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August: getting/staying sober thread vs. seasons end

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Thanks NSA. The winds were kind last night, the smoke is actually less thick here then it was yesterday morning even though its bigger and closer.

Hell yeah phactor ! Make it through today and you'll get the 90 mark that's FANTASTIC!z!
 
BlueSaffron said:
Thanks... It went ok i think. I think i have a chance, although i said "like" way too many times. Way to sound proffessional, lol. But we'll see...
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I recently went thru the whole interview process (I may be going thru it again though because my job is pretty sucky so far), that shit is nerve racking. Treat each interview as a learning experience. Practice with a friend or record yourself if you want to catch the "likes" and "ums".

Depending on the job there can be several interviews and several interviewers. Getting past the human resource generalist phone interviews is the most frustrating part because that person does not know shit about the job you are applying for. If you are lucky your first interview is with the person that makes the decision to hire. Just remember that everything you say, no matter how stupid the question asked, is a chance for you to show what you bring to the company. Don't sell yourself short, if you can figure out how every sentence you speak conveys how you can add value to the company, you'll be lightyears ahead of your competition. There is actually a lot of good advice on LinkedIn for job seekers but you'd need to register an account to have access to it.

If you interview in person, pay attention and mimic the body language/posturing of the interviewer, even the amount of eye contact he or she makes. Sounds stupid but it really does help put the other person at ease.

I actually have bookmarked some really good pages discussing interview strategies. I can send them to your inbox if you want.
 
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90 Days for me today! I couldn't have done it without NA and all of you guys and girls! Proud of myself and proud of everyone else on these threads. Going to a meeting tonight to pick up the actual key tag.

Chaired a meeting last night with 40+ people present. We had people from out of town come in to present an addict with his 18 year medallion and tag. Pretty awesome stuff.
 
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Just did another job interview... Theres nothing like going into a high pressure situation borderline dopesick. I do enough of these sick, doing them when im finally sober & feeling good will be a piece of cake.
 
I'll have 19 months on the 18th of this month. Shits going good, got a great job lots of hours and high stress but, its a great resume builder and pays great. got some money in the bank I'm saving for god knows what probably some more tattoos, but there is money there and it ain't being spent on pills and dope! Trying to quit smoking cigs, down to nicorette gum mon-fri then satruday and sunday I'll smoke, but I hate the gum reminds me of the methadone of cigarettes. Anyways, I'm working on that. Gym every other day which is nice, working on healthy eating, fruits, veggies, lots of water, etc. Aside from that going on vacation end of the month with the family which is nice and trying to find a girlfriend aside from that everythings awesome!
 
Hey y'all! Swim was taking 16mg diladudid a day, however, he has decided to get clean for the sake of him and his family. He is totally serious and is committed...he took two pills Sunday...he took one Monday was clean tues and let swim tell you tues night sucked...RLS is the worst part...he isn't really having diarrhea. Sure he is feeling weak and kinda hurting (which comes with the withdrawal) but he took one pill today wed at about 2 pm...he is having a hard time but it's not as physical as he thought at least not until night...it's more mental..is withdrawaling from 16 mg a day that bad and how long will it last...like I said his gf is visiting in Pittsburgh and took this week off and goes back to work on Monday. Like I said he used Sunday..took one Monday clean tues and then took one wed..how long till swim feels better?
 
Having a bit of a rough day, to be honest I really am just learning how to live and deal with real life situations and responsibilities. Just really anxious today. Saw my therapist and he knew I was off immediately. Last few days I have been laying around not doing much. I am not using, but I am at times behaving like I am. This is not uncommon at all, but its different when you are the one going through it. When I am anxious, depressed and agitated like this I very much physically show it. I am all fidgety as it is (ADD likely plays a role) and get startled easily but this makes it worst. I can honestly say I am fearful today. Not fearful that I will use, but fearful in a way that is different. Kinda a realization of "holy shit, I have a lot to learn and I am really going to go through some shit clean". So its more of looking at something I have to do, rather then the feeling of "I don't want to feel this way, I have to use and run and hide" type feeling.

I will get over this and I am not going to use over it that is for sure. I just have to deal with it and look at it like a life lesson. Time for me to grow up. I cannot wait for school and my internship to start, but I have 2-3 weeks before that starts and I am going to have to figure something out. I am sure that PAWS is going on as well. I am right in a prime time for them to escalate.

PAWS signs often occur at regular "moon cycle" intervals and without
apparent outside stressors. Often around days 30, 60, 90, 120, and 180,
and around the one and 2-year marks of sobriety, there seems to be
"triggering" of PAWS signs.
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https://patienteducation.osumc.edu/Documents/paws.pdf

Was the "keytag" and "chip" system of the 12 step groups an attempt to deal with this? I have no idea but it is possible they noticed that relapses were frequent around these times. PAWS is a newer development/discovery in the addiction field.

And I must say, I feel slightly better after typing this out. :)
 
phactor said:
PAWS signs often occur at regular "moon cycle" intervals and without
apparent outside stressors. Often around days 30, 60, 90, 120, and 180,
and around the one and 2-year marks of sobriety, there seems to be
"triggering" of PAWS signs.

https://patienteducation.osumc.edu/Documents/paws.pdf
Click to expand...

In the past I had this happen as well. This is why this time I did not count days at all.. if I dont really know how long ive been clean then my addiction does not now how long its been waiting. So it does not get all bitchy and hit me with some of its manipulations.

I also dont ever tell myself never again.. Just not today. One day at a time as the fellowships say.
 
Bluesaffron, interviews take practice! You'll be a pro soon and you'll be happy you had all this practice because the next time you are looking for a job it will be easier.

Heading to see a therapist for the first time on Monday. Pretty nervous about it. He's not a doctor but a social worker. If anyone has any experience here and wants to share I'd love to hear it.

More so to talk about my depression. I've done a lot of reflecting about my past and I think that my depression led to the addiction, not vice versa. Considering anti depressants but I want to see how therapy works first. I'm just tired if being depressed.

I think I'm doing well on the addiction front. I still crave, but not as frequently. My addict brain is definitely losing the fight. My sober brain is winning. There are times where I have a shitty day and I don't even crave. It's truly remarkable. Coming up on one year at the end of August!! Couldn't if made it without you guys here so a big thank you (especially to neversick, always the voice of reason).

Still a bit fearful about relapse. I had a really strong craving the other day where if there was beer in the house I think I might have drank it. First time that's happened in a while. Just a reminder I gotta stay vigilant. Always.
 
neversickanymore said:
In the past I had this happen as well. This is why this time I did not count days at all.. if I dont really know how long ive been clean then my addiction does not now how long its been waiting. So it does not get all bitchy and hit me with some of its manipulations.

I also dont ever tell myself never again.. Just not today. One day at a time as the fellowships say.
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That is a really good idea, it really would be best if I tried that.... stopped counting days. It's almost like I'm just counting the days 'til I use again, simply trying to beat a record of how long I can go, like there is some doubt there.... I mean a chance of relapse is normal, but I shouldn't doubt myself that I can do this, it would just make things not turn out well.
Today was hard, I almost picked up the phone, really happy to have an awesome roomie that has been helping me with this quitting process.... I haven't deleted my numbers yet though which is a sheer sign that I'm not 100% ready, I guess which is why some of us do count the days, but with time I know it will come for me to stop counting because I've made it this far already, I can't go back now... approaching morning 16.

I hope everyone has a lovely day <3
 
Heyall44 said:
Hey y'all! Swim was taking 16mg diladudid a day, however, he has decided to get clean for the sake of him and his family. He is totally serious and is committed...he took two pills Sunday...he took one Monday was clean tues and let swim tell you tues night sucked...RLS is the worst part...he isn't really having diarrhea. Sure he is feeling weak and kinda hurting (which comes with the withdrawal) but he took one pill today wed at about 2 pm...he is having a hard time but it's not as physical as he thought at least not until night...it's more mental..is withdrawaling from 16 mg a day that bad and how long will it last...like I said his gf is visiting in Pittsburgh and took this week off and goes back to work on Monday. Like I said he used Sunday..took one Monday clean tues and then took one wed..how long till swim feels better?
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Good for you that's a horrible drug so short acting. Well its usually a week of very intense withdrawal when it comes to detox from hydromorphone. Since the drug is very short acting the withdrawals will be shorter than most opiates you withdraw from but be very intense. Everyone is a bit different but usually 1 week for the worst symptoms then another week or 2 sometimes even a month before you start getting energy back.

Good luck stay strong and keep coming back! :)
 
Heyall44 said:
Hey y'all! Swim was taking 16mg diladudid a day, however, he has decided to get clean for the sake of him and his family. He is totally serious and is committed...he took two pills Sunday...he took one Monday was clean tues and let swim tell you tues night sucked...RLS is the worst part...he isn't really having diarrhea. Sure he is feeling weak and kinda hurting (which comes with the withdrawal) but he took one pill today wed at about 2 pm...he is having a hard time but it's not as physical as he thought at least not until night...it's more mental..is withdrawaling from 16 mg a day that bad and how long will it last...like I said his gf is visiting in Pittsburgh and took this week off and goes back to work on Monday. Like I said he used Sunday..took one Monday clean tues and then took one wed..how long till swim feels better?
Click to expand...

Trainspotter is right, I was taking about (slightly more than) the same dosage as you, Heyall44, and I'm at day 16,
Physically: feeling a lot better (aside from the restless legs at night preventing sleep),
Mentally: gaining my energy slowly, and motivation to do things.
Emotionally: Lots of depression that comes and goes still, and baaaad cravings

but when I get really bad cravings, I just keep in mind to take everything one day at a time, and know that the further I make it away from the demons, they will always be there, but their voices can be greatly lessened to the point of tuning them out, and healthily getting on with life.

It is a long, winding path full of emotion and reflectioon, but it's a path that won't slowly deteriorate one to the point of not caring about life, or anything at all. In fact, it will do the opposite.

Opiates really do steal the soul...

I wish you the best of luck on your recovery, Heyall44. If you ever need to talk feel free to inbox me :)
 
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