frostyangel
Bluelighter
It sucks when you do not want to feel anything anymore, and you can not silence the screams that bleed from your tears. You can not stop from wanting to drown yourself in the water you just filled the hot bath with, and you don't because the emotions you have are to real to deal. You feel sorry for yourself because it's for the better that your a chicken shit. To numb to feel, to weak to deal, things always end up not going good for you and you can not help to wonder why? What did you do so wrong in this or your past life, that you can not find your way back out of this deep hole someone has been digging for you every day of your life.
Too many hopeless dreams ending with scary screams.. 95% of my life I walk around feeling like a zombie and the other 5% of my life I'm trying to walk around fixing it. I must be a fhen moran all of these silly day dreams with aspiration for things that never happen for someone like me.
I sometimes wonder, which end of the tootem pole is better appreciated the top view or the bottom. So, why can't I dive? Why can I not let this last breath go before I let my life drain. And you know how it is when you think you can't get any lower, you can not get any emptier, or kicked around.. you can, you will and your going to hate every minute of it, just when you feel you can not take one more step.
I do not want to hate myself. I do not want to cry anymore. Close the hole you started to dig. This emptiness has to much solitude. I lost all my shelter in expressing myself to others. When I thought I could enjoy myself, others disapproved and now that I disapprove.. you laugh
hugs..
I too can relate to this piece, nice writing.