and there goes twenty four more hours
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
August getting/staying sober v. you can do it!
- Thread starter ad lib
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and there goes twenty four more hours
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
Woodsong
Bluelighter
About six 1/2 months off the bupe now.
Came completely off the loperamide 2 days ago (weaned down to 1mg/day).
Nothing at all resembling opiates left in my body now...
Been a week without nicotine (again)...
Cutting back on the caffeine as well.
Aside from several raging joneses ... feels good man.
Came completely off the loperamide 2 days ago (weaned down to 1mg/day).
Nothing at all resembling opiates left in my body now...
Been a week without nicotine (again)...
Cutting back on the caffeine as well.
Aside from several raging joneses ... feels good man.
Shit woodsong
.. good to see you
congrats on the lope.. good to see you are doing well
and down goes another 24
.. good to see you congrats on the lope.. good to see you are doing well
and down goes another 24
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aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
This is my biggest problem at the moment!
Sometimes I feel like this resembles me oh so well, in all of my struggles. Glad it's August...just a couple more months before autumn...a wonderful time of year.
Sometimes I feel like this resembles me oh so well, in all of my struggles. Glad it's August...just a couple more months before autumn...a wonderful time of year.
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
Sometimes I feel like this resembles me oh so well, in all of my struggles. Glad it's August...just a couple more months before autumn...a wonderful time of year.
Hey, I missed seeing you around
I feel the same way as that picture. You can do it
xburtonchic
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2011
- Messages
- 1,004
Yeah I've been having a hard time lately. Its like now that i actually know what i want out of life, theres all these obstacles in my way. Mainly money (which i dont have and my credit is shit) and the fact that my laptop stopped working, and its kind of crucial to have a laptop in this industry. Everything seems so hopeless and daunting right now and I almost relapsed last night cuz of it... I'm going to keep going only cuz it's worth it and I know I can do it if I just work my ass off, it's just... ugh. So many mistakes I made while I was being a junkie are holding me back right now... and now that I'm off the gear all of a sudden there's so many things to think about. It's not just about getting high anymore. It's like overwhelming to my system and my thoughts are constantly racing and I constantly need some sort of stimulation to feel somewhat normal. It's been a month wtf. I just can't right now you guys lol... fuck.
Just A Guy
Bluelight Crew
I know how you feel. I'm in the same boat, x. What do you do? It's what you don't do. Don't succumb. I know I'll never quit if I dose "when I feel like I need it, but only then."
This month has been good, and I am also feeling the regret at fucking up this year. I am soooooo tired of sitting around and being lazy, I am supposed to get a job tomorrow but part of me "isn't ready". Lol. Its ridiculous.
But, when the drug dealers call or friends invite I feel the sway to pursue doc's is very minimal.....in my mind it is like this, "Ehhhhh. Its only good while you're high then you'll feel like shit and curse the fact you used, besides what are you really missing out on? Not much." so I feel like my mind is getting stronger, slowly.
However the apathy, and moodiness is definitely kicking my ass right now. I don't see the point in doing shit since I'm not going to be high (even though I don't want to get high, lol) so, I can't enjoy certain things ,but I know that is a load of crap and some things are just as fun with or without drugs!! hahaha I feel like this will pass in time......it is ridiculous and contradictory but then again life itself is such things.
--- ohh and besides that the "drug friends" are appearing more and more unstable and lame to me as I continue my path of sobriety.....never thought that would happen but who knew, right? I want more new friends that don't have anything to do with dope!!!
But, when the drug dealers call or friends invite I feel the sway to pursue doc's is very minimal.....in my mind it is like this, "Ehhhhh. Its only good while you're high then you'll feel like shit and curse the fact you used, besides what are you really missing out on? Not much." so I feel like my mind is getting stronger, slowly.
However the apathy, and moodiness is definitely kicking my ass right now. I don't see the point in doing shit since I'm not going to be high (even though I don't want to get high, lol) so, I can't enjoy certain things ,but I know that is a load of crap and some things are just as fun with or without drugs!! hahaha I feel like this will pass in time......it is ridiculous and contradictory but then again life itself is such things.
--- ohh and besides that the "drug friends" are appearing more and more unstable and lame to me as I continue my path of sobriety.....never thought that would happen but who knew, right? I want more new friends that don't have anything to do with dope!!!
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xburtonchic
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2011
- Messages
- 1,004
Ozekat - yeah, having friends who don't use is one of the most important things I think. My best friend has been using a lot lately... not a full blown relapse but 3x before the end of the week is heading there fast... and I've had to kinda distance myself and it sucks. I find that it's too easy to slip into her mindset when I'm around her and I don't need to constantly be fighting cravings... I've come way too close a few times. You do what you have to do to make sure you don't turn into a junkie again, no matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter what.
And that's life. Because reality is anything but comfortable sometimes.
And lol at old friends appearing lame an unstable... I know EXACTLY what you mean lol!! Who would have ever thought indeed...
And that's life. Because reality is anything but comfortable sometimes.
And lol at old friends appearing lame an unstable... I know EXACTLY what you mean lol!! Who would have ever thought indeed...
itsALLfake
Bluelighter
^*FALSE reality that is presently very real, real reality..but still falsified
It's like now that I'm sober, all my hippy-ized/psychedelic "influenced" thoughts are plaguing me. Money, social standings, and all that other BS, I'm having trouble telling my brain, "well, this is the world I live in, so I need to accept the fact that I'm going to spend most of my life chasing a dream around that is influenced by a paper deity."
Smile
It's like now that I'm sober, all my hippy-ized/psychedelic "influenced" thoughts are plaguing me. Money, social standings, and all that other BS, I'm having trouble telling my brain, "well, this is the world I live in, so I need to accept the fact that I'm going to spend most of my life chasing a dream around that is influenced by a paper deity."
Smile
iliketoast
Bluelighter
Well, today will be The Seventh Day...
Looks so OMINOUS.
I'm feeling lonely, jaded, and unmotivated. But I am committed to staying clean, at least one more week. Thinking any further ahead gives me a weird panic.
My house isn't clean, but right now I think a nap might help me more.
Looks so OMINOUS.
I'm feeling lonely, jaded, and unmotivated. But I am committed to staying clean, at least one more week. Thinking any further ahead gives me a weird panic.
My house isn't clean, but right now I think a nap might help me more.
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
Hey guys! I'm doing well - Was at another AA camp out all weekend that's why I haven't been on here. Had a ton of fun!
Just got home from spending the day at a funeral however. The friend I had from rehab who I posted about last week. Turns out the initial coroner report was wrong - He did relapse and overdose. I'm really disappointed. - not that he relapsed but that he couldn't call someone. I mean I get it, but I wish he had been able to make that call.
The ceremony was beautiful. He was a firefighter so they did the whole presentation with bagpipes and whatnot. Was really intense. Had a "Gary Style" celebration of life party afterwards. Ended up being a DRY party, I'm guessing in honor of what he was trying to do. I was surprised, was expecting a firefighters funeral/party to be flooded with booze. Anyway, I'm doing alright. Just wanted to check in.
How's everyone else doing?
Just got home from spending the day at a funeral however. The friend I had from rehab who I posted about last week. Turns out the initial coroner report was wrong - He did relapse and overdose. I'm really disappointed. - not that he relapsed but that he couldn't call someone. I mean I get it, but I wish he had been able to make that call.
The ceremony was beautiful. He was a firefighter so they did the whole presentation with bagpipes and whatnot. Was really intense. Had a "Gary Style" celebration of life party afterwards. Ended up being a DRY party, I'm guessing in honor of what he was trying to do. I was surprised, was expecting a firefighters funeral/party to be flooded with booze. Anyway, I'm doing alright. Just wanted to check in.
How's everyone else doing?
“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”
― Edgar Allan Poe
one day at a time iliketoast.. one day at a time
Im doing well.. been a little lazy and sleeping a bunch.. but it think i needed it. Going to see if i can get on things a little more tomorrow. Hope everybody's doing good today.
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TooOldForThis
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2013
- Messages
- 109
Day 2 off of Percocet. Been using on and off for 5 years. I have a bunch of comfort meds like clonidine. My biggest problem is the lethargy and depression. I have some fun things coming up in the next few weeks, and I am afraid I won't have fun without my pills. When ever I use for an extended period of time, I think I can't laugh or be happy sober.
manboychef
Bluelighter
Just fight through it too old. You will again have fun but they will be real feelings.
xburtonchic
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2011
- Messages
- 1,004
Got a month and some change... I stopped keeping track lol.
I am surprised though at how some of the withdrawal symptoms keep hanging on. Like being all achy and lethargic in general, it sucks, but hopefully continuing to exercise/eat right/sleep right will speed up the process. It's far from unbearable, but living every second of the day in even slight discomfort gets annoying FAST.
Other than that, I've been producing a lot, which keeps me focused. Without music, I would have relapsed by now for sure. I seriously can't even stress the importance of reminding yourself of the things you're passionate about - the things that give you energy, motivation, and drive all by themselves - and throwing yourself into them. It gives you something to think about in early sobriety other than your DOC, plenty of opportunities to make new REAL friends with similar interests, and the amount of self-confidence/self-love that comes from doing exactly what you want is probably something you'll be surprised that you can still feel so strongly. The benefits are endless. My life in general is calmer and more balanced since I forced myself to start producing again... all it takes is that initial push. If you're having a hard time, think about what you loved before your DOC came along... then go out and do it. It probably doesn't sound fun to you anymore, but all it takes is that initial push. Once you're doing it again you'll wonder why you ever stopped.
Just try not to resent yourself for wasting so much time. It doesn't really matter, time is only a matter of perception anyway... never too late for anything... unfortunately I have to remind myself of this constantly lol I catch myself thinking "If I hadn't done x, I'd be here at x by now." And really that's just too damn bad... because I DID do x, and so I'm not at x in my life yet. Just something you have to deal with and not beat yourself up over, without self-forgiveness you're just going to be miserable in every area of your life.
So stay strong, too old. It does get easier. I hated hearing that when I was still in the middle of acute withdrawals, I wish I could fast forward and show you, but I guess that's what's so special about it. You end up finding out that it was worth every second and in that, you appreciate it so much more.
Oh yeah. And it's good to remind yourself of how awesome you are every once in a while. Like I just said in another thread, addicts have a lot of traits ingrained in them that can seriously work to your advantage - drive and intensity, ability to thrive in adversity, resilience, and I've noticed that most are really creative/intelligent too. And seriously? We know exactly what hell is like. And yet here we are. So if you're reading this, it's because you're a survivor... something in you hasn't given up yet... you're still here for a reason. Embrace that fact and realize you can do anything if you really put your mind to it, and that includes getting off your DOC. Seriously, I am living proof that you can have a hardcore IV heroin habit, quit practically cold turkey, and still be happy. The reason you hear about relapses more often than you hear that kind of thing is because when people relapse, they always come back and talk about it within the drug community... so obviously if you're still using, you're going to see those people more... while the people who have done it are out there living life to the fullest... not talking about it all day long... living it. So if everything seems hopeless because you see people relapsing all the time and going back to full blown heroin/whatever your DOC is addiction, it's just a perception you have. It's not reality. Nothing is hopeless until you're dead, not cuz death is necessarily a bad thing (if you're a spiritual person anyway), but because it means the life you have now is over, no more chances to change things... just saying lol
I am surprised though at how some of the withdrawal symptoms keep hanging on. Like being all achy and lethargic in general, it sucks, but hopefully continuing to exercise/eat right/sleep right will speed up the process. It's far from unbearable, but living every second of the day in even slight discomfort gets annoying FAST.
Other than that, I've been producing a lot, which keeps me focused. Without music, I would have relapsed by now for sure. I seriously can't even stress the importance of reminding yourself of the things you're passionate about - the things that give you energy, motivation, and drive all by themselves - and throwing yourself into them. It gives you something to think about in early sobriety other than your DOC, plenty of opportunities to make new REAL friends with similar interests, and the amount of self-confidence/self-love that comes from doing exactly what you want is probably something you'll be surprised that you can still feel so strongly. The benefits are endless. My life in general is calmer and more balanced since I forced myself to start producing again... all it takes is that initial push. If you're having a hard time, think about what you loved before your DOC came along... then go out and do it. It probably doesn't sound fun to you anymore, but all it takes is that initial push. Once you're doing it again you'll wonder why you ever stopped.
Just try not to resent yourself for wasting so much time. It doesn't really matter, time is only a matter of perception anyway... never too late for anything... unfortunately I have to remind myself of this constantly lol I catch myself thinking "If I hadn't done x, I'd be here at x by now." And really that's just too damn bad... because I DID do x, and so I'm not at x in my life yet. Just something you have to deal with and not beat yourself up over, without self-forgiveness you're just going to be miserable in every area of your life.
So stay strong, too old. It does get easier. I hated hearing that when I was still in the middle of acute withdrawals, I wish I could fast forward and show you, but I guess that's what's so special about it. You end up finding out that it was worth every second and in that, you appreciate it so much more.
Oh yeah. And it's good to remind yourself of how awesome you are every once in a while. Like I just said in another thread, addicts have a lot of traits ingrained in them that can seriously work to your advantage - drive and intensity, ability to thrive in adversity, resilience, and I've noticed that most are really creative/intelligent too. And seriously? We know exactly what hell is like. And yet here we are. So if you're reading this, it's because you're a survivor... something in you hasn't given up yet... you're still here for a reason. Embrace that fact and realize you can do anything if you really put your mind to it, and that includes getting off your DOC. Seriously, I am living proof that you can have a hardcore IV heroin habit, quit practically cold turkey, and still be happy. The reason you hear about relapses more often than you hear that kind of thing is because when people relapse, they always come back and talk about it within the drug community... so obviously if you're still using, you're going to see those people more... while the people who have done it are out there living life to the fullest... not talking about it all day long... living it. So if everything seems hopeless because you see people relapsing all the time and going back to full blown heroin/whatever your DOC is addiction, it's just a perception you have. It's not reality. Nothing is hopeless until you're dead, not cuz death is necessarily a bad thing (if you're a spiritual person anyway), but because it means the life you have now is over, no more chances to change things... just saying lol
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caseface99
Bluelight Crew
Sorry I haven't been posting like my usual self. Been having a rough few days emotionally.
I really didn't let myself feel anything concerning my friends death until the funeral a couple days ago. As I mentioned, the initial coroner report was wrong - I mean he did actually have a bad heart, but it wasn't that. He did in fact relapse. I'm really dissapointed, not because he relapsed but because he couldn't call anyone. We were such strong support for each other those first few weeks in rehab. I understand though, once you decide to use you don't want anyone talking you out of it. I just wish he had remembered all those long talks I had with him about how there's no such thing as one more time unless the last time you die. And that's what happened.
Hopefully I'll be back to my usual self tomorrow - I'm being selfish and just don't have the energy to read and comment on other peoples posts right now. Keep it up though, to everyone whose been doing well.
I really didn't let myself feel anything concerning my friends death until the funeral a couple days ago. As I mentioned, the initial coroner report was wrong - I mean he did actually have a bad heart, but it wasn't that. He did in fact relapse. I'm really dissapointed, not because he relapsed but because he couldn't call anyone. We were such strong support for each other those first few weeks in rehab. I understand though, once you decide to use you don't want anyone talking you out of it. I just wish he had remembered all those long talks I had with him about how there's no such thing as one more time unless the last time you die. And that's what happened.
Hopefully I'll be back to my usual self tomorrow - I'm being selfish and just don't have the energy to read and comment on other peoples posts right now. Keep it up though, to everyone whose been doing well.
Just A Guy
Bluelight Crew
I've been doing well, but not because I'm strong. I caved in and tried to order some of my DOC, but to my benefit, complications stopped my order. It's easy to laugh about it now, but I was seriously about to go in for another month of use. Now I'm even out of MJ and that's just as well, too.
Xburtonchic, I liked your post a lot!
Caseface, what was it you said to us a while back? HALT? Hopefully you aren't feeling alone right now. Sending positive energy (for all that it's worth) your way.
Cooking a bad ass soup for myself and my girlfriend tonight.
Xburtonchic, I liked your post a lot!
Caseface, what was it you said to us a while back? HALT? Hopefully you aren't feeling alone right now. Sending positive energy (for all that it's worth) your way.
Cooking a bad ass soup for myself and my girlfriend tonight.
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
^^ Yeah, it was HALT. I got it pretty bad right now.
I'm Hungry, broke and can't go buy groceries.
I'm Angry, at myself and others for stupid shit that's happened the last few days.
I'm Lonely, The kind of loneliness that can happen in a room of 1000 people.
I'm Tired, tired of a lot of things. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fuckin' stressed.
I'm just going to stay home and rest today, probably still hit a meeting tonight but other than that I aint doing shit. Supposed to have my weekly aftercare group from rehab tonight, probably just going to call out sick. At least I'll still probably hit the AA meeting. But I don't know. Not the best time to be out of the house much. I'm pretty miserable right now. I don't know if it's PAWS or what. But fuck it sucks.
I'm Hungry, broke and can't go buy groceries.
I'm Angry, at myself and others for stupid shit that's happened the last few days.
I'm Lonely, The kind of loneliness that can happen in a room of 1000 people.
I'm Tired, tired of a lot of things. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fuckin' stressed.
I'm just going to stay home and rest today, probably still hit a meeting tonight but other than that I aint doing shit. Supposed to have my weekly aftercare group from rehab tonight, probably just going to call out sick. At least I'll still probably hit the AA meeting. But I don't know. Not the best time to be out of the house much. I'm pretty miserable right now. I don't know if it's PAWS or what. But fuck it sucks.
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