Aveo has a story to share...

[aveoturbo]

Social life is how I want it to be. Quiet. I keep myself cut off because I am by nature a loner. I have friends of course, but they are very select and the ones I have I am very close to and each one is very special to me and that feels more fulfilling than when I had a lot more friends and a lot more "insanity."

The age at when I started was when I was unwilling.

.....Aveo opening up about his past.....

My mom took 'us' doctor shopping when I was young and told doctors I had ADD. I even believed that for a while! They began putting pills down my mouth, the big one being Ritalin. Then, the doctors would get smart after having me in counseling sessions and tell her I was ok and then we would go to a new doctor.

One doctor was too smart tho. She got me in trouble at home.

My mom took me to this psyche lady and during the initial appt, the doctor had been talking to both my mom and I, and suddenly, about half way through, the doctor told me to go sit down and play with the toys while she talked to my mom. So I did. Then we left.

In the car my mom suddenly turned and yelled at me about how it was my fault she was in the predicament she was in and all this non-sense. Apparently, the doctor had told her that she had the problems, and that she was the one who needed treatment. Strangely though, she went back to her doctor for a while. It didnt help.

.......Aveo closes himself again.........

I can appreciate what you said DSSam. Just dont go down the path I have. You have to deal with all of it at some point and now that I am 25, I wish I could go back and deal with what I had to, instead of self-medicating and then getting in trouble with RX meds I may/may not need. I know I can benefit from a tight regiment of some meds, but the way my RX regiment blew up was not productive and in fact, counter-productive.

Keep me posted man!

 

[aveoturbo]

A while back I asked my mom why she was so physically/verbally abusive to me when I was younger. Her response: "I was the best mother I knew how to be." I cant believe I listened to that half-assed rationale/excuse. I cant believe I bought that. I draped my own cloth over my eyes for a long time.

What else will I see?

 

[herbavore]

^aveo, hope you won't interpret this as me excusing your mother for her abuse, or even as an attempt to talk you out of your very understandable anger, but here goes: I think that your mother was stating the truth. If she went on to justify her behavior in other ways, that is something different. The truth is, anyone can become a parent whether they are emotionally or psychologically ready or not. When you have thoroughly experienced and explored the anger that you must have repressed from her treatment of you, it will be this statement from her that you will probably come back to in order to move on. In the end, we all need to make peace with our families. This can take many forms, from total rejection (I will no longer allow you to hurt me because i am physically and psychically removing myself) to a détente of sorts (I will no longer allow you to hurt me because I see you for who you are with all your faults as well as your attributes). There is no single prescription and each of us must decide for ourselves but the act of forgiveness is for the forgiver more than the person being forgiven. It is in effect the final letting go of that person's hold on our psyche. I wish you the best in this continuing journey. Unearthing pain is never easy, but always worth doing. You are on the right path.