ARTICLE: 'The art of punishment and shame'

[(Wordy)]

Welcome to the community discussion thread for the article 'The art of punishment and shame' by Edward Hazel, also known as M!$TER-ED.

Ed's article was inspired by streaM Freak's recent article on shame, as well as the Bluelight recovery support forums.

Feel free to post your thoughts about the article, and/or any questions you might have.

Here in the Bluelight Article Discussion forum, we also invite article authors to respond to the discussion if they wish.

Constructive criticism and civil debate are welcome; however, abusive comments will not be tolerated. The Bluelight User Agreement (BLUA) applies, as it does across our site.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Hmm I wonder if anyone has read the article.

 

[Tronica]

@M!$TER-ED I read it. Really reminds me of how traumatic events, like what happened to you at 15, are pivotal moments, that change how we are so deeply. And yet many decades later you are able to reflect on it, and recast it - perhaps it was your father's shame that burst out in that moment, and ended up being directed at you. Often people's behaviour is more about the person doing the behaviour than it is about the person on the receiving end, right?

Shame is - in my opinion- very destructive. If we can shine a brighter light on the things that are often pushed into the darkness due to shame, then as the light shines on, the shame (and the power of these shameful hidden things) gets less and less, until one day, the shame may just not be there anymore. Radical honesty, at least between trusted individuals in a relationship for example, is what I prefer - to really allow yourself, your whole self, to be vulnerable and to be seen. And to radically trust the other person to love you unconditionally. I know that's not something everyone has access to, but to practice giving and receiving that radical acceptance is truly a gift, in my view.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[Shrooms00087]

Nice article.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

@M!$TER-ED I read it. Really reminds me of how traumatic events, like what happened to you at 15, are pivotal moments, that change how we are so deeply. And yet many decades later you are able to reflect on it, and recast it - perhaps it was your father's shame that burst out in that moment, and ended up being directed at you. Often people's behaviour is more about the person doing the behaviour than it is about the person on the receiving end, right?

Shame is - in my opinion- very destructive. If we can shine a brighter light on the things that are often pushed into the darkness due to shame, then as the light shines on, the shame (and the power of these shameful hidden things) gets less and less, until one day, the shame may just not be there anymore. Radical honesty, at least between trusted individuals in a relationship for example, is what I prefer - to really allow yourself, your whole self, to be vulnerable and to be seen. And to radically trust the other person to love you unconditionally. I know that's not something everyone has access to, but to practice giving and receiving that radical acceptance is truly a gift, in my view.

Thanks for sharing!

Thank you. It takes a long time to fully accept and love yourself, despite everything that life throws at you. It's not perfection; it is complete acceptance not only for yourself but also for everything. Love is the explanation I have.