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Fuck! I hate life! I hate my ex-bf even more!
He started a fight with me bout a damn ashtray. Started tellin me how worthless I was & I was nothin but a fat ass loser. Just on & on, but damn it I didn't give him the satisfaction of seein me cry! He even trashed my 11 yr son who is permanently in the hospital with Parkinsons & X-ALD. ALD is fatal..
Cops wouldn't make him leave bc I have no marks & he's on the house too..
Looks like it's time to pack up and leave while he's gone like I did with hubby.
Just not sure where we'll go..
 
Oh baby! Things are really hard for you right now. I am so sorry. I do think if you can leave, you should. I personally think kids would rather live in a car or something than with an abusive parent figure. Ugh. I wish I lived closer to you! Does your probation require that you have to stay within a certain area? Huge squeezy Internet hugs to you!
 
Thanks beachy!!
I have to stay in the county. I was gonna file a stolen droid bc he took one of mine and ALL chargers. I txt him nicely, he left after throwin me around, and asked for at least my charger to reach my babies my husband took and he told me "tough, fuck off".
I can't pay rent, I have no money. He always did bill payin & everything is in his name.
My daughter, the teen who watched my ex beat me, hit him as hard as she could with an oak cross I had on the table when he pinned me down. He even had the nerve to say i asked for it.
I don't know what to do.. I have no money to my name. I have no friends near by. Closest is a lil over an hr away. I don't wanna end up in my car, my PO would have my kids taken.
I'm gonna have to beg mommy for money. I hate that. Makes me feel so worthless.
Now he's made me feel so worthless and disgustin.
I wish I'd just fuckin die!!!!
Edit: My mom is a fuckhead, confirmed. She told me that she's not helpin me & I shouldn't have pissed him off. I accidently spilled an ashtray, wtf?! Fuck her too! She never was a mom.
 
Baby, I am sorry to hear about your troubles. There are times when I have felt so trapped, drowning, even, and I felt like there was no hope, but everything seems to work out. I know this might be very hard to accept considering your current circumstances, and in no way am I trying to minimize them, but things do have a tendency to get better, even when I feel certain everything is getting worse. You are very strong - that is clear. You will get through this, but do not let your pride get in the way of asking others for help. When you need help, you need help, and there is no shame in asking for it. Perhaps try talking to your mom, again, and explaining the severity of it. I am not above begging if I need to for my interests. If your mom is resolved not to help, try going to friends or other family. I cannot imagine what you are going through, and am just trying to give some simple helpful advice. I wish you and your kids the best. You and they deserve it.

-Alex
 
Thanks guys.
He came home late but I insisted we could only be friends, IF that! He begged & begged but no.. He acts like nothin happend. =/
I ended up bangin 40 mgs zolpidem (HR: Don't do this!)
I did 3 filter passes and it went from cloudy to near clear. Then filtered one last time. Fillers had me paranoid. Surprisngly, even with no veins & rollin and shit, I registered on one hit. Head rush didn't last too long but man did I sleep good.
Don't think I'll try again, but it was ok.
I do know I'm losin my phone on the 23rd =( So I'm not sure when I'll talk to you guys after that =(
Anyway, thanks for the support guys & I hope you're all havin a good day!
 
^ much <3 to you baby! sounds really rough :(

glad you don't plan on shooting zolpidem again, sure i don't need to go into why not, but do look after yourself please! <3

so tired today.. trying to catch up here and eat dinner all at once ;)
 
effie said:
^ much <3 to you baby! sounds really rough :(

glad you don't plan on shooting zolpidem again, sure i don't need to go into why not, but do look after yourself please! <3

so tired today.. trying to catch up here and eat dinner all at once ;)
Click to expand...
Thanks effie ((hugs)).
Yeah, the zolpidem = stupid idea. Bangin pills is stupid period (mostly..). I just had to try it once.. Lol.

Sorry you're so tired. I was exhausted yesterday. Had a good sleep tho. Hope you did too!

In other news, I lost my voice again. Kids don't mind it heh. I've had whatever this is for almost a month now! I'm stuffed up from my chest to my head & my voice comes and goes.
I'm on my 2nd round of antibiotics. Steriods is next.. I hate takin steroids, they seem to make you eat..
Well, time to re-wake my teen lol.
Have a good day everyone!
 
((hugs))

Been up alllll night.. oh well. Very slightly stimmed, rather more benzod and doing well though, off to see a friend in a bit. Rubbish about your voice! Steroids definitely do boost appetite.. <3 get well soon lovely.

Where is everyone?
 
^ how long til you are done? Nearly weekend!!

Supremely lazy day once I'd got my shit done. Ahhhhmmmmmmmmm<3
 
I step out for a few days and y'all let the social fall to the second page of BDD?!

watched the football team i support become european champs for the first time today
then had a bit of spliff during the 13-14 mile bike ride back from the pub in the most gorgeous weather

hope everyone else is feeling good tonight
 
Thanks mgrady =)
Seems everytime I get a flu shot I get sick lol. Go figure! Only me & my teen got flu shots (9 yr old is allergic to egg whites so no shot for her) and we're the only two that feel like we're dyin heh. Ok, we're not 'dyin' but damn near feels it lol.
Enjoy the beach! Hell I'm a good 6+ hours from a real beach. Sucks bc I was use to goin to the Jersey shore on a whim when I lived in Philly & now I'm in hell Ohio. Blah.
 
Jesus guys, this was on page 2! I took rather too much etiz at weekend and have been in a semi-coma in bed (or, amazingly, at my mates') all weekend - sorry for absence! Hope all are well <3

You feeling better Baby? <3
 
I am now bright red
i never seem to get the subscreen thing right... and end up crispy and fried at the end of a proper beach day

aloe lotion and sleep

cheers all
 
Watched one of my best friends go schizophrenic while on a lot of potent mushrooms. So mentally drained I dont know how to feel. Drinking myself into a coma with mass amounts of medical marijuana, feeling so down guys. I was almost convinced to end my life
 
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