Eligiu
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2017
- Messages
- 1,428
I got diagnosed as being autistic mid this year. I'd known for ages and even suspected it as a teenager but because I had a cousin with more 'classic signs' I told myself I was trying to be special or something. I didn't realise I was masking my whole life until I let the mask fall.
I suddenly feel like now people don't like me anymore. I'm struggling to communicate with my neurotypical friends so much more than I ever used to, and it's becoming ridiculous. I lost 3 friends in a week over things that others have told me were definitely their fault (like one of them pressuring me to sell him my prescription stimulants over and over again until I told him I didn't like it and he exploded at me and said all kinds of horrible things).
I can't talk in groups of people anymore. I talk 1-1 and that's it. If it's a new person I can barely get words out. In groups I prefer to sit with noise cancelling headphones on just listening. I prefer engaging in parallel play with friends (they come over and work on a puzzle) vs us going out for coffee. But that doesn't seem to suit them anymore - to be blunt, it sort of seems like my successful lawyer friends (I finished my law degree then burnt out to the point of a suicide attempt) are too busy to hang out with their retarded friend now. I do try, but I can't cope with the social situations they want. I flake all the time.
One of the things that's really bugging me atm is reciprocal conversation. I try my best (and have fortnightly speech therapy and will be getting occupational therapy as well for co-morbid bipolar and cPTSD and ADHD, especially mood regulation etc) and in speech therapy we focus a lot on me picking up inferences, cues, taking turn in conversation, talking about appropriate topics, learning to better identify and describe my emotions so I'm not misunderstood... But my neurotypical friends don't put any effort into listening to me when I tell them how they could help by changing one or two things about how they talk to me, like not dropping subtle cues - just telling me something outright, or telling me exactly what I've done wrong so that I can rectify it immediately instead of making the same mistake a bunch of times before they eventually explode at me.
Don't get me wrong some of my NT friends are great communicators and I've made a promise after the recent 'friend' fiasco (in my post history) that I'm going to be picking people better, mainly other autistics or NT people with strong communication skills, but sometimes it's like... I spend all this time and money trying to teach myself how to talk better with you but you won't even read an article about how to accommodate your autistic friend? Idk just seems unbalanced.
Anymore autistics in here?
I suddenly feel like now people don't like me anymore. I'm struggling to communicate with my neurotypical friends so much more than I ever used to, and it's becoming ridiculous. I lost 3 friends in a week over things that others have told me were definitely their fault (like one of them pressuring me to sell him my prescription stimulants over and over again until I told him I didn't like it and he exploded at me and said all kinds of horrible things).
I can't talk in groups of people anymore. I talk 1-1 and that's it. If it's a new person I can barely get words out. In groups I prefer to sit with noise cancelling headphones on just listening. I prefer engaging in parallel play with friends (they come over and work on a puzzle) vs us going out for coffee. But that doesn't seem to suit them anymore - to be blunt, it sort of seems like my successful lawyer friends (I finished my law degree then burnt out to the point of a suicide attempt) are too busy to hang out with their retarded friend now. I do try, but I can't cope with the social situations they want. I flake all the time.
One of the things that's really bugging me atm is reciprocal conversation. I try my best (and have fortnightly speech therapy and will be getting occupational therapy as well for co-morbid bipolar and cPTSD and ADHD, especially mood regulation etc) and in speech therapy we focus a lot on me picking up inferences, cues, taking turn in conversation, talking about appropriate topics, learning to better identify and describe my emotions so I'm not misunderstood... But my neurotypical friends don't put any effort into listening to me when I tell them how they could help by changing one or two things about how they talk to me, like not dropping subtle cues - just telling me something outright, or telling me exactly what I've done wrong so that I can rectify it immediately instead of making the same mistake a bunch of times before they eventually explode at me.
Don't get me wrong some of my NT friends are great communicators and I've made a promise after the recent 'friend' fiasco (in my post history) that I'm going to be picking people better, mainly other autistics or NT people with strong communication skills, but sometimes it's like... I spend all this time and money trying to teach myself how to talk better with you but you won't even read an article about how to accommodate your autistic friend? Idk just seems unbalanced.
Anymore autistics in here?