Benzo rabbit hole

[requiemblue]

As I'm sure some of you have gathered, I'm somewhat of a troubled person, but I have fucking plethora of problems that would make you get it.

Anyways. This isn't a "whiny" thread. This is a what the fuck do I do thread:

Been on high dose benzos for 13 years, same psych. Been to rehab, longest time I had off then was about 90 days until I had a psychotic break (never been psychotic) and was popping Zyprexa and sitting on my parents couch staring at a dead TV. Went back on K and poof psychoses gone. Now I have my own place. I live alone. I truly believe I am in the 1% or whatever that NEED benzodiazepines. I am a total shut in and refuse to go outside or pick up my heart medication when I run out.

I CANT LIVE WITH BENZOS AND I CANT LIVE WITHOUT THEM.

What do I do? Oh yeah dose, 6mg klonopin a day, 30 mg Dalmane at night. I have told numerous people IRL that I will be "gone" if I am cut off. I also have high blood pressure and heart rhythym problem. This is bad. Please be kind to me. Please offer any non inflammatory advice. As stated, I will NOT go off of them. Psychosis and seizures is not a life. Any other tips/ help would be appreciated. I'm in pain.
Thx guys.....

 

[FURI]

Hi there hun! You and I are on a similar boat. I feel your mental anguish. I myself am now on 4 mg ativan daily, 2 .50 mg xanax ,metorpropol (it controls high blood pressure and heart rate.. my resting heart rate is 102 or so resting ON the meds), I'm also on 150mg zoloft, 75 mg seroquel, 50 mg hydroxyzine, and 600mg lithium to top it off. I have PTSD, severe social anxiety, and am bipolar. I also am lucky and have a great service dog. I also take 2 10mg loritab daily and 2 150mg lyrica dailybut that doesn't have anything to do with this.

We are stuck.. I know EXACTLY how you feel. To be honest I have asked the same question here. Some have suggested CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, counselors and such and a taper off the meds.

When I miss my meds I go off crazy on the ones I love as well, my husband is seriously a saint and my father.... he is VERY forgiving let's just leave it at that.

Unfortunately there is not much we can do. What maybe is an option is talking to the psychiatrist about adding a med? Like they did when they added lithium to me, they explained it worked slow and once I am stabalized we can look at other options.

Also a tip my psychiatrist told me is most doctors don't like to talk about how Important B vitamins are. I've been cash strapped and haven't gotten them until literally yesterday. B2, B6,B12 ALL B vitamins he said. He said they are vital to the chemicals the brain produces in the right amounts, don't k ow how well this works yet since I just started but hell to the point we are at there's nothing left to lose except maybe some money but you never know u til you try if it will work.

Being alone can get lonely, I too am a shut in, I advise staying connected with people. I don't have a Facebook but between my hibby, bluelight, and games I stay occupied. Plus I have a 5 year old soo..... yeah lol

You may want,if you like and it's allowed to get a pet. They give so much love and are more therapeutic than you may think of you have never had one.

I am starring to zone out (having an episode of lupus on a bunch of prednisone and ickies ) but please feel free to PM me and I'll check this thread back later tonight or tommorrow. I hope I was able to suggest something that helps ... I really feel you, I really do. Can't live with these can't live without em... the scariest part is benzo withdrawal is deadly.... you are not alone though. And I know I'm not the only one.....

Take care! I know sometimes me all need to vent or talk, I'm here for ya if you need : )

 

[danglesmcgee]

you CAN live without benzos. the simple reason why...its a synthetic man made substance. ive been through a long long dependence on clonazepam. I went through the months of withdrawal. its horrific...I know. but you must remember that ur body was never intended to have its entire central nervous system suppressed on a daily basis. it takes more from you then it gives. you just dont realize it.

 

[requiemblue]

@FURI- your post was so kind, thank you. I too take Metoprolol, 200 mg a day (!) to keep my resting heart rate under 90. Along with several other cardiac drugs.

What it comes down to a quality of life thing. Can't work, can't sleep, can't drive (when out) I'll choose to stay on them for life. I truly believe I have changes in my brain after over a decade of daily use. When I get my refill Friday, I'm going to treat them with utmost respect. I can't endure another withdrawal. I will die.
THANK GOD, I have a connect who was able to get me Xanax before my appt. I'm still calling in the am and seeing if I can come in before Friday. But at least I know I'm covered. It's no Kpin, but a benzo is a benzo.

@dangles- I empathize with what you went through. You have a stronger constitution than me. Life, to me, is simply not worth living without my medication. ?

 

[FURI]

@requiemblue I'm glad to have been able to provide a good vibe for once aside from the chaos I seem to bring with me wherever I go : ( i honestly wished I could reach through and give ya a hug... I know EXACTLY how you feel. My quality of life has diminished so much in the last year, its disabled me and made me erratic at best. Ive been on this fucked up ride for about 4 years i cant imagine how you feel after a decade. Doesnt help that im bipolar and have PTSD. Maybe one of the suggestions is something you haven't given a shot yet and can try once you get your benzos.... just maybe help ya feel a little better. You know more about this than I do I'm betting tho... I'm glad you got something that's not Valium till you get your script Valium sucks in my opinion.

I agree th is shit rewires our brains, it's true we are not meant to have it in our systems but it rewires so it needs it's daily dose of the benzo. I know how you feel when you say life seems not worth it without my meds. I feel ashamed and disgusted that my 5 year old isn't reason enough... but I also need it to function to be his mom and not have a panic attack when I take him out or the doc or anything. Everyone already gives me dirty looks for some reason when we go out with the service dog.... it's terrible. I go into fight or flight it feels like they are going to take my son or something.... it's such a two faced harsh paradox type feeling.... I do always take my meds as prescribed out of sheer fear that I may run low.. I can deal without loritab for a day... no loritab... I don't think so.

@danglesmcgee everything you say is true. Benzo withdrawal is so scary, and you risk death. I realize I'm trying to do the same thing in vain hoping Iget different results but I just.... I don't even know : ( you are a very strong person and I am so happy you broke free from these benzos. You have much more willpower than I do. I try to take 3 a day rather than 4 by the end of the night I'm hyperventilating... I don't know how you did it!

Both of you take care. Requiemblue I will keep you in my prayers if that is ok with you. I wish I could help so much as I feel your plight... hope you get your appointment before friday!

Much love to everyone

 

[I B Profane]

I would look into the Ashton Manual, it's a good way to taper off of benzos if you want to.

I'm also stuck on psych meds myself...they're absolutely a double edged sword. I think the key is taking the lowest dose that you need to. This can be tricky, especially with benzos. Best of luck man.

 

[strgchris]

I don't understand do you want off or do you want suggestions on different possibly more effective drugs? I think benzo's are the most evil class of drugs on the planet. Of course you feel like you require them your dependent on them. Gaba is your primary inhibitory neurotransmitter, while benzo's don't directly impact the levels of gaba in the brain they do change the way your nerve cells receive gaba in the case of of benzo's specifically your gaba a receptors. This creates a negative feedback. Your brains job is to maintain homeostasis once you have introduced exogenous medication that changes the flow of gaba through the nerve cell, as klonopin does, your brain starts the process of downgrading these receptor sites. Essentially they go to sleep, there are fewer nerve cells viable for gaba transmission. The up regulation process of your gaba receptors is slow and complex process that can be mediated through tapering slowly over a period of months or years. I was also on 3-6 mg of k pins. I tried to ct myself and I made it a month before I started having health problems due to the withdrawals. I was hallucinating like crazy I saw bugs crawling on the walls I was vomiting bp was 170/110. Then I finally got into see a specialist and started my taper. You need to be working closely with a medical professional not asking random people on bluelight. You will be ok remember there are always options whether you decide you need more or less. Personally I feel working to a smaller dose is a better option than increasing dosages but I am not a professional. I am currently on 7.5 mg of diazapam which is equivalent to less than .5 mg of klonopin and feel my true self coming through again. Along with therapy of course. Be strong buddy talk get as many opinions as possible. I recommend finding a benzo wise doc, they have a list over at benzo buddies dot com. Stay strong I know its horrible. Just find a professional not a bluelighter and hopefully you can find a compassionate doc that will evaluate your entire situation and not just put you on more pills. You can will be good buddy I promise.

 

[Siouxjenn4]

Im trying to kick benzodiazapenes and oxys, does anyone know if taking metoprolol with help to calm me down.

 

[Nom de Plume]

you CAN live without benzos. the simple reason why..

For the physically dependent, withdrawal from GABAergics, like benzodiazepines, is a medical emergency and commonly results in death. Moreover, one has to consider the so-called kindling effect: each time you withdraw from a GABAergic drug, the severity (and hence the potential for fatality) of withdrawal symptoms is greater than they were during the previous withdrawal.

its a synthetic man made substance.

I'm not educated enough on this topic to feel comfortable in my understanding of it, so I'm hoping any errors or mistakes I make can be corrected by somebody more knowledgeable than myself. But I think I can manage, but I'll still put it as simply as I can:

While a drug may be synthetic, the receptors it affects are not. The benzodiazepine is synthetic, but GABA—what the drugs interact with inside the brain to produce their effects—is biosynthetic and is a natural, endogenous product.

The whole reason why the withdrawal syndrome produced from a state of long-term physiological dependency on these drugs is so commonly fatal is not because of the cessation of the drug use per se. Rather, it is a result of the body's adverse response to the sudden cessation of the consumption of a drug that depletes and replaces a natural bodily ingredient, which is GABA (again, GABA being a 100% natural chemical substance which is vital for the body to have proper, normal functionality—just like with serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, etc.). This depleted GABA coupled with the discontinuance of the drug means GABA production is now at an insufficient level.

The result, in the case of benzodiazepines, is what we call benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome. This diminished GABA can cause deadly seizures (amongst other life-threatening symptoms), for the same reason that an increase in GABA can prevent seizures (which is one reason why so many of these drugs work so effectively in the prevention of convulsions and seizures).

And so your point is moot and misled. Drugs are not magical; they derive their effects from how the brain interprets their input. Drugs do nothing the body cannot already do on its own under the proper conditions, although drugs can typically do it more extreme.

My point is that this synthetic/organic distinction is of no importance.

 

[Siouxjenn4]

Im trying to kick benzodiazapenes and oxys, does anyone know if taking metoprolol with help to calm me down.

Someone please help, I don't wanna go back to dope

 

[Felonious Monk]

Im trying to kick benzodiazapenes and oxys, does anyone know if taking metoprolol with help to calm me down.

It may help some, don't overdo it though.

I can't say enough about cannabis for withdrawal though. CBD-rich if possible. Definitely indica, something relaxing.

 

[Obyron]

While a drug may be synthetic, the receptors it affects are not. The benzodiazepine is synthetic, but GABA—what the drugs interact with inside the brain to produce their effects—is biosynthetic and is a natural, endogenous product.

Thanks for this. The "synthetic, manmade = evil" thing kills me. My acid reflux medication is synthetic too, and yet it seems people only care to heap scorn on the ones they get addicted to. There is a point where a person who is addicted to hitting people in the head with hammers needs to understand that his fundamental problem is not that hammers are synthetic and manmade.