Beginning not to care

Haven't shaved in a week. Spent the week completely isolated. A few good moments however i just don't care. i have 4 things i definitely have to do and I will not do them.

Wake up get on here. Eat poorly at mcdonalds once during the day. Come home and get back on here again.

Oh well , even this is getting tiring writing this.

Going to sit down on the couch.
 
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OverDone
how much time has passed since you last used?

Apathy and boredom are VERY common in the beginning. Its such a strange world when we first get clean (completely dissimilar to what we are used to)

It would DEFINITELY help if you could find something to replace the old behaviors and FORCE yourself to do it/them. Doing something different takes a lot of courage, man. You already have shown that you have this courage. Its time to flex it again!

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat
 
Dave
I've been deep in apathy before, and not only is it a crushing state, but can be so hard to get out of. I don't want to harangue you, but for me at least the best way to start pulling myself out of a deep funk was to do something-- anything-- that has a measurable positive outcome. Just to get that little bit of a psychological reward from having accomplished something.

If this is a PAWS thing though, I've got nothing really. One thing that I will say is this: shaving does indeed suck, but showering is a great way to feel just that little bit more 'human'. It can be a good motivator (if one is able to strike when the iron's hot) to accomplish another small task, and if one is lucky then a bit of momentum can be built up.

It's like rocking a car out of a mud pit/snowbank. Brute force doesn't work-- it'll just dig you deeper. Got to subtly build momentum, little bit by little bit, until, all of a sudden, you're out and driving again. Being able to forgive yourself is a good start too-- and a very tough thing to do as well.
 
D
PAWS...not sure what that is. Have seen the acronym around so will find out in time.

Regarding doing things , I am, doing things just not things that will relieve the burden. Almost like i am loving this pain and in a sick way punishing the wife. But not picking up and possibly being able to lay some blame on new med levels, I can justify my recent behaviour.

Also waiting until the last minute to do em where it has been my usual MO so when it is done I can restart so to speak and swear I will not continue like that after mopping my brow and just getting the thing done on time or begging powers that be to give me another chance. Pathetic really!

Haven't used cocaine for 1 year (dec.4th) and booze since Mid/late March.
 
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