Let me explain my situation first, then I'll elaborate on my question. I got in an order of 4-ho-met last Tuesday right before I left town to go visit my (now ex) girlfriend across the state. I wasn't going to see her that night because I had another obligation early the next morning. So, wanting to test the product and being impatient, I took 15mg for the drive there. I had an awesome life-affirming, universal love trip watching the beautiful countryside and sunset as I drove along. It really was amazing being back in the realm. When I arrived at my hotel, I called my best friend and ended up talking for like 30 minutes. He said I sounded happier than I had in months, which I definitely agreed with. I told him of all the little things I learned on the way up there and how amazing it was. I told him of how I finally saw how you aren't who you think you are, but who others see you as. Last night on the drive back he told me how his classes had become much better and how he was clashing less with classmates because of it. Tangible results from my philosophizing. I had lots of other little lines of wisdom like this that he gladly listened to and praised for it's wisdom. Twas great.
Stop reading here if you don't care: Then I see my girlfriend the next day and end up having a great Wed, Fri, Sat, and Sun with her. Monday though, as I go to pick her up from class (her car's in the shop), I see my car has been towed from her apartment parking. Now, I also hadn't been able to find my wallet since Friday night, and since then she'd paid for $70 worth of food for me. That already slightly annoyed her. But we go to the impound and I find the wallet in there, and pay the fine, get the suburban, pay her back, etc. etc. Anyways she's already highly annoyed with me for my "carelessness" and we're laying on her bed before I have to leave in an hour. As we are, she mentions how she saw my scale in my bag and asks why I have it.
I had an incident with too much Xanax and alcohol in Peru this summer that lead to her almost breaking up with me, but love prevailing, etc etc. Only because I promised I would stop using anything and be productive and change. That incident caused me to swear off all drugs and stay sober. A week or two in I realized I was dead with my prescribed ADD meds or caffeine and started using those again. And since then I've drank and smoked a couple times, but none just because I was bored by myself. Anyways, she's against me using anything.
So I end up bullshitting her and lying for like 2 minutes. She gets even more distant and turns her back towards me on the bed. I'm laying there, thinking "shit, she knows I sold something to her roommate's friend at the party, and I can't just lie to her"
So I confessed. I ended up telling her I had this psychedelic etc etc. and she freaked out on me and ended things. She said she wasn't comfortable with us right now, I don't need drugs, I knew how she felt about using them, etc etc.
Start reading now if you don't care: So I'm wondering myself, and seeking guidance from those more experienced with psys and life, what are your boundaries when it comes to psychedelics affecting relationships? Of course if chemical use is a detriment to your relationships, it means you're an addict. But I'm talking in terms of whether or not you would give up these life affirming, loving experiences for a girl that doesn't approve. I think I crossed a line, and she won't come back around. But assuming she would, answer me this. Would you quit psychedelics for a girl who doesn't understand, or not be willing to forego these spiritual and personal growing experiences for someone you know you aren't a good match with?
I just see it like psychedelics are helping me achieve me be the person I want to be. They let me see things from an unbiased view, thus letting me see and change undesired traits, but also make me feel the universal love that is out there and feel rejuvenated and ready for life. And it's not like I'm abusing them either, I hadn't tripped in months prior to this. As The Celestine Prophecy says, those that have had spiritual awakening moments before are going to have an easier time reaching those states sober because they have a reference point.
But then part of me says, drugs over people anytime is bad. But then I think, what if the drug is helping me reach the place I want to be (my belief is spiritual/emotional enlightenment and the sharing of that is the sole purpose of life)? I know I'm not gonna marry this girl, hell, it's my first adult relationship.
Thoughts?
Stop reading here if you don't care: Then I see my girlfriend the next day and end up having a great Wed, Fri, Sat, and Sun with her. Monday though, as I go to pick her up from class (her car's in the shop), I see my car has been towed from her apartment parking. Now, I also hadn't been able to find my wallet since Friday night, and since then she'd paid for $70 worth of food for me. That already slightly annoyed her. But we go to the impound and I find the wallet in there, and pay the fine, get the suburban, pay her back, etc. etc. Anyways she's already highly annoyed with me for my "carelessness" and we're laying on her bed before I have to leave in an hour. As we are, she mentions how she saw my scale in my bag and asks why I have it.
I had an incident with too much Xanax and alcohol in Peru this summer that lead to her almost breaking up with me, but love prevailing, etc etc. Only because I promised I would stop using anything and be productive and change. That incident caused me to swear off all drugs and stay sober. A week or two in I realized I was dead with my prescribed ADD meds or caffeine and started using those again. And since then I've drank and smoked a couple times, but none just because I was bored by myself. Anyways, she's against me using anything.
So I end up bullshitting her and lying for like 2 minutes. She gets even more distant and turns her back towards me on the bed. I'm laying there, thinking "shit, she knows I sold something to her roommate's friend at the party, and I can't just lie to her"
So I confessed. I ended up telling her I had this psychedelic etc etc. and she freaked out on me and ended things. She said she wasn't comfortable with us right now, I don't need drugs, I knew how she felt about using them, etc etc.
Start reading now if you don't care: So I'm wondering myself, and seeking guidance from those more experienced with psys and life, what are your boundaries when it comes to psychedelics affecting relationships? Of course if chemical use is a detriment to your relationships, it means you're an addict. But I'm talking in terms of whether or not you would give up these life affirming, loving experiences for a girl that doesn't approve. I think I crossed a line, and she won't come back around. But assuming she would, answer me this. Would you quit psychedelics for a girl who doesn't understand, or not be willing to forego these spiritual and personal growing experiences for someone you know you aren't a good match with?
I just see it like psychedelics are helping me achieve me be the person I want to be. They let me see things from an unbiased view, thus letting me see and change undesired traits, but also make me feel the universal love that is out there and feel rejuvenated and ready for life. And it's not like I'm abusing them either, I hadn't tripped in months prior to this. As The Celestine Prophecy says, those that have had spiritual awakening moments before are going to have an easier time reaching those states sober because they have a reference point.
But then part of me says, drugs over people anytime is bad. But then I think, what if the drug is helping me reach the place I want to be (my belief is spiritual/emotional enlightenment and the sharing of that is the sole purpose of life)? I know I'm not gonna marry this girl, hell, it's my first adult relationship.
Thoughts?