August getting/staying sober v. you can do it!

[ad lib]

Such strong cravings today

 

[podsnomo]

toast and ad lib, know how you feel.

I caved to cravings yesterday. Just kratom, but that little leaf has effed my world good. So, recently I've had 7 days, then 5 days, and now one day clean again.
Early sobriety does suck. So it's just an insanity thing that keeps me stuck here I guess.

I'm a racist. A human racist. I'm for ya guys and gals, no matter who you are or where you come from. And anybody that's not for you, I'm not for them.

Peace and love to all,
pnm

 

[Just A Guy]

Camping in a tent with my daughter tonight! Maybe the sky will be clear enough to catch some of these meteors...

 

[xburtonchic]

Ahhh you guys would have been so proud of me yesterday. I accidentally ended up in a situation where people were smoking heroin in front of me and I didn't even care!! I was actually like, "fuck that if I get high I'm just gonna be nodding out and won't be able to go out tonight anymore."

My bro was spinning last night and the venue sent a party bus to our house to pick everyone up, we went like 30 deep. It was a really fucking amazing night, good music and really good vibes... plus my bro killed it as usual!!

But seriously though if I had know life was this awesome without heroin I would have done this a long time ago haha

I hope everyone is doing good and staying strong cuz it's worth it

 

[podsnomo]

I keep slipping. Day before yesterday and again today. Kratom. Just kratom, yeah whatev. But it's led me back to hell before.

I know what I gotta do in recovery. I just keep failing everytime I say I'm going to put the action behind it.

God, help me.

 

[thedawn]

re xburtonchic.
wow......
how many days you got now?
this sounds great!

 

[xburtonchic]

It would be a month and three days... but I had that little three day slip up... so since August 5 I think? So yeah, 8 days technically. :D

Idk dude. I'm just over it lol... I was hoping this would happen, cuz I was the same way when I quit meth... I just stopped caring.

Honestly though I think a lot of it has to do with having been around a large group of non-addict friends lately. And music lol. And just the fact that life is starting to go so well, the thought of fucking it up is just a huge turn off to it for me.

 

[ad lib]

Ahhh you guys would have been so proud of me yesterday. I accidentally ended up in a situation where people were smoking heroin in front of me and I didn't even care!! I was actually like, "fuck that if I get high I'm just gonna be nodding out and won't be able to go out tonight anymore."

My bro was spinning last night and the venue sent a party bus to our house to pick everyone up, we went like 30 deep. It was a really fucking amazing night, good music and really good vibes... plus my bro killed it as usual!!

But seriously though if I had know life was this awesome without heroin I would have done this a long time ago haha

I hope everyone is doing good and staying strong cuz it's worth it

Congrats sweetie! Keep your chin up

 

[caseface99]

Congrats to all the newcomers who posted! Keep up the good work! I'm feeling rather shitty today, sort of out of it mentally and don't feel like quoting/mentioning you all individually - But you know who you are! Congrats and keep up the good work!

Just finished running the Tuesday night meeting I secretary. I hardly got through the damn thing.. I'm seriously out of it today. Woke up this morning with the friend girl and went for coffee and a walk in the Berkeley Rose Garden, went to an art store and bought myself a sketch pad. Started feeling like crap so just went back home and relaxed, ended up falling back asleep till like 530... Still feel terrible. I'm starving but no food at the house and don't feel like going anywhere nor do I want to spend enough to get delivery. Nice morning, but over all crappy day - feel so shitty and out of it. Going to stay home tonight.. Don't want to get into any trouble. Just gotta figure out the food situation.

 

[Nicsdragon]

Thanks Guy,

Nicsdragon - what is the prescription for? If you don't mind me asking. Also, if it's a narcotic which I'm assuming it is, I just posted this recently in a different thread so I'll post it here - You can't control your using and enjoy it, nor can you enjoy it and control it. Which means if you're controlling the use of a narcotic you will be miserable and if your enjoying the use it will be out of control, and inevitably you will also be miserable. This is why abstinence is ultimately the only way.

Hope everyone is staying clean(ish) and doing well! I hope you've all had a better week than me by the way.. Losing friends is terrible. But shit happends - I'll get through it and the best part is I don't have to use over it.

Edit:


I GOT 90 DAYS TODAY!!

Hey case - yea my scripts are for 180 30 mg roxicodone and 112 80 mg OxyContin. I have back and neck issues which have led to back injections and the like. No surgeries but pain meds. It's vicious. I saw myself become an addict and let it happen and a huge depression followed shortly after. So I also take Zoloft.

I want to write more but have to leave for work so Just for today will not IV ANYTHING!

Thanks all and Great job to all you celebrating!!

 

[lman_15]

Life's great, coming up on 7 months clean on the 18th of August and my life has never been better. Working the 12-steps, helping out new guys to recovery, looking for sponsees, speaking at meetings & taking guys out to the beach every Sunday from my old treatment centre. Currently looking for a job back home (Toronto) I'm down in Florida now so I'm just putting in the foot work for a smooth transition back (i.e. resume, cover letter, job, half way house, sponsor, etc.). Got my relationship back with my family members and just incredibly grateful for everything I have. Don't get me wrong my life isn't always Flowers and Blowjobs you know, I'm in debt, my family members are going through some of their own shit and an old friend of my just ODed and died but I'm equipped today with the tools necessary to handle these situations. The mental calmness I have, lack of stress and anxiety that is present in nearly every situation I find myself helps me a lot. Overall just incredibly grateful and hopeful that things will continue to play out the way they should.

 

[caseface99]

Hey case - yea my scripts are for 180 30 mg roxicodone and 112 80 mg OxyContin. I have back and neck issues which have led to back injections and the like. No surgeries but pain meds. It's vicious. I saw myself become an addict and let it happen and a huge depression followed shortly after. So I also take Zoloft.

I want to write more but have to leave for work so Just for today will not IV ANYTHING!

Thanks all and Great job to all you celebrating!!

I'm no doctor - But I always CRINGE when I see people who have been prescribed a drug like zoloft after situational depression...

Like I said, not a doctor - But I seriously doubt you need such a heavy script. As far as the oxy, have you looked into the alternatives? Surgery? Physical therapy? Aqua therapy? Acupuncture? Etc. There's tons of options to help you deal with pain narcotic free. Just a thought.

 

[justanotheraddict]

Got clean July 15th from a 3 year addiction to injecting opiates.. mainly bupe. I'm rediscovering who I am, its not easy. Sobriety is so boring! I'm staying on the wagon though. I really need to quit having a few drinks at night.. but the insomnia is killing me.. hang in there guys and gals. We did this to ourselves and now we suffer the consequences.

 

[GenericName12]

I went back to my parents house for 2 days as I haven't been back to their house in a long time. They don't know I'm an alcoholic and that I haven't had a single drink in almost 2 months. My family drinks quite a bit. The room where I am sleeping is connected to a room with a substantial amount of alcohol that I was encouraged to drink from.

I expected to feel a lot worse than I did as I mentally prepared myself for this event the past few days. Needless to say, I am not having a very good night so far and the cravings are quite bad. Just trying to distract myself until I somehow fall asleep. I'm feeling pretty nauseated as well. No idea if that's related.

I don't think telling them is the best solution. My parents are very.. traditional? Not sure of the word. We've never really gotten along, ever. I'd much rather keep them in the dark and find my support networks elsewhere. I know they wouldn't understand.

No matter what, I will survive these two nights.

 

[Just A Guy]

I went back to my parents house for 2 days as I haven't been back to their house in a long time. They don't know I'm an alcoholic and that I haven't had a single drink in almost 2 months. My family drinks quite a bit. The room where I am sleeping is connected to a room with a substantial amount of alcohol that I was encouraged to drink from.

I expected to feel a lot worse than I did as I mentally prepared myself for this event the past few days. Needless to say, I am not having a very good night so far and the cravings are quite bad. Just trying to distract myself until I somehow fall asleep. I'm feeling pretty nauseated as well. No idea if that's related.

I don't think telling them is the best solution. My parents are very.. traditional? Not sure of the word. We've never really gotten along, ever. I'd much rather keep them in the dark and find my support networks elsewhere. I know they wouldn't understand.

No matter what, I will survive these two nights.

Don't have any advice, but I wish you strength and resolve.

 

[manboychef]

Everyone hold strong....I'm sending you all my experience, strength, and hope. To all those in early recovery: I cannot stress enough going to meetings and getting a sponsor and sober friends. If you stay around your drugs you may have a serious chance of slipping.

I a having a hard month. Child support is eating up most of my money. I quit smoking because of it and I'm climbing the walls...ten days no cigarettes . I am seeking a second full time job, and hopefully I will have enough money to cover my bills. I can live on nothing....meetings are free, and as long as I don't use ,nothing is insurmountable.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey all.. was up really late last night.. and up really early.. tired as a dead dog and the argument in my head is screaming for a stimulant.. so I'm going to skip CS and go home after work.. .. hang in there everyone and here's to another relatively peaceful day in recovery.

 

[xburtonchic]

Last night was a really hard night... came so close to saying "fuck everything", but I'm glad now that I didn't. I was at my brother's event, and I was already tired plus my throat hurt. And then ONE thing happened to bum me out, and next thing I knew I was tripping on absolutely everything and I felt completely overwhelmed by sobriety and my situation in general (even though nothing is really wrong). I had to go sit in my brother's car by myself for a while to collect my thoughts, I was just in there dissociating though which sucked... forgot I have a problem with doing that when I get upset. And then I slowly realized it was all in my head and everything was okay.

I was grateful too cuz there was another ex-heroin addict there. I was seriously tripping out on what had just happened and how sheerly overwhelmed I was, but he was just like, "Dude, you don't have that long off the stuff... you're hyper sensitive to things right now, that's gonna happen probably a lot over the next few months." Which made me feel better, cuz apparently it was normal lol.

I didn't pick up though, and I'm not going to. that's the important part

 

[neversickanymore]

Nice work Burton.. sounds like you got swallowed pretty good in one of those emotional maelstrom that are common in early recovery. Remember to stay in today.. if we slip into yesterday we get hit with shame and guilt etc.. if we get into tomorrow then we can get hit with fear, anxiety, hopelessness, self doubt.. I believe that emotions are a way the brain logs problems and solutions.. the problem with drug abuse is that we circumvent the system with a drug.. so we now have unsolved problems logged in as solved. So these unsolved problems will continue to plague us until we find a way to deal with them. Many of the steps from the fellowships address the process of going back in and dealing with this phenomenon. I hope you continue to listen and follow your heart and try and keep yourself in today, and im going to remind myself to do the same as I have hit a place in life that will be a little bit more challenging.. but im up to it and its time for bigger and better things.. I hope you are all doing good today

................Yesterday..............................................:DToday:D..................................................Tomorrow!...............

 

[stardust.hero]

Happy ! I went to my appointment with a psychotherapist (next week with the psychologist to get a full diagnosis) but it went well and I feel like things are starting to clear out.