• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

best way to die

Khadijah said:
Sometimes when people give the standard advice it just makes you feel worse. Im in the same boat as you, well not that I know your situation. Our life situations probably aint got nothing in common with each other but the one thing we do have in common is that I also am ready to get out of here for good.

And whenever anybody tries to tell me "Oh, well, try this, try that" and I say.."I did try that...and this, this, this, this, and that, and this too, and none of it helped....and they just say, well, life can get better! And "it wont be lie this forever!" and "you hae so much to live for" and "but so many people (care about/love you/want you to be here/wtfever).....It just makes me feel more and more alone, and realize more and more that there aint nobody out there who fuckin understands this shit.

and i just feel more and more isolated, and more angry at people, because they truly cant fuckin comprehend.

Because you know what?

Not everybody DOES get better. Not everything DOES change. Not everyone DOES make it. Some people just fucking die. Some peoples lives just get worse and worse. Sometimes, shit just sucks, and you hold it together, and then it gets worse, and you keep holding it together, and it gets worse and worse, and you cant hold on anymore.

It makes me furious when people act like everyone will always be OK in the end. Because for some people, that aint true, and its false fucking hope to say these one size fits all happy-generalizations that have nothign to do with a persons particular situation and in reality cannot possibly predict that persons life outcome. Some people die miserable and alone. some peoples lives do just get worse and worse. tragedies and pain keep happening to some people. There aint no guarantee that holding on WILL make it get better. There aint no one who can tell you that medication or therapy or whateer WILL help.

I wanted to answer your thread so you know that there is at least one person out there who does get it because I am sick of hearing people say the same bullshit to me over and over that just isolates me more and makes me realize just how alone I am in what I am goin thru and been thru. So you know what, I wont patronize you with any lovey happy bullshit and tell you that it gets better when I dont know a damn thing about you and cant possibly know if it will get better. Maybe your life IS really so bad. Maybe it aint and youre just going thru a short period of pain that will change quickly. I dont know but at least I can validate your feelings instead of make you feel like your pain is irrelevant or unimportant. I dont know about you but when i say "this, this, this, and this x500 happened to me and I want to fucking die" and someone tells me "oh, it aint that bad!" its like they are completely undermining your feelings and telling you that youre wrong to feel how you do and basically that you dont 'deserve' to feel that way. And its incredibly frustrating when something really big does happen to you, and you face serious long term lifetime consequences from it and people are still acting like it aint no big deal. Because they dont know what its like and aint experienced it but they will tell you all day long that everythings OK and youre gonna be fine which just pushes you farther and farther away from the world of the living, just re-asserting your belief that nobody gets it.

Nobody on BL will tell you how to die. They are very against suicide and threads about this here, so you wont get no help in that way, Ill tell you that right now. but at least in the face of all the inappropriately bright and happy and cheerful responses you will get you at least know one person aint gonna bullshit you and try and tell you something that aint true, or that may or may not be true. I hope that at least knowing that truth can be some comfort to you.
Click to expand...

Best post of the fucking year.
 
thanks webbyKevin
i thought reaching out here might help but i still wanna fucking kill myself. my therapist keeps saying feelings r just feelings they won't kill u its wat u do when u feel this way. going to sleep and praying i don't wake up.
 
Its tricky to find words to say in this situation. I don't know to what level your suicidal ideation goes, but I have been thinking for quite awhile now like random thoughts of stabbing myself and just shooting myself in the head.

You know, I have NO intention whatsoever to actually kill myself. Suicide TO ME is lame, boring, and a cowards way out. But thats MY opinion, I'm not trying to point any of these remarks towards you. Anyway, I would like to add to this interesting thread that I really believe random jumbled suicidal feelings or thoughts are completely sane, and normal. And even murderous thoughts or intentions are quite normal and human. And no one should try and make you feel or seem like a freak. Because as far as I'm concerned you are a normal person like anyone else.

I can really see the frustration that Khadijah speaks of when one is going though this shit and others are "too cheerful" or whatever. It actually opened my eyes a bit, so thank you Khadijah!

But at the end of the day I still don't want to see you off yourself, and even though I don't know you from a brick in the road, if you did end up offing yourself it would be a fucking shame. Because blue light is one bad ass place, and you are someone for me to think about when I think I have had a rough day. I guess you coming here to post at all is a good sign, right? And besides me and BL, every life is a precious miracle. You probably already have some hidden strength in you that all of us cannot even fathom or get close to. I wish I could like telepathically communicate what I am getting at......the darkness molds us to potentially become happier than we can imagine.

I hope none of that was too happy sounding!
 
I can totally understand the whole ending life to end the pain thing, but I guess you must believe in some sort of afterlife, because if there isn't, not only will you not feel any pain, you won't even exist anymore. The feeling of pain or joy will be meaningless at that point
 
Having tried suicide a few times over the years (and believe me a truly fucked up suicide attempt can cause way more problems than the initial attempt was intended to alleviate...) and finally settled on two sure-fire techniques, and think about it on probably a daily basis I so know where you're coming from Yael.

But like a few people have mentioned the major drawback of suicide is that by definition if one succeeds in killing onseself then although, of course, they will no longer be troubled and traumatised by whatever was doing that to them when they were alive, there will be no more "self" to appreciate this salient fact.

They will just be no more. They will be as conscious as, well, nothing. And this pisses me off!

Because I not only want the horrible thoughts that flash about my mind on a daily basis to cease, and likewise the flashbacks of the sexual abuse perpertrated against me when I was a teenager which still traumatise me 20 years later, and previous horrific acts of sucide, self-mutilation etc I also want to be able top appreicate this fact, and so therefore be the same self-aware, consicous being I am now so as to really enjoy the feeling of being free of all the aforementioned shit.

But seeing as I - and I suspect most of the members of Bl - don't believe in an after-life the odds are that this is it. And we must just keep on fighting.

Please hang in there Yael if not for anyy other reason than knowing that you have friends on Bluelight who although you have never met them have much in common with you ; and not only is the likelihood high that they will come up with ideas that may help you it is also highly likely that you can reciprocate and help out some other person in The dark side who is also in distress like you; and there's nothing more lovely and satisfying than knowing that you've been able to help someone who was in distress.

Love from Dhcdavid x
 
I've felt like killing myself for real several times in the past, yet never actually done the deed. I've had plenty of time to consider the best way to go in those dark times.

SNIP

But if you truly want advice from someone who has been there..don't do it at all. Feeling good about life is about several factors. All you need is to find one good person and life will seem worth living again. Try to find a way to make your days feel good again, in my case it was gradual, bit by bit and to be honest I am still not HAPPY. But I've managed to realize that that universe is such a vast place full of new, wonderful things that you can never claim to have experienced them all. Now and again something good comes along and makes it all feel worthwhile again.

I don't know you at all, but I can say this with absolute truth: I don't want you to die. I want you to find enjoyment in life and I can guarantee it's there. It may be hidden right now but your perspective may change from the tiniest factor and you may feel good again. Please don't do it. We need you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Please do not use this thread to suggest methods of suicide. That is not condoned on any part of Bluelight. Thank you. <3

yael, how are you doing? If you read this can you please check in with us?
 
Things get better. Sometimes, when you're at your lowest, it seems like there is no hope. But life just works that way. The best way to look at things, rather than suicide, is that even at your lowest lowest LOWEST moment, you are learning from your mistakes, you're learning about what got you there, and that knowledge will make you a stronger and better person further down the road.

Stick with it man, you can do it.
 
I dont know anything about OP or did I miss something?
I wanted to die for over ten years.plotting and planning.trying to overdose.
my goal was to see how much pain a person could possibly be in but
still be alive and breathing.

but give up the hard drugs and give it time and if nothing else,things will CHANGE.
I strongly believe in change and that a person can fundamentally change.

this thread is full of great stuff.peace.
 
^ I'm glad that you survived and even more glad that you experienced the empowerment that comes from changing yourself. Change always happens; but taking the reins and being the change is exhilarating.:D
 
hi i don't have much more to say at this point.
my feelings are still strong of not wanting to live but each day im trying to hold on. for my kids sake.
but my life is really falling apart was fired from my job i just have to much time to think which is a killer
 
You have to stay alive for your kids!! Hang in there, you will see them again soon. Grab a picture, give them a phone call, they're not dead and you have yet to serve your purpose in life (be their parent).
 
hope things get better for you dude. had a failed attempt last year spent 4 days in hospital after it, the thoughts still pop into my head sometimes just out of nowhere but usually when im feeling like shit which is alot. Im glad I failed in my attempt, iv realised that even though I feel like shit most of the time its not the worst thing in the world, there is shit I see going on all the time that is much worse than my problems and their are people who would miss me when im gone family and so on, im sure this is the same for you with your family they would be crushed without you no doubt and that is because they love you.
 
man,
Im very sorry you are thinking of taking your life. Things must be really bad. I cant tell you what to do, but I want out soooo badly its not even funny. I have a serious bipolar disorder, and very serious emotional disorders, very isolated. homeless, im at the library right now hungry and pissed off. But I can relate to your 'wanting to end your existence'

this is the most important decision you will ever make ( i know a generic statement ) so im jus saying, i hope you find happiness. No one diserves to feel that far on edge where you feel like you are grabbing at straws. Its very fucked up Your not alone thats really all i can say.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top