• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

August: getting/staying sober thread vs. seasons end

Status
Not open for further replies.
I'm doing well here. It's been 2 years of sobriety this month as I have written in other threads. I knew I could do this, and I'll still continue to do it. I just take it one day at a time.
 
lilczey said:
Day 2...

And i have work today I tossed and turned all night.. It sucked horribly.. I barely slept and my back is on fire..
Click to expand...

what are you coming off lilczey? heroin?

much <3. I know you can get through this


xburtonchic said:
Day one again for me. I already feel discouraged. This is not good.
Click to expand...

stay positive <3

help is out there, and I know you have it in you to get clean.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
what are you coming off lilczey? heroin?

much <3. I know you can get through this




stay positive <3

help is out there, and I know you have it in you to get clean.
Click to expand...
Opiates.. :(

Subs for the last few days heroin and Roxy before that..
 
I feel a lil better about it, though relapse still seems inevitable. I came so close to copping today, luckily no one ever answered their phone and I ended up taking Suboxone. Then my friend asked me if I wanted to throw in with him just now, I said yes and first but then changed my mind and told him to go without me. Which is good. But my mind is already trying to figure out when I can use next. WTF. Normally I don't have cravings and general negativity like this. I'm usually a pretty fucking positive person but I do NOT have high hopes for this particular detox for some reason...

If only I could go to rehab or something... but that's not an option, so I have to do what I can with what I have.

Oh well I have 36 hours clean and I will take it one minute at a time if I have to.
 
Well fuck I jus did a 30 :/ and i will probably get more tonight..

I wasn't even withdrawaling that bad other then shits back pain and no motivation or energy to be at work today..

I guess it doesn't help that my boss was the one who went to the doctors today and gave it to me

Fuck FUXK FUXK why do I have to be so weak
 
You're not weak for relapsing. Opiates are a powerful class of drugs and addiction is a fucked up disease. One that I suspect we've still got a long way to go before we fully understand it and so are able to wipe it out entirely. All you can really do when you slip is pick yourself up and keep trying.

In early, early recovery (like where you and me are right now), it literally feels like a physical compulsion for something you need. I mean it's just an insane fucking drive. Never experienced anything like it before in my life, and I've done plenty of drugs. I had a meth "addiction" for two years in high school... I'm talking every day, all day use... and that was a fucking JOKE compared to this shit. Opiates are truly evil.

I just hit my 48 hour mark a couple hours ago. I did my last shot in the morning the first day and was somehow able to sleep that night and wake up not even feeling that bad. I took maybe .5mg Suboxone a couple hours after the 24 hour mark and another 1mg a few hours later. Today I've taken another .5mg. This has gone surprisingly smooth, physically, although I feel worse today than I did yesterday... chills and a general feeling of achiness and blahness. Mentally not so smooth but meh, I've been fighting through it regardless. I just want to break this fucking cycle finally, I want to be free... I miss that feeling soo much. I have to give myself a fighting chance to get there.
 
you're doing good xburtonchic. And you definitely need to give yourself a fighting chance. I want to be free too... I think we can do it :) I've been thinking about the fact that it's about to be fall, and then Christmas, and I was thinking how amazing it would be to celebrate Christmas sober. That's four months from now, I definitely should be feeling better by then and you should too. My bday is on Dec 31st, and it'd be nice to celebrate a clean bday for the first time in a long time.

What's your plan - are you just going to take a small amount of subs for the next week or so, or do you plan to use them longer?
 
today is one week no benzos for me. before this, i've been everyday for years. of course i didn't just quit; this is the first week after a several month long taper. anyway, i'm happy about this. and five months, three weeks no alcohol. i'd just say six months, but it's labor day weekend in an hour. not that i'm doubting my resolve, just know it's gonna be there.
 
Thanks, Blue :) I know we can do it too!! LOL that's funny, I was just thinking about Christmas myself and how badly I want to be able to actually buy everyone presents this year. I'm always strung out and broke around Christmas time, usually at my worst. There's something about winter that gets to me, it's when I relapsed last year. I love love love the warm weather, and I'm lucky because it stays pretty warm here all year, but I'm hella sensitive to cold and when it's cold it just pisses me off and my mood in general is a little more negative than usual. ugh. I'm going to have to keep my guard up this year for sure. But I really wanna open presents this year with my family and have Christmas dinner and all that and really BE there, being fully present, not sneaking into the bathroom to shoot up and feeling like I'm hiding behind this huge veil of lies and like I'm basically just the biggest fraud ever and feeling like I don't deserve any of it. Ugh. That's just so freaking sad to think about, I almost wanna stay clean now just so I can feel like a little kid again this Christmas... haha.

Awesome job hydro :) How do you feel??
 
Day 37, dragging my bf to his first meeting since his relapse...
I came so close to caving one night with him but none of the dealers answered lol.. It was a sign!

I got him to delete his numbers yesterday, which I had to build up the courage to do before he got back from rehab.
Man its tough to quit when your fell into it with your companion... :/
One partner quits, the other relapses, but I refuse to cave, 37 days is the longest ive been off opiates in 2 years and Im not about to lose an upcoming 2 months to that fucking demon of a drug and the way it is used.

Great job to everyone who has been clean,
and to those of you who have made the decision that it's time to stop,
cause we all know it'll only get worse unless something is done about it,
and no one understands an addict's problem like another addict. <3

~Verri
 
Last edited:
oh I forgot you asked about what I'm doing with the Suboxone lol. I took around 1.5mg yesterday, taken .5 today so far. I'm pretty much just judging it on how I feel. I only have one 8mg strip to work with, and that's enough for me. I'd like to keep the bupe withdrawals to a bare minimum, so I definitely only plan on using them in as little amounts as possible, spaced as far apart as possible. I'll just keep doing that, taking little .5mg doses when I absolutely need them, until the rest of the strip runs out. Last year when I got clean, I had 4 full 8mg strips that I took over a span of five days. The withdrawals once I jumped off were certainly manageable, but bad enough that it affected my quality of life. I'm hoping that this small dose I'm on gives me enough time to get all the heroin detoxed out of my system and over the hump of those acutes, and all I'll have to deal with is very minor discomfort while the bupe is leaving my system. We'll see though. I'm hoping for the best but I am also prepared for worse. :)
 
5+ months without opiates, benzos, or any hard drugs. I'm still having a hard time tho, been drinking beer every friday, and thinking of ways to get some kratom or anything. Basically depression and anxiety are kicking my ass and I just want some relief. I ended up doing LSD, molly, and weed at a concert a few weeks ago and since then i've started drinking more on weekends. I'm happy that I haven't done my DOC yet but the cravings have been rough. Being an extroverted-introvert is hard without downers. I never feel comfortable in my own skin around people since getting off the hard drugs. On the brightside i'm extremely proud of how far i've come but still feel hopeless at times. I just need some support man I feel alone in this battle. Much love to everyone here trying to get clean! I know it isn't easy...keep fighting the good fight.
 
Mad props to everyone! And it is always a sign when the dealer does not pick up or has none haha!

I started hitting the weights again, and I'm so damn sore that my arms won't fully extend out, feels pretty good but hurts lol, but what feels better is knowing I am actually MOTIVATED enough to work out seriously again, cause my ass being high would NOT go to the gym, my mind would play tricks on me thinking oh for sure I'll start tomorrow it's ok, results will come quick anyway I know what I'm doing... bullshit! Taking action is the most important thing.

I've been browsing a site called Tiny Buddha, it has some really cool inspiring articles, self-help in a way, and also talks about meditation of course and stuff like that. It's still really hard to not think about the stupid fucking past, and stay focused on the present, but I'm trying. The best way to erase old memories is to replace them with new ones.

oh and I hate you Labor Day!! now I have to wait an extra week for outpatient completion lol, we have no class this Monday darn it
 
Tiny Buddha is an awesome site haha :)

I am currently waging a war with myself about copping tonight or not, but for fucks sake I only have 60 or so hours clean. AND I'm still taking Suboxone. It would be a waste, I know that, but the addict in me is raging hard right now :(
 
Just try to make it a week. Thats what i do sometimes. I tell myself just make it a week and then u can go cop. Then the week is up and i say ok, three more days.

And then what always helps me, although no one i tell this to ever seems to understand why-i tell myself the dope is there and its gonna be there. Tonight is NOT the last time ever in life ill be able to use. I guess it sounds counter intuitive, but knowing i can easily get it and will always have the choice to use if i really want to, helps me say no. If i say to myself "no you cant use, yr a heroin addict yr not allowed" i feel trapped and like i need to do it. Sounds horrible but its true. Its why i never say "i will never use again". I can use whenever i want. But i dont have to. Itll be there tomorrow... So i choose to get through tonight without it. And itll be there sunday if i want, so i dont need to do it saturday.

Cop or dont cop tho, u have support here. xx
 
It definitely sounds good to hear when someone reaches 40 days off and still with energy to go to meetings.
It´s a great thing you are doing it.
Some of us use Methadone or subs to get there, myself included.
 
6 mg today. Daaaang homie. Had the "electric jolts" when i moved my eyes too fast this am-does anyone know what im talking about? I only get that when im really sick. Pretty sure its not from my one night relapse so much as it is going down 1 mg a day for the last few days. Tmrw 5 monday 4 tues 3 and then off. Almost there, & im sticking with it.

"You know you got to go through hell before you get to heaven".
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top