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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Becoming physically addicted to meth, heavy drinker too.

Calling into HR at that new plant tmrw. In the meantime I did pick up another shift with the current job. We're painting together tomorrow til I have to go to pharmacy with my roomies in the afternoon sometime, then I'll be breaking for a bit.

So pharmacy.. I did crash a bit yesterday day 2 without Vyvanse but I'm already back in shape. Wasnt too bad at all. I had some bloodwork and a doctors appt separately today , so at the doctors I did request an increase from 60mg to 70mg and I did report I'd been overusing, although not how much. Its a good medication for me, it's helping curb the meth cravings, etc, and he is going to refill this right now with no repeats and talk to me in a month. I am going to try my best to take this properly. The stuff is a lifesaver for me when I have it and 70mg is a lot. Its the max dose. If I can take it properly it''ll be better for me and for my doctor refilling again so that's my agenda for the month. Take. Meds. Normally.

I never did go over the whole thing with the antabuse but it turned out I wasnt actually prescribed antabuse but naltrexone which I havent filled. I want antabuse, so while I was talking to my doctor I requested antabuse. Now I'm getting antabuse. :)

I'm still clean from meth and alcohol. Just smoking some pot the last couple days and taking a shot at taking my vyvanse properly starting tomorrow.
 
Hello fellow Dark Siders.

Had a big pain in the ass getting my vyvanse back due to script being left on voicemail rather than fax, and then the pharmacy didnt have the antabuse script. More phone calls and its in but its been forwarded to another pharmacy where they can make the compound. So in the meantime I've got gabapentin and naltrexone which are both supposed to reduce cravings. Finally gonna take both (I left naltrexone at pharmacy in lieu of antabuse until today) and that will coast me til whenever, because Its gonna take a couple days for the antabuse, and my transportation situation out of town to get it is slim pickings.

I had a dream last night about drinking and I was convinced for awhile when I woke up that I had actually drank. It was like my memories had been altered, I even felt a little hungover in my mind. It was so fucking weird. Most intense using dream Ive ever had. Never have I had a dream like that and been convinced for so long and even felt it. Really bizarre.

Anyway I took my vyvanse as prescribed today and feel well. I'm fine here so I can keep this up for the month for sure and get this more stable with my doctor once I've built more trust. I wont lie to him if I overuse, I pretty well always tell my doctor or any doctor everything. I have appts up the yin yang, variety of reasons.

Most immediate appt is at a rapid access addictions medicine (RAAM) clinic in the city on Thursday. It's my intake and will cover counseling, medications, and psychiatry. It will be the thing that will wrap all of this together, in tandem with my family doc, and get me help on an outpatient basis regularly. Everything is all over the place right now and it is frustrating.

It's frustrating how I applied for outpatient counseling basically 3 months ago and I'm still waiting for a call that my once a month counseling sessions can start with another agency. Its frustrating how hospitals are running. ITs frustrating how little has been available since COVID.

I've never even told you guys my saga with a viral conjunctivitis (pinkeye) that spread to bloody blisters in my mouth, my ears, nose, stones in my dick bladder infection, blisters on dick, in ass.. etc etc for weeks. And how pathetic that was. Went into hospital with all new and worsening symptoms and heart BPM over 250 and they did nothing about it except take swab bloodwork and "come back in a week". Literally squat fir my heart over 250bpm. Here's a pic fro June 14th. What a fuckin shit how, in hospital 6 times from what I remember and several doctors online and specialist appts trying to get things together.



Anyway that's my rant for COVID. It's fucked trying to get so much medical stuff done and get better from anything but surely it is happening anyway. I'm managing to stay off meth, not drink, get my meds together, get some counseling and psychiatry finally, wrap it all together into a program that will work for me. My detox and treatment earlier didnt work out cause I bailed but I've had a beach landing anyway. I'm doing okay. I'm well, and I'm happier than Ive been in a long time.

Thanks for following.
 
@Alex_1991, your story thus far struck me enough to comment because of how similar it is to my own. Poly-substance abuse following a similar trajectory. Partying as a teen → destructive alcoholism in early 20s → found pain pills and fell in love, lived that nightmare til my first rehab → convenience and fear of fent led me to meth and ever since it's been a round and round cycle of on something for a while, proving once again how unmanageable it inevitably becomes, then dealing with the consequences of the fallout until I build back up another chance at trying again. I'm currently on the upswing after about 18 months of homelessness. This time is different in the additional fact that my dad offered me help. So a year ago I moved in with him unexpectedly after not having much of a relationship for the past 20 years. It's such an amazing chance to restore something that's played a major role in my spiritual sickness since childhood. And the sad part is, I can already feel myself slipping towards the inevitable spiral. I've been regularly finding myself in the same sick thought patterns and allowed my self care to slip. Starting to isolate from family and we both know what's around the corner..... So, we'll see..

Anyway man, the main thing I wanted to get across to you is a single question. And it you should understand its implications since you've been to treatment enough to get it.

Ask yourself this: have you ever worked ALL the steps?... with a sponsor?.... the way they're outlined in the book?

Man, I've been bouncing in and out of the rooms for a decade now. I've had numerous sponsors, good and bad. Done several 5th steps. Thorough 5th steps. But, when it comes down to it, somewhere around 7,8,9 I always drop the ball. And the book says step 7 is what separates the men from the boys. It took a long time for me to understand the truth behind that statement. It's so damn obvious that every person I know with real long-term recovery; my own brother included, has done the real hard shit that book suggested they do. I've been around long enough to have plenty of awareness of what needs to be done, but have never found the willingness to just fucking get through it. I can't help but wonder if you have a similar feeling. Man, I want you to be sober. Happy, joyous and free. I wish that for all addicts while still terribly unsure if I'll find that for myself.

Don't give up.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I'd be MUCH more concerned about the alcohol. Meth withdrawal may make you feel like all your blood has been replaced with puke, but alcohol withdrawal is often fatal. My bestfriend/partner/soulmate died of alcohol withdrawal. I myself had a seizure that lasted so long (over 6 minutes) that they had to put me into a Phenobarbital coma to stop it (they had injected me with 10mg diazepam and then 5mg Lorazepam and it still wouldn't stop). I was actually in the emergency room when I had the seizure and was told if I had been anywhere else I would have died before I got to the hospital. It was also so violent I fractured my spine, hair-line fracture of my left wrist, dislocated my right shoulder, cracked my left optical socket open, broke 6 ribs and gave myself a concussion. I actually have permanent brain damage due to hypoxia. If the seizures don't kill you, heart attack and stroke are also big risks. And it (seizures) can be SUDDEN. The first time I had one I felt FINE but it had been 12 hours since I had had a drink so decided I better go get one and then next thing I knew there were paramedics there telling me I'd had a grand mal seizure. The scary thing is my dad was in the room and he said as I fell my head was gonna whack the corner of the coffee table and he managed to shove my body in a different direction at the last second. Head injuries are just as dangerous as the actual seizure itself killing you. I had one in the bathroom once and split my head open on the side of the bathtub.
I've also had a mini-stroke from alcohol withdrawal (at age 20) and afterwards the left half ofd my body was numb and I didn't recognise my parents and last year I had a series of mini-strokes that left me profoundly confused and disoriented for months.
I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you to be safe. Never ever ever stop drinking suddenly (unless you are in hospital or a detox facility being monitored by doctors and being given a benzodiazapine to safely detox). It's actually worse to even just slightly reduce your drinking than it is to keep drinking. ALWAYS see a doctor. If you DO try and taper off alcohol, two SMALL (25ml) shots of vodka or less than 1 pint of beer per day is the MAXIMUM safe amount to reduce by.
The heart condition makes alcohol withdrawal extra dangerous for you as it makes your heart rate and blood pressure soar massively (hence cardiac arrest or stroke).
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Wow that sounds awful. How bad was is the brain damage from hypoxia? Do you notice any difference? How was it diagnosed?
 
Janzio said:
Wow that sounds awful. How bad was is the brain damage from hypoxia? Do you notice any difference? How was it diagnosed?
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It's mostly the part of my brain that controls short- and intermediate term memory and word recall. It's like having mild-moderate Alzheimer's. I have to proof-read posts like this several times, too, because I have issues specifically pertaining to typing/writing. I have a "writing stutter" where I'll often write the same word twice and not know. Or I use rhyming words instead of the next word. Like "I don't thon't so" instead of "I don't think so".
I do sometimes speak in non-sequiturs, especially when stressed or upset, by that's PROBABLY mental illness, rather than brain damage.
 
Janzio said:
Have you ever had brain scans done that show the damage?
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Yes. Not for that reason. I had them done due to a seizure disorder (I started having seizures unrelated to alcohol withdrawal months/years after I stopped drinking and they checked out that out as well at the same time).
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
Yes. Not for that reason. I had them done due to a seizure disorder (I started having seizures unrelated to alcohol withdrawal months/years after I stopped drinking and they checked out that out as well at the same time).
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The scans do show damage though? Because I have heard that sometimes they don't show anything even if there is actually damage
 
I’m always here for you, Doll, you know this.

Don’t beat yourself up for not taking full advantage of all the rehab had to offer. You were likely not ready for their help.

As for heart valve replacement, I’m guessing it’s your mitral or aortic valve, (these birth defects are not uncommon to enter the world with), rather than your tricuspid or pulmonary valves.

I can tell you that I have never seen a situation in which a patient needed either a valvulopasty (repair of your valve) or valve replacement (many valve replacements are done with a porcine valve, or a pig’s valve. Their cardiothoracic anatomy is very similar to our’s), and the surgery was denied due to recreational drug use. They may encourage you to stop all recreational drug use prior to the surgery but I doubt you have to be sober for many days. BUT they’ll really stress that nicotine should be stopped at least 2 weeks prior to the surgery, and through the post-op period. I think you can manage that. Nicotine inhibits our ability to regenerate healthfully from surgical wounds. They’ll also verify that you are off any blood thinners, including Ibuprofen, aspirin and Aleve. I know that you’re worried about this surgery.

If you want, I can contact a doctor who’s in the Cardiothoracic department of the hospital you’ve been to, and I’ll ask anonymously about approving a heart valve surgery for a patient in active addiction. Text me the name of the hospital, and/or any particular surgeon you’ve consulted with re: your condition, and I’ll get the details re: any requirements re: patients and this particular surgery. They won’t know who I’m making the inquiry for.
 
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