? What do you want from life? Is it a family? Traveling? There's got to be SOMETHING out there that's keeping you here
and that's great. Distraction has helped me from my suicidal thoughts. I completely immerse myself in school and work. Try finding something that interests you and immerse yourself in it. It can be anything from driving, to helping others, to collecting seashells. You get the point.
PM me if you ever need someone to talk to and I'll be a friend to you.
im not sure dead is better then being alive, sometimes though it feels like death must b better cos its the end of all the pain.
i know i havnt shared much about my life bc its a long story i don't know where to start. wats keeping me here and im still fighting to hold on to life is i have 3 young children they don't live with me for now but i know deep down they still need me.
it helps to see people. care
i know i havnt shared much about my life bc its a long story i don't know where to start. wats keeping me here and im still fighting to hold on to life is i have 3 young children they don't live with me for now but i know deep down they still need me.
it helps to see people. care