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Venting Being chubby

Survival0200

Survival0200

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Joined
Dec 27, 2005
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I used to be a chubby teenager, and I still am. I had my first relationship in late adulthood. When I was young I felt like girls weren't interested of me, because I was ... fat. And I would've wanted to have a girlfriend.

Do others here have similar experiences, that being overweight makes you less attractive and you haven't been able to find a partner, because they don't want to be with a 'fatty'?

Do you feel like you have missed something just because others found you unattractive?

In my current relationship, my girlfriend is fine with me being chubby. (Of course she says that it would be healthier for me to lose some weight.) When I was young I felt like the girls my age were quite picky. But I guess when you age you start appreciating other things in opposite sex than just their outer appearance.
 
Are you saying you're surprised women judge you based on your physical appearance? Do you not do the same to them? Do you find the appearance of women more/less attractive based on physical criteria, or are you saying you only like them for their personality?

I've never been fat, but when I was ripped and very muscular, I got far more attention, for sure.
 
I had the opposite problem. When I was 14 I weighed about 88 pounds. I got called toothpick, beanpole, q-tip, bag of bones, rack of ribs, chicken chest, stick boy, etc. It sucked! People are cruel and judgmental.

I also had a lisp, stutter and severe acne. So yeah, I wasn't really popular with the girls.
 
CFC said:
Are you saying you're surprised women judge you based on your physical appearance? Do you not do the same to them? Do you find the appearance of women more/less attractive based on physical criteria, or are you saying you only like them for their personality?

I've never been fat, but when I was ripped and very muscular, I got far more attention, for sure.
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This is so true. Men seem to get so hurt when women judge them based on looks yet us men are 10x more judgmental about a woman’s looks. We humans are visual creatures.

And as said by Cracken, being fat is more often than not a sign of being unhealthy. Something that, with proper exercise and diet, can be changed. I think it’s completely fair to pick a partner that cares about their health.

-GC
 
I've never had a specific physical type when it comes to women. I went from dating a blond haired, blue eyed ballerina to a heavy-set woman who worked in a machine shop, and I was equally attracted to them in their own way.
 
Well most people find fat unattractive, that goes for both sexes.

Personally I'm naturally skinny but that didn't do me any favours during a certain period of my life 'cause I looked like a reanimated skeleton. I've also been very overweight for a couple years when I was constantly comfort eating and drinking. I didn't wanna date anyone then and certainly nobody wanted to date me. But at the end of the day I could look like a male swimwear model and it wouldn't matter because my genitals are such a let-down.
 
I am a gay man so take this as you will. Two of my partners have been chubby. I must emphasize chubby, not fat. They were physically robust men who did a lot of labour work and just had a little bit extra in their midsections. I found them very attractive.

But actual fat is unattractive. There are dating niches where people appreciate being overweight, but they are uncommon. Being physically fit is universally attractive. It doesn't mean you have to be a muscle man or something. It just means you have to be active. Of course, fat people get with fat people all the time because they tend to accept one another (or have no choice) -- at least this is my perception. And also people just get together for all kinds of reasons beyond the body.

As for being physically active, the benefits of doing so will feel so good that you will care less about how you look and more about how good you feel. Good looks are an accessory to that. Also, something that is less talked about is that physical capability is attractive. These two former partners that I spoke about, it wasn't just their bodies I was attracted to, it was the fact that their bodies were strong and doing something that I couldn't. They could build things, do a lot of handy work, and it was all done with their big bodies. So another reason why a physically fit body is attractive is because it's usually tied to the man actually displaying his ability with that fit body. Whereas fat people are generally just sitting around. Women (and gay men) like capable men.

If on the other hand you're content with being overweight then all the power to you. I have friends who are overweight and they don't care and they seem fairly happy. But if it really bothers you, then only you can change it.
 
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Foreigner said:
Also, something that is less talked about is that physical capability is attractive. These two former partners that I spoke about, it wasn't just their bodies I was attracted to, it was the fact that their bodies were strong and doing something that I couldn't. They could build things, do a lot of handy work, and it was all done with their big bodies. So another reason why a physically fit body is attractive is because it's usually tied to the man actually displaying his ability with that fit body. Whereas fat people are generally just sitting around. Women (and gay men) like capable men.
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All true. Couldn’t have said it better.
 
xtcgrrrl said:
All true. Couldn’t have said it better.
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I was at the nude beach recently with my friend (I'm a gay male she's a hetero woman). We were of course checking out lots of guys. There were so many guys with gym bodies walking around, just strutting. Then there was this one guy, not super physically fit, but was giving a physical activity demonstration to a woman. He was teaching her how to stretch and do back flips. I did not find this man physically attractive but my friend was gaga. After about an hour, there was a group of women around this man. He was teaching them how to use found-objects at the beach to do workouts, like turning over logs length-wise over and over down the length of the beach. The women around him were attractive! He had gathered an audience.

I just turned to my friend and asked her why the hell this guy was getting so many chicks, and she said, "He's capable and he's teaching them something, he's communicating well, and he's engaging with them. it makes him so sexy."

So all these posers walking around showing off their gym bodies were useless compared to this average-yet-strong guy who was giving demonstrations and teaching skills. I thought the whole scene was interesting!
 
Foreigner said:
I was at the nude beach recently with my friend (I'm a gay male she's a hetero woman). We were of course checking out lots of guys. There were so many guys with gym bodies walking around, just strutting. Then there was this one guy, not super physically fit, but was giving a physical activity demonstration to a woman. He was teaching her how to stretch and do back flips. I did not find this man physically attractive but my friend was gaga. After about an hour, there was a group of women around this man. He was teaching them how to use found-objects at the beach to do workouts, like turning over logs length-wise over and over down the length of the beach. The women around him were attractive! He had gathered an audience.

I just turned to my friend and asked her why the hell this guy was getting so many chicks, and she said, "He's capable and he's teaching them something, he's communicating well, and he's engaging with them. it makes him so sexy."

So all these posers walking around showing off their gym bodies were useless compared to this average-yet-strong guy who was giving demonstrations and teaching skills. I thought the whole scene was interesting!
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I’m not surprised. Competence is sexy. Communicating well, also sexy. Other things, like making eye contact, displaying confidence in oneself (but not cockiness) and having mastery of a skill or occupation are all highly sexy.
 
Foreigner said:
So all these posers walking around showing off their gym bodies were useless compared to this average-yet-strong guy who was giving demonstrations and teaching skills. I thought the whole scene was interesting!
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He may not have had a set of chiselled abs but he demonstrated functional strength. Plus he was interested in engaging with people and that's an attractive personality trait. The problem with the gym rats is that the only thing they generally engage with is their own reflection. Self-absorbed narcissism isn't sexy.
 
I have become somewhat of a gym rat as of late though i have my gym at home. I remember my ex thought it was hot that i could pin her down and stuff she liked the fact that i was strong lol. I was never a huge guy though and when i ws younger i was abit on the skinny side sometimes.

My experience women though is that they arent as picky as guys when it comes to looks. I wasent dating when i got fat for awile but every woman i know told me to stop worrying about weight.
 
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paranoid android said:
In my experience women arent as picky as guys when it comes to looks. I wasent dating when i got fat for awile but every woman i know told me to stop worrying about weight.
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Very true. Most women I know say personality is more important than looks (in a potential partner) which is why so many fat, ugly men are married. In other words, there’s always a chance in love for you, and the right person will not care about superficial things such as appearance. Good looks are fleeting; personality is constant.
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Very true. Most women I know say personality is more important than looks (in a potential partner) which is why so many fat, ugly men are married. In other words, there’s always a chance in love for you, and the right person will not care about superficial things such as appearance. Good looks are fleeting; personality is constant.
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As they say in Trainspotting it's all about personality lol. I remember about 5 years back i had this really hot chick hitting on me but as i later found out she had the most horrible personality ever. Even though we wherent even dating online or anything just flirting she would get upset if i talked to my chick friends or anything for some weird reason. That sent up a huge red flag though and now we dont talk lol
 
paranoid android said:
As they say in Trainspotting it's all about personality lol. I remember about 5 years back i had this really hot chick hitting on me but as i later found out she had the most horrible personality ever. Even though we wherent even dating online or anything just flirting she would get upset if i talked to my chick friends or anything for some weird reason. That sent up a huge red flag though and now we dont talk lol
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Yeah, ime often really attractive people don’t have the best personalities. They’re so used to just coasting through life on the force of their good looks alone, so they never bothered to cultivate an actual interesting and nuanced personality.

That’s why I lucked out so much with my partner :) he’s both hot AND has all the personality traits I desire in a romantic interest.

This girl you are referring to may have been insecure and that’s why she did that overly-jealous thing
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Yeah, ime often really attractive people don’t have the best personalities. They’re so used to just coasting through life on the force of their good looks alone, so they never bothered to cultivate an actual interesting and nuanced personality.

That’s why I lucked out so much with my partner :) he’s both hot AND has all the personality traits I desire in a romantic interest.

This girl you are referring to may have been insecure and that’s why she did that overly-jealous thing
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Ya some of them are l8ike that but i have met really attractive people it just depends on the person. Some of them are rather narcissistic though. I just find that alot of people regardless of looks dont have great personalities lol

Ya you must have lucked out then cause ya that can be rare.

That woman was jealous to the extreme though and like i said we wherent dating just flirting. I would have hated to have found out how jealous she was if we had had a actual relationship. Insecurity could have been some of her problem ya. Though she should have been secure in her looks atleast as she had enough guys hitting on her. If i remember right she may have been conservative to so that could explain alot lol. Jealousy is not a attractive trait in my book.
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Very true. Most women I know say personality is more important than looks (in a potential partner) which is why so many fat, ugly men are married. In other words, there’s always a chance in love for you, and the right person will not care about superficial things such as appearance. Good looks are fleeting; personality is constant.
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The thing is if your fabulous personality comes packaged in shit, nobody is interested in approaching you to investigate it.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
The thing is if your fabulous personality comes packaged in shit, nobody is interested in approaching you to investigate it.
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First of all, this is not true; most of the men I dated weren’t objectively physically impressive, but I liked their personality and their intelligence. Second of all, “packaged in shit” is a rather extreme way to phrase this 😳
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
The thing is if your fabulous personality comes packaged in shit, nobody is interested in approaching you to investigate it.
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Im not so sure. That might be true of guys but not women so much i dont think. I mean ya if your really overweight you might have problems but i dont see being abit chubby as being a problem.
 
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