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Benzos: Paying The Price

G

GottaRockDoc

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2002
Messages
183
Hey.
Last time I posted here it was about trying to wean myself off of painkillers. People were helpful and sympathetic - and also pointed out that the amount of acet. I was consuming would greatly compromise my health. I didn't even realize that I was also consuming a huge amount of interchangeable benzos, on an as-needed basis. And as-need meant anytime I felt anything.
Five months later: I got out of detox a week ago yesterday, and have been opiate free for ten days. I kicked heroin 13 years ago, and although my memory may be less than acute, I believe this is worse. And it's not because of the opiates, it's because of the benzos. (Unrepenting insomnia is likely caused by both the opiates and the benzos.) But some of the other physical symptoms: intense headaches, panic attacks, tremors, inability to focus or concentrate, depression, depersonalization, sweating, gastrointestinal disorders of varying intensity and ever-present anxiety. And my doctor -- the legitimate one -- tells me that I can look forward to at least seven months of this to some degree.
It gets a little better every day, and I have to say I'm profoundly grateful to be heading into 2003 clean and sober.
The moral of the story: none. It's not about morality -- it's just about withdrawal. If I'd known what I was looking at (ie. a kick worse than dope) I may not have taken that first xanax.
Be careful.
GRD
 
That really sucks you were blindsided by benzo withdrawl. It is probably one of the worst detoxes to go thru. Chronic withdrawl symptoms have been known to last up to 13 months and you are at risk of having a seizure. Did your "legitimate" doctor suggest weening or detoxing in a facility? It's gotta be one or the other for me...usually weening if I have a choice. Anymore though, I refuse to put myself thru that shit again. I wont do daily benzos for more than a few weeks at a time without taking a month or so off.
 
i went 3 months opiate free, then someone put 40mg of oxy in my face and it was all over, since then (7 months ago) i've been off and on, i haven't experienced any physical withdraw but the mental is hell, i'm pretty much convinced the only way i can ever be a normal human being is 120mg of methadone daily, i'm 20 years old and cannot concentrate, work, eat, sleep, take a shower, drive, shave, have sex, and whatever else goes along with living without having taken some sort of opiate, i notice at work if i'm high i do my paper work better than if i'm sober, i sign my name better, i write better, i walk faster, i talk to people etc etc etc the list goes on. i haven't had an opiate for 5 days or so and i'm a fucking mess. It was like this for the 3 months that i didn't do anything so i know it's not withdraw. I'm almost convinced my body lacks something and i will never be normal, oh well.
 
Bonecutter - thanks. I did the detox in a hospital but they were feeding me ativan and ambien, so I came out still on benzos. Today's a little better than yesterday, and I just have to believe that I can get through this one day at a time.
And Stuffed -- I know exactly what you're talking about. I feel the same way. But when I go to AA I find rooms full of people who feel the way we do, and everything is better.
2003 is going to be a great year. I believe it.
GRD
 
I can't really pinpoint it...the quantity, that is. I started using valium on a daily basis around five years ago. As my overall addiction progressed, so did my intake. Best guess is arouund 8 mg of xanax or 50 mg of valium daily for about 2 years.
My doctor put me on a very low dose of a medication called Seroquel. It's used to treat scizophrenia and emotional/mood disorders in a therapuetic dose. It's helped a lot. The two nights I've taken it I've slept and I seem to be somewhat less anxious. Sleeping is a huge gift - I'm so overwhelmed by the world right now that I pursue it the way I once did smack.
Thanks to everyone for your support.
GRD
 
good luck to you :)
for the past few weeks i've been doing valium/xanax every day to relax (self medicating i suppose) and now i'm realizing how much benzos are fucking me up.
i sleep all day b/c i don't want to deal with whatever is depressing me.
i sleep thru work. i slept for days.
ect ect....
so today for me will be one whole day not taking any :) i've been told since it's only been a few weeks i won't have withdraw syptoms- is this tru?
 
I think you'll be OK if you've only been taking benzos for a short amount of time...it's probably harder to deal with the emotional side than it is the physical. Good luck!
Here's me: I'm 33 days clean (of self-medicating) and in re-reading my first post here, I'm amazed at the progress I've made. With the exception of fairly mild agoraphobia (I can overcome it if I work hard enough), my symptoms have almost entirely subsided. I'm still taking the seroquel to sleep -- but I'm sleeping eight hours a night. The panic attacks are less frequent and less intense. And my immense sense of dread has been replaced by hope.
My doctor is great, and he's been crucial. I'm clincially depressed, and am taking what I like to refer to as a "personality cocktail." Wellbutrin, Paxil CR, aforementioned Seroquel, and .75 mg of xanax daily. (I feel strange about taking the xanax, but my doctor has assured me that so low a dose won't create any withdrawal syndrome and will still help me to get through the panic attacks. That said -- he still wants me off of it by next month.)
I'm AMPED. It feels so good not to have to count pills before I leave the house...and to be present in life again...
Thanks to everyone.
GRD
 
GRD I am right behind you on that one and seem to be in the EXACT same situation as you...
Best wishes to a healthier you also!!
 
I'm not trying to burst your bubble or anything but I can say for certain that you doctor is wrong. It's definately been proven that the length of time someone has been taking benzos is far more relevant than the amount that person has been taking as far as withdrawl symptoms go. If you stop taking the xanax without tapering down you're definately gonna fee the full effects of benzo wd. And you just went thru benzo detox, didnt you? That really surprises me that your doctor would perscribe xanax to you after you just went thru that.
This is something everyone learns in fascilitated detox and I've found that it is one of the few things that are definately true: If you are fresh outta detox from something and you start using THAT drug again, you can expect the withdrawl to feel like you you never stopped in the first.
I'll use myself as an example. I went thru some hellish detox after using many grams/daily of ketamine. I was in the hospital for about 10 days. I got out. Stayed clean for 2 weeks or so. Then started using ket again but not nearly the doses I was using previous to the hospital stay. After only two weeks of using I ended up back in the hospital cause the wd was even more severe than it was after I quit the first time. I remember the nurse looking at me and saying "You've really deteriorated quickly in just a months time."
Do you see understand what I'm saying? If a "normal" person would have been side by side with me during that 2 weeks while I was using ket again, they would have been fine. Since I just recently went thru really bad ket detox I was in bad shape.
Of course you feel good but to think that it's because you dont have to rely on pills just seems like you are kidding yourself. You are taking the exact pill that you had the problem with in the first place.
Again I;m not trying to be a dick at all. Dont take this that way. I just have alotta benzo wd experience.
Point: Do not quit xanax cold turkey. If your doctor says you wont go thru serious benzo withdrawl he his probably wrong and you should call him out on it. Insist that he helps you to taper down slowly.
Good luck.
[ 25 January 2003: Message edited by: Bonecutter ]
 
Watch out quitting benzos... if you've been using them really long in high enough doses, quitting cold turkey can lead to life-threatening seizures. This isn't nearly as common as it is with barbiturates, but it can happen. If you've got a physical addiction to benzos and want to quit, consult a doctor.
 
Okay, this is really beginning to scare me...i've been reading so much about the dangers of benzo's and withdraw. i just started taking xanex 1mg/3x a day and as pathetic as it might sound i began taking this because smoking weed gives me panic attacks and i do not want to give up smoking (i do occationally get panic attack without being high). My concern is what i have been reading does everyone have such a hard time with withdrawl, or is it a situation where if you were to taper off slowly that it could be tolerated. i do not plan to increase my dosage though (even tho' my docs a pill pusher). Thanx for any advice.
 
Panic attacks from smoking pot is really common especially with long time, chronic smokers.
If you taper down slowly from benzos you wont have a problem. Unfortunately tapering down from something so addictive is usually very difficult for someone to do on their own. Your doctor should help you thru this.
 
Hey Bonecutter...
A part of me knows that I'm still going to go through some withdrawal from the benzos, but I want to believe my doctor. I get MANIC when I don't take xanax (or another benzo). It may be that I never get fully off them...in the past I was on depokote, thorazine, and nuerontin - none of them worked, so ultimately I started taking sedative/hynotics to calm the mania (which may or may not be caused by bipolar disease).
But the detox was for opiates -- I was doing TONS of painkillers (Vicodin, Norco, Percocet, Dilaudid, Morphine), and using the benzos on the side. So feeling clean is more about being off the opiates than anything else. And I won't TOUCH those. No matter what.
OK. Freaked out once again by the possibility of going through benzo withdrawal...
GRD
 
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