In another thread somebody asked if you found a way to get around withdrawal would you keep using for ever. This was my answer and I think its beautiful, so I brought it over to my thread to have it memorialized.
No..... I Desperately want to hang on till I make it to the otherside….. The "It does get better." I know this from experience but unfortunately for one reason or another I came back and every time I do I regret it. The benefits and pleasure I derive become less and less, while the consequences become greater and greater. I want to experience life. It sucks waking up after 20+ yrs opiate abuse and realizing how much time you've waisted. In an opiate haze the excitement and wonder of life dissolve, dreams and hope reduced to a fix, feelings fade to a dull intellectualized dribble until I can't remember what it was like to feel. No reason to get out of bed except to score. Why would I need to participate in life when all my dopamine is supplied by an opiated dream world.
Soon it ceases to even work any more no matter how many tolerance breaks I take..... hell the detox meds don't even really work anymore. After all the methadones, suboxones, kratoms and gabapentin pendulum swinging soon nothing works for its intended purpose anymore
Sorry it's hard to hypothesize because the stark reality is all to crisp...
I know it doesn't exactly answer your question because you said hypothetically but "NO". I want to live. I want the good with the bad. I want to experience all the joy, despair, hopes, dreams, fears and anticipations. I want to feel somebody else deep down at the core level of their soul. I want to know myself the way that only comes from having felt each and every emotion of each and every experience. I want to quiver with fear and anticipation, only to swell up with pride at having overcome. I want to love so much it hurts, only to lose that, so that I truly understand what is important. I want the mutually shared experience and empathy of having felt every pain and passion with another until our feelings and admiration for each other coalesce into puddle of deep embrace. Then I want to wake up and fight the next morning because our dreams and feelings conflict. Only to have my heart turned by having felt every vibration of discord and disconnection radiate through my body sending it tumbling back to the other emblazoned with passionate makeup sex. I want to feel the moment my father dies, so that I can embrace my sister and share the tears rolling down our cheeks.
I want to wake up excited.... I want to feel my child's disappointments so much that it blurs the lines between us. I want all of that, so that when I lie on my deathbed as I'm breathing in my last painful breath with all the memories of what came before swirling through my head I can say I felt, I knew, I truly loved, I was there..... I lived.
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