Are you "sober passing"?

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

I've been a functional addict since my late teens and I'm 33 now, but I pass as "sober" or "normal". Are there any other alcoholics and/or addicts here who can say the same? I'm just curious to know what lengths others have to go to blend with sober folks. In my case, it's in the form of making just enough money to pay for both bills and drugs so that I don't wind up homeless. In terms of physical appearance, I'd say other than being almost underweight and having dark circles under my eyes with a vaguely unhealthy palor, I look okay for the most part. I still exercise 5 days a week, eat a healthy vegetarian diet, and maintain good hygiene (which the sober assume that the vast majority of addicts lack routine). I also try my best to avoid looking visibly pinned out in public. With the naked eye, I think most people would never suspect I have a drug problem. I'm basically a "Jerry Stahl" type of addict. For those who aren't familiar with him, he wrote for the show "Alf" and Ben Stiller portrayed him in the movie Permanent Midnight. He described himself as an "L.A. junkie", meaning he still had to eat healthy and exercise to maintain his appearance in order to make a good impression on the people he worked for. He didn't blow his cover until he hit rock bottom and could no longer get work.

 

[negrogesic]

I completely forgot about that movie (Permanent Midnight). Was an odd role for Ben Stiller but it wasn't horrible. I think I saw it more than once.

People have always been shocked to find out that I use/have used drugs, because i guess I look well put together being somewhat of a pretty boy white guy, but also because I hold my drugs well, don't tend to get sloppy on them, etc. Mainly appear tired when I'm fucked up. My girlfriend was surprised to learn about my drug use, which I was quick to tell her about. People are especially surprised when I've tell that I used to use serious drugs, like IV heroin etc. Granted I don't do that stuff anymore but I still do use some drugs selectively.

What's funny is, almost every single time I've seen her family (for Christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, etc) I've been loaded on something, using opioids, sometimes benzos and stimulants. Sometimes the doses of opioids involved have been heavy, where I look very tired, scratching my face, kind of giddy and also hyper (I get hyper when I've taken alot of opioids), very outgoing and relaxed, speaking in a super deep movie announcer type voice.

But last Christmas I saw her family and I didn't take shit. Yet after, when we were leaving her dad asked me if I was "OK to drive" because i "seemed tired", even though I didn't take shit . I guess that mf is just used to seeing me all hyped up on opioids (like when little kids are so tired they get hyper -- that's like how I get on narcotics).

 

[Fire&Water]

Nobody would be the wiser if it wasnt for my
jim bruer half baked eyes

 

[brokedownpalace10]

I think people aren't as stupid as you think. They generally know something is up with you. However, they don't know what exactly and they generally won't pry.
For all they know, you like to drink a 6 pack every evening and are hung over in the morning. There are plenty of people like that.

Yeah, any time I've quit drugs, people would notice the difference. I usually get more outgoing when I do.

 

[PtahTek]

I tend tr\o believe/lie to myself I live the sober lyfestle and must project it as almosy everyone thinks i am law enforcement.
Been this way for quite a while. Even when I was seriously "out there" mfs would brush me off as a narc.
The bright side: It keeps most of the riff-raff outta my face.
IRDK
Discretion goes a long way
peace

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am not very functional (due to a couple reasons), but I can easily pass as sober when I'm not.

 

[G_Chem]

I’ve talked casually with a cop for 15min not long after down a couple E’s and 10 shots of whiskey.

I get the impression people are suspicious of me due to my stoner voice and tattoos but they usually don’t think much beyond weed. They definitely don’t think I used to shoot heroin or smoke crack daiky.

-GC

 

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

I completely forgot about that movie (Permanent Midnight). Was an odd role for Ben Stiller but it wasn't horrible. I think I saw it more than once.

People have always been shocked to find out that I use/have used drugs, because i guess I look well put together being somewhat of a pretty boy white guy, but also because I hold my drugs well, don't tend to get sloppy on them, etc. Mainly appear tired when I'm fucked up. My girlfriend was surprised to learn about my drug use, which I was quick to tell her about. People are especially surprised when I've tell that I used to use serious drugs, like IV heroin etc. Granted I don't do that stuff anymore but I still do use some drugs selectively.

What's funny is, almost every single time I've seen her family (for Christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, etc) I've been loaded on something, using opioids, sometimes benzos and stimulants. Sometimes the doses of opioids involved have been heavy, where I look very tired, scratching my face, kind of giddy and also hyper (I get hyper when I've taken alot of opioids), very outgoing and relaxed, speaking in a super deep movie announcer type voice.

But last Christmas I saw her family and I didn't take shit. Yet after, when we were leaving her dad asked me if I was "OK to drive" because i "seemed tired", even though I didn't take shit . I guess that mf is just used to seeing me all hyped up on opioids (like when little kids are so tired they get hyper -- that's like how I get on narcotics).

I'm the same way, actually. Haha. For some odd reason, holidays and bad habits go hand in hand. Perhaps it's because of holiday stress or being around relatives you'd rather avoid? Either way, using on the holidays has always been a must for me. Should've seen me last 4th of July. I was wearing a 75mcg fentanyl patch and my whole family came by to visit my fiance and I at our new place. None of them suspected a thing because I was in such a great mood and being way more social than I would be had I not insisted on wearing a patch whilst drinking an absinthe cocktail. It was niiiice....

 

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

I’ve talked casually with a cop for 15min not long after down a couple E’s and 10 shots of whiskey.

I get the impression people are suspicious of me due to my stoner voice and tattoos but they usually don’t think much beyond weed. They definitely don’t think I used to shoot heroin or smoke crack daiky.

-GC

Talking to a cop after 2 E's and 10 shots of whiskey? You must have the tolerance of the most magical leprechaun. I'd be out like a light and I'm an experienced drinker myself. Haha.

 

[negrogesic]

I'm the same way, actually. Haha. For some odd reason, holidays and bad habits go hand in hand. Perhaps it's because of holiday stress or being around relatives you'd rather avoid? Either way, using on the holidays has always been a must for me.

Yeah this last Christmas was the first holiday period in many years where I didn't get temporarily hooked on opioids. Although I quit year-round daily opioid addiction many years ago, in more recent years I've gotten hooked on opioids for like 2 months (November and December) to deal with the holidays, then go through a cold turkey withdrawal period in January. But this last year was the first time in a long time that i didn't do that.

The thing is, the reason behind that was likely due the testosterone I started "supplementing" myself with that November and December -- which to my complete surprise significantly reduced my cravings and desire for opioids. So I guess you could argue that I was still on drugs last Christmas

 

[kiely]

Prednisone helped me with my sobriety from opioid love. But it did. I just ate only one bottle of it though. (not the opioid )

I am glad that I recommended it to me. At the time. Very strong and was a good boost. Prednisone seems to be Very nice as a comfort med support too.

That is all.

( Also . . . opioids as in my pain medicine. )

 

[jasperkent]

A few years ago I cooked at a restaurant where my "bottle of water" was always 50% vodka (90 or 100 proof). I had a couple pints stashed out back where I could refill it and I maintained a good buzz all day but I never actually got drunk at work. I made sure I was never close enough to my boss that she could smell it.

I went to a 28-day rehab and came back to work. At the end of my 1st day back, my boss asked if I was OK because she could tell something was different.
Me: "Well, I'm not drinking "
She: "But I've never seen you intoxicated."
Me: "No, you've never seen me sober."

Same thing when I was on oxy at another restaurant. I'm a damn good worker on oxy. The only times people got suspicious were when I was  low on pills.

 

[negrogesic]

Prednisone helped me with my sobriety from opioid love. But it did. I just ate only one bottle of it though. (not the opioid )

I am glad that I recommended it to me. At the time. Very strong and was a good boost. Prednisone seems to be Very nice as a comfort med support too.

That is all.

( Also . . . opioids as in my pain medicine. )

Yeah, it's interesting how profoundly hormones effect the brain.

Can't imagine what it's like to be a woman:



^^^It almost like one is at the mercy of these wave-like hormone surges, followed by rapid shift after menopause. I don't think I'd handle it too well . In fact based on how my sister handles it, I know I wouldn't handle it well. Compared to my sister, my girlfriend handles it much better -- likely because my girlfriend is significantly less intelligent than my sister (with increased intelligence often comes increased neuroticism, so my sister is more impacted by these fluctuations). The ultimate hormonal clusterfuck occurs after childbirth, producing a somewhat benzo withdrawal-like syndrome in some (post-partum depression):



Sorry for the digression, just find the impact of hormones on the brain very interesting

 

[jsinger]

I've been a functional addict since my late teens and I'm 33 now, but I pass as "sober" or "normal". Are there any other alcoholics and/or addicts here who can say the same? I'm just curious to know what lengths others have to go to blend with sober folks. In my case, it's in the form of making just enough money to pay for both bills and drugs so that I don't wind up homeless. In terms of physical appearance, I'd say other than being almost underweight and having dark circles under my eyes with a vaguely unhealthy palor, I look okay for the most part. I still exercise 5 days a week, eat a healthy vegetarian diet, and maintain good hygiene (which the sober assume that the vast majority of addicts lack routine). I also try my best to avoid looking visibly pinned out in public. With the naked eye, I think most people would never suspect I have a drug problem. I'm basically a "Jerry Stahl" type of addict. For those who aren't familiar with him, he wrote for the show "Alf" and Ben Stiller portrayed him in the movie Permanent Midnight. He described himself as an "L.A. junkie", meaning he still had to eat healthy and exercise to maintain his appearance in order to make a good impression on the people he worked for. He didn't blow his cover until he hit rock bottom and could no longer get work.

I generally can pass as sober even though I’ll still worry that joe public knows im high.
Even if they did so what, but I struggle like crazy and it’s not the meth alone. Have seriously debilitating anxiety and basically spend 18 hours in my room alone. I like to pretend it’s not that bad and i do enjoy myself same time any annoyance will quickly spiral into anger. I don’t wanna stop nor keep going so what the fuck. I don’t know other then fuck these goddamn choices

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

I reckon Im more sober passing on methadone and some benzos than none at all

 

[jasperkent]

I reckon Im more sober passing on methadone and some benzos than none at all

I was always in a good mood while on methadone.
Then I had to detox with no meds in jail. That was horrible.

 

[crazyhairman]

I use Delta8 sometimes pretty sure I'm fine to claim I'm clean. I don't use pills anymore I don't drink I don't trip I don't do any Molly. I don't bar hop I don't even smoke cigarettes or drink caffeine anymore.

But yeah I'll use some Delta 8 gummies occasionally at night.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Yeah, it's interesting how profoundly hormones effect the brain.

Can't imagine what it's like to be a woman:



^^^It almost like one is at the mercy of these wave-like hormone surges, followed by rapid shift after menopause. I don't think I'd handle it too well . In fact based on how my sister handles it, I know I wouldn't handle it well. Compared to my sister, my girlfriend handles it much better -- likely because my girlfriend is significantly less intelligent than my sister (with increased intelligence often comes increased neuroticism, so my sister is more impacted by these fluctuations). The ultimate hormonal clusterfuck occurs after childbirth, producing a somewhat benzo withdrawal-like syndrome in some (post-partum depression):



Sorry for the digression, just find the impact of hormones on the brain very interesting

There's daily fluctuations in our testosterone levels. You could say the reason why men don't appear 'hormonal' is that it's CONSTANT with us.

 

[FunctionalJnkieGrl]

A few years ago I cooked at a restaurant where my "bottle of water" was always 50% vodka (90 or 100 proof). I had a couple pints stashed out back where I could refill it and I maintained a good buzz all day but I never actually got drunk at work. I made sure I was never close enough to my boss that she could smell it.

I went to a 28-day rehab and came back to work. At the end of my 1st day back, my boss asked if I was OK because she could tell something was different.
Me: "Well, I'm not drinking "
She: "But I've never seen you intoxicated."
Me: "No, you've never seen me sober."

Same thing when I was on oxy at another restaurant. I'm a damn good worker on oxy. The only times people got suspicious were when I was  low on pills.

I think I just function better when I'm not completely sober as well, be it when I'm drunk, on opiates/opioids, or a combination of both. Aside from looking tired and scratching my nose a bit, I'm more functional than I would be sober or worse--if my supply gets cut off abruptly. I guess us addicts and even people with high tendencies for addiction who avoid drugs are just wired differently as far as our brain chemistry is concerned. Like you mentioned, it's when I'm running low on pain meds when people notice any change in my behavior. When that happens, I'm extremely restless and in a shit mood. People are quick to pick up on when I'm feeling miserable. I guess I'm better at passing as sober when I'm heavily medicated and feeling comfortable than passing as normal when the onset of withdrawals hit. There's no hiding the chills and that horrible, fidgety feeling I get when I'm hurting for more. Funny enough, when the pain meds wear off and the restlessness sets in, people assume I'm tweaking on meth or something because I'm frantic and can't sit still. Nope. Just dopesick. Haha. It annoyed the shit out of me when my grandma (who knows I have a drug problem), accused me of being high when really I was starting to withdrawal. She said my pupils were as big as saucers and I was being snappy towards customers (my family runs a bar which I work at), so that's what she basis drug-use on. Stupidly, I told her "No, I'm high when my pupils are tiny. They're big right now since I'm feeling like shit because I'm not."

 

[brokedownpalace10]

I think I just function better when I'm not completely sober as well, be it when I'm drunk, on opiates/opioids, or a combination of both. Aside from looking tired and scratching my nose a bit, I'm more functional than I would be sober or worse--if my supply gets cut off abruptly. I guess us addicts and even people with high tendencies for addiction who avoid drugs are just wired differently as far as our brain chemistry is concerned. Like you mentioned, it's when I'm running low on pain meds when people notice any change in my behavior. When that happens, I'm extremely restless and in a shit mood. People are quick to pick up on when I'm feeling miserable. I guess I'm better at passing as sober when I'm heavily medicated and feeling comfortable than passing as normal when the onset of withdrawals hit. There's no hiding the chills and that horrible, fidgety feeling I get when I'm hurting for more. Funny enough, when the pain meds wear off and the restlessness sets in, people assume I'm tweaking on meth or something because I'm frantic and can't sit still. Nope. Just dopesick. Haha. It annoyed the shit out of me when my grandma (who knows I have a drug problem), accused me of being high when really I was starting to withdrawal. She said my pupils were as big as saucers and I was being snappy towards customers (my family runs a bar which I work at), so that's what she basis drug-use on. Stupidly, I told her "No, I'm high when my pupils are tiny. They're big right now since I'm feeling like shit because I'm not."

Username checks out.