Awful depression..

[paranoid android]

I got major depression after i quit drinking. Combine that with the feeling out of it type brain fog, severe anxiety, panic attacks and impending sense of doom and it was not a fun time. Mania can be a part of it as well as with kicking all CNS depressants really but i have noticed alcohol seems to be a bad offender for causing this.

Remember that all the damage done by that neurotoxic poison cannot be undone with a few weeks or months of clean time. It takes a long time to feel "normal" again after quitting drinking. Exercise helps and so does taking Vitamins and eating right. Alcohol depletes your body of certain B vitamins and that is one way alcohol can cause neurological damage. If you really start wigging out go and see a doctor. Luckily i don't find benzos to be worth abusing and i have to say that they got me over the rough patches for sure. The danger is of course becoming addicted to benzos but personally this was not a problem for me. Many others aren't as lucky unfortunately. Something like a anti-depressant might help if you get bad enough but remember that most of those cause dependence as well. I found tricyclics (in my case amitriptyline and now trimipramine) to help with depression without causing any physical dependence. Plus they are sedating which can be a good thing when quitting drinking.

 

[Pilll_head]

I totally relate to the agony of depression. Some days I couldn't go to work I felt so depressed. I would lay in bed until 11:00 and then just sit on the couch until 9 at night in a catatonic state. I wouldn't even turn the TV on. I just sat there. People think depression is simply feeling sad. That is not really true. Genuinely depressed people basically feel nothing. Nothing but this strange sensation like your head is being cut in half by a chainsaw.

My advice is try to find your "passion" in life. I used to think that I had no interest in anything, I had no hobbies or pastimes. I have recently discovered that I enjoy writing and blogging. I now typically spend an hour or two a day researching the topics that I write about it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Depression still lurks but now I have tools to fight it. If a loser like me can do it anybody can.

Good luck to you, you do have reason to have hope.

 

[Allein]

I totally relate to the agony of depression. Some days I couldn't go to work I felt so depressed. I would lay in bed until 11:00 and then just sit on the couch until 9 at night in a catatonic state. I wouldn't even turn the TV on. I just sat there. People think depression is simply feeling sad. That is not really true. Genuinely depressed people basically feel nothing. Nothing but this strange sensation like your head is being cut in half by a chainsaw.

My advice is try to find your "passion" in life. I used to think that I had no interest in anything, I had no hobbies or pastimes. I have recently discovered that I enjoy writing and blogging. I now typically spend an hour or two a day researching the topics that I write about it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Depression still lurks but now I have tools to fight it. If a loser like me can do it anybody can.

Good luck to you, you do have reason to have hope.

Thank you for that Ph I found insightful and useful as well as succinct a rare combination %)

 

[Asclepius]

^ This.

I've finished my book,but I'm not sure if I should publish it.
Who would be interested in understanding psychosis or at least,reading about the experiences that I've had while being affected by that deranged state of mind?
There aren't many people that want to know how it's like to be crazy or abuse drugs daily,how would I help humanity by publishing my book?

I totally disagree - a friend of mine who had a psychotic break due to drug use published a semi-fictional book that recounted alot of her psychotic experiences. Never deny your right to express yourself and unleash your creativity... the traditional concepts of success are very limiting - it is about opening yourself up to your own truths and reaching to a few people who can understand, in the process - this in itself, is success imo. Not being able to be creative and express your experiences can cause more grievances and mental suffering to a lot of personalities that NEED this outlet to live a true life. Contemporary life, despite it's 'liberal' fascade is still VERY oppressive and stifling.

Hope you are doing okay Grigore?

 

[herbavore]

^ I love the words, "opening yourself up to your own truths". Self-publish and then let it go. The act of creating art is all that matters--once it leaves your hands, let it go and move on to the next expression you want to make.

 

[thedawn]

Society and it's norms and rules and definitions of "normal"
can b confusing.
don't buy into that.write a book about how u feel,how fucked in the head those ignorant people
were not helping the old man.

i cry too much as well for being a man.it sucks having to cry so much.

if you can,call someone in real life and get those alcohol DT's gone and forgotten.

you seem creative,that's a gift,don't waste it because you're unfortunately a little confused from too
many drugs,drink…..

OPENING YOURSELF UP TO YOUR OWN TRUTHS"by you.
thats a best seller right there lol

seriously though,you write good,better than most and don't kill yourself
because of drinks and drugs.hell,you're only 27.

in a year your life will be in another,special place and you will have grown as a person
because of this experience.
but it hurts like a motherfucker.now.patience is important here,hard to grasp for us addicts.

they are about to legalize weed in this country,don't u wanna see what happens there?
no guarantee in heaven.

anyways,good luck and if u can't leave u'r house,call someone IRL.
we go crazy by ourselves.
peace.

 

[WantToBeReborn]

I totally relate to the agony of depression. Some days I couldn't go to work I felt so depressed. I would lay in bed until 11:00 and then just sit on the couch until 9 at night in a catatonic state. I wouldn't even turn the TV on. I just sat there. People think depression is simply feeling sad. That is not really true. Genuinely depressed people basically feel nothing. Nothing but this strange sensation like your head is being cut in half by a chainsaw.

My advice is try to find your "passion" in life. I used to think that I had no interest in anything, I had no hobbies or pastimes. I have recently discovered that I enjoy writing and blogging. I now typically spend an hour or two a day researching the topics that I write about it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Depression still lurks but now I have tools to fight it. If a loser like me can do it anybody can.

Good luck to you, you do have reason to have hope.

That was a superbly well put sentiment.
Only those that have experienced that terrifying loss of ANY feelings, can truly understand it and it only becomes terrifying after starting to lift out of it.

 

[WantToBeReborn]

I'm a miserable person.

When I'm happy,I'm ignorant,egocentric,selfish,uninterested in the consequences of my immoral actions and their psychical and emotional impact on others.
When I'm sad,I cut and burn myself,I feel like the worst person in this world,all I want to do is to suffer while making others smile.

I really want to change,but,whenever I want to do good things,I feel sad and joyful in the same time and I start crying.
The problem is that whenever I cry,my brain resets itself and I become once again,emotionless,not interested in showing or receiving any form of empathy.
And this process repeats like an infinite loop.

The following story is the beginning or better said,the cause of my second unfortunate psychotic breakdown:

1 week ago,I carried an old man to the hospital,he was having a seizure on the side of the road and people were passing him like nothing happened,I couldn't believe how much ignorance I was seeing in front of my eyes.
1 day later I went to the hospital to check if he is alright.
In the moment I've entered the hospital room,I was greeted with a wide smile and a blissful feeling of gratitude from a person which I helped.
This was enough to make me cry and hug him with all of my love that I've never thought I have and will always have for any other person.

This sounds like a story with a happy end,but,as my brain reseted itself after I cried,all of my love and empathy were erased,leaving myself emotionless once again.
In order to negate and stop thinking about the event,the first thing that I've done when I've arrived home was to start drinking.
And this is what I did for 6 days,sleeping 12 hours,drinking every hour for 12 hours and so on.
Until,in the last 2 days,my alcohol reserve was running low and I had to drink smaller and smaller amounts to have enough for next week as well.

This is when I've started experiencing alcohol withdrawal.
As delirium tremens settled in,I had the idea of ingesting 5 A. muscaria shrooms,a great idea for having a psychotic breakdown as I had from datura abuse.

Long story short,I'm fine now,except,I'm extremely depressed and I can't stop contemplating suicide.
I'm considering killing myself and I'm dead serious about this.

Am I mentally ill?
Is there any hope left for me?

Thank you for reading my story,I felt the need to share my feelings along with the events that I've lived this week.

This is the insanity of active addiction.

Alcohol and withdrawal and more alcohol cycle is fucking your mind. In active addiction, we think alcohol/drugs is solving our issues, when in fact, it is causing them and making it worse.

You need to get sober and stay sober long enough to let your brain repair.

Definitely publish your book. This insight is valuable beyond measure.

 

[jaideep]

hi bro...i can understand as i myself was on an addictive drug for 6 years.and i am still on it but i am tapering it now.i know the withdrawals r very bad and sometimes untolerable...even i am having a very tough time...but just do 1 thing...get a bible and start reading it everyday...i am sure god vil get u thru from all this...just read bible and talk to jesus for sometime everyday and tell him what u want in life...god bless

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm a miserable person.

When I'm happy,I'm ignorant,egocentric,selfish,uninterested in the consequences of my immoral actions and their psychical and emotional impact on others.
When I'm sad,I cut and burn myself,I feel like the worst person in this world,all I want to do is to suffer while making others smile.

I really want to change,but,whenever I want to do good things,I feel sad and joyful in the same time and I start crying.
The problem is that whenever I cry,my brain resets itself and I become once again,emotionless,not interested in showing or receiving any form of empathy.
And this process repeats like an infinite loop.

The following story is the beginning or better said,the cause of my second unfortunate psychotic breakdown:

1 week ago,I carried an old man to the hospital,he was having a seizure on the side of the road and people were passing him like nothing happened,I couldn't believe how much ignorance I was seeing in front of my eyes.
1 day later I went to the hospital to check if he is alright.
In the moment I've entered the hospital room,I was greeted with a wide smile and a blissful feeling of gratitude from a person which I helped.
This was enough to make me cry and hug him with all of my love that I've never thought I have and will always have for any other person.

This sounds like a story with a happy end,but,as my brain reseted itself after I cried,all of my love and empathy were erased,leaving myself emotionless once again.
In order to negate and stop thinking about the event,the first thing that I've done when I've arrived home was to start drinking.
And this is what I did for 6 days,sleeping 12 hours,drinking every hour for 12 hours and so on.
Until,in the last 2 days,my alcohol reserve was running low and I had to drink smaller and smaller amounts to have enough for next week as well.

This is when I've started experiencing alcohol withdrawal.
As delirium tremens settled in,I had the idea of ingesting 5 A. muscaria shrooms,a great idea for having a psychotic breakdown as I had from datura abuse.

Long story short,I'm fine now,except,I'm extremely depressed and I can't stop contemplating suicide.
I'm considering killing myself and I'm dead serious about this.

Am I mentally ill?
Is there any hope left for me?

Thank you for reading my story,I felt the need to share my feelings along with the events that I've lived this week.

Don't do what my mum has done. She is 55, has had depression her whole life - doesn't want to hear about getting help for it, in complete denial over it. As a result my whole family has suffered immensely because of it and I never had a proper son / mum relationship as she is over sensitive and gets depressed easily on even small things such as the way someone is thinking or agrees to one thing.

Any how I on the other end also inherited mental problems which has been lingering with me since a kid. I did however get help for it and I did do something about it. I am currently on anti depressants and although I hate medication it's been a life saver as otherwise I'd probably be dead due to having previous issues with suicide. Life is ok now besides the odd anxiety attacks and the dumb cycles which come with Bi-Polar 2 but overall it's fine and I even managed to finish my Masters and get work, something I didn't think possible.

What I am trying to communicate is, get help before its too late and you suffer more and those around you also become affected.