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approaching girls at school?

!_MDMA_!

!_MDMA_!

Bluelighter
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
1,364
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drug retirement home
ok so i'm pretty good at communicating with the opposite sex when i've been introduced to them

but i'm pretty bad at picking up girls in public

i often see pretty girls walking around my campus, but not many in my classes lool
these encounters are typically seeing each other making eye contact passing each other on our respective ways
but sometimes it's also seeing a girl in the library, or sitting on a bench/table/whatever

what tips do you have to meeting girls and getting their numbers in these scenarios?
 
make an excuse to talk to them (ask the time, ask fr a lighter, ect.) and once thats out of the way, pay them a compliment but nothing too generic. Comment on a band logo on their bag or something of that nature.
 
You need to approach girls without seeming creepy - finding an excuse like PlurPsyed suggested is a good idea. You then have to attempt to initiate conversation whilst making it seem natural and effortless. If she's interested, she'll play ball and start chatting. If not, then onto the next one.
 
Mel22 said:
You need to approach girls without seeming creepy - finding an excuse like PlurPsyed suggested is a good idea. You then have to attempt to initiate conversation whilst making it seem natural and effortless. If she's interested, she'll play ball and start chatting. If not, then onto the next one.
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exactly. Just seem natural. When a guy comes up to me and he's not confident, I sense it right away and shut down
 
The only way to interact with the girls at school is to actually go up and talk to them. About what? Anything. Comment on how you like an article of clothing they are wearing (if something like this catches your eye), comment on an activity they may be participating in or a book they are carrying, basically just get up and force yourself into a situation where you are politely making conversation about what attracted you to them in the first place (outside of their tits/ass haha - every straight guy checks those out and she knows it, so approach with something that'll make you not another generic guy.). If you put in the effort, it'll seem less daunting, and you'll gain a better idea of what to say or not say the next time you try. Also everyone wants to be noticed for the items about them that helps represent who you really are, just like you'd love a fine girl to walk up and start a conversation about the book in your hand that really speaks for you and likely will leave you thinking about the interaction you just had with them hours from then. If you point out what that may be for that girl you are chasing after, you may find you left her in the same situation.

If you don't talk to them, you'll never get any where, and wonder why you let yourself miss out on a lot of potential great times. If you would have just put yourself out there you would know whether or not you missed out on an opportunity. Yeah you will get rejected, but this helps you shrug it off in the future and move on, as it will become not a big deal. It wont be the girl you waited 3 years to talk to, they will be the girl that may have caught your eye for a second before you saw the next chick. They will just become another girl in the sea of people, instead of the girl you never had to balls to go up and talk to. Or the girl you never carried a full conversation with because you choked and ran off. They are not gonna sit there waiting for you to take all day because they know someone else will come around, so make your move before someone else does. It sucks sitting back and watching the girl you feel is perfect for you get with someone who may not be as good of a match as yourself, so don't let it happen.
 
It's not about style so much as finding the people who are open and receptive. It doesn't matter how you act or what you say as long as you aren't rude and try not to have stinking breath. Don't listen to for advice or mess with girls and women who try to "psychologically size someone up" when they first meet them. These kind of women will make anybody miserable - even when you get with them. Just try making eye-contact and if she looks receptive just smile and say hello. Don't worry about "confidence levels" all that shit to google up your head. There are lots of miserable chicks out there just looking to shut anybody down for any reason, so avoid the ones that have that air of fake happiness or ones that have that mean look in their eyes. Nobody feels natural and comfortable talking to an asshole, so find the ones who aren't assholes.
 
MyFinalRest said:
It's not about style so much as finding the people who are open and receptive. It doesn't matter how you act or what you say as long as you aren't rude and try not to have stinking breath. Don't listen to for advice or mess with girls and women who try to "psychologically size someone up" when they first meet them. These kind of women will make anybody miserable - even when you get with them. Just try making eye-contact and if she looks receptive just smile and say hello. Don't worry about "confidence levels" all that shit to google up your head. There are lots of miserable chicks out there just looking to shut anybody down for any reason, so avoid the ones that have that air of fake happiness or ones that have that mean look in their eyes. Nobody feels natural and comfortable talking to an asshole, so find the ones who aren't assholes.
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I disagree with the part about girls who size people up If you're used to people constantly approaching you because they want something from you, you will develop a defense mechanism. It's instinct
 
^there's a big difference between a guy around the same age who goes to the same college trying to make friends and old pervs out to ask for sex and addicts asking for $20 for a crack rock.

You can always be defensive, but that doesn't mean you have to be unfriendly or mean to someone.

Also, no young woman has much of a right to hold a young man's "confidence level" against him. Meeting new people out of the blue can is not going to carry with it pure confidence, and if the man does, it's actually a good sign that he's just to see what he can get out of it for himself without actually giving a fuck about what the other person thinks. The most confident people - men and women - I've known were criminal types. They have the advantage because they don't give a fuck about anyone or anything, not even themselves.

Young women who themselves would never have the courage to approach a random guy and ask for a number have no right, in all fairness, to judge a nice young guy who is a bit nervous about it.

Women have to play their part too if they want to meet a guy. They have to show interest with at least returning eye contact in a pleasing way or a little smile. Otherwise, I would assume she has a bf or is not interested.
 
Wish I could approach girls at school still but I'm not allowed within 100meters :( maybe it would help If I wasnt a primary school?
 
!_MDMA_! said:
what tips do you have to meeting girls and getting their numbers in these scenarios?
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Well, maybe you first figure out how to talk to them.

Don't focus on "I need to get her number... I need to get her number..." that probably will mess up the conversation. You cannot plan a conversation in advance (and if you chose to do so anyway, the conversation probably will come off as unnatural)... just see what happens. If she is the same class, say something like: "Ow, see you next week." "Ow, do you and the other people of this class sometimes hang out or do something after class." etc.
 
MyFinalRest said:
^there's a big difference between a guy around the same age who goes to the same college trying to make friends and old pervs out to ask for sex and addicts asking for $20 for a crack rock.

You can always be defensive, but that doesn't mean you have to be unfriendly or mean to someone.

Also, no young woman has much of a right to hold a young man's "confidence level" against him. Meeting new people out of the blue can is not going to carry with it pure confidence, and if the man does, it's actually a good sign that he's just to see what he can get out of it for himself without actually giving a fuck about what the other person thinks. The most confident people - men and women - I've known were criminal types. They have the advantage because they don't give a fuck about anyone or anything, not even themselves.

Young women who themselves would never have the courage to approach a random guy and ask for a number have no right, in all fairness, to judge a nice young guy who is a bit nervous about it.

Women have to play their part too if they want to meet a guy. They have to show interest with at least returning eye contact in a pleasing way or a little smile. Otherwise, I would assume she has a bf or is not interested.
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I didn't mean taking advantage of the sense that the dude is a creepy old pervp to tons of but more along the lines of someone who just wants to bone and goes up tons of girls with the same exact pick up phrase. Also, I don't know, as a female, I want someone who is confident and assertive.
 
PlurPsyed said:
I didn't mean taking advantage of the sense that the dude is a creepy old pervp to tons of but more along the lines of someone who just wants to bone and goes up tons of girls with the same exact pick up phrase. Also, I don't know, as a female, I want someone who is confident and assertive.
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But you are revealing a major contradiction in your dating attitude here. Girls are so fucking quick to judge a man too. If you're looking just at a man's assertive style, chances are you are going to go for the guy who just wants to bone and move on. Maybe you should realize that the better men are plenty confident and assertive and would stand up for their girl, but they don't tend to make a habit out of going after one girl after another, and when you don't, you can't be a slick, well practiced actor like a car salesman.

In my personal situations, I've heard this "Gurls lyke Confidence" over and over, but I see girls going for the lamest, drippiest, weenies a lot of the time, and sometimes these guys don't even look good. Or, they tend to go for these phony tough types and they get a lot of tattoos to try to take on the badass image.

There's not many women out there that really appreciate my confidence, directness, and good character, only a few that can see through bullshit and appreciate the real thing. The majority is either Jersey Shore or Emo bullshit.

So maybe you are misjudging the better guys because they don't have some slick act down and you end up becoming too defensive because the ones society is teaching you to be attracted to are the ones who are nothing more than roaming boners?
 
I was thinking about this a few months ago, how do you meet total strangers in a public place such as school or a grocery store.

Occasionally I'll have a crazy romantic fantasy about a women I see walking around (usually at school), especially if they're wearing a good band t, or carrying a book I like ect. It usually goes something along the lines of saying hi, then talking about the band/book whatever, then having a long, deep conversation and somewhere along the way I realize she's my soulmate.

Totally unrealistic.

But I did realize that in order to actually have a long, deep conversation (or any conversation) one must already be talking to said lady. IME women like security, and dislike risk (HUGE generalization, I know). But this especially applies to guys. When a lady is out n about in their daily life and not looking to be social, the LAST thing they want is to be creeped on.

Also, women like to take care of things, like cats, plants, children and even sexy dudes who want to date them. My biggest obstacle is the first moment of contact, so I usually figure out some half-ass random way of approaching them about something else, preferably something they can help with.

Don't act desperate or awkward, like trying to keep a dying conversation going. Acting polite/courteous but not like a bitch, as well as acting like it no big deal works very well. If it goes well ask their name, if you happen to pass them on a regular basis this is enough, approach them some other time now that you are acquainted.

It's all about numbers. Try to meet as many people as possible, even if you just get their name. Eventually you'll start bumping into these acquaintances and who know when one thing will lead to another!
 
Disraeli_Beers said:
IME women like security, and dislike risk (HUGE generalization, I know)
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I wish things were the way they used to be...we now live in the "security generation" and dudes are just as bad as the girls. It's a shame when even a good looking young man or woman gets accused of "creeping" when he tries to date a stranger in a polite, respectful way.

Look, just avoid putting too much thought into it and be ready and aware of women who are receptive to your presence. Talking to that kind of girl is easy. Avoid girls that avoid eye contact, do not smile, and huddle up with their friends or cling to their cell phones if you want one for a definite date.

I found college girls to be very insecure...

Girls in their 20's have too many issues these days. They would do well to find the kind of man they'd really like if they'd open up to communication more and not get involved sexually so fast. They get burned and close themselves off to even the good ones. I notice a lot of flirtation bravery among high school girls and this is due to less baggage I would guess.

But, don't be surprised, you can even be approached by a woman, and she might even talk to you first, contrary to what dating forum lurkers may say.
 
i think my biggest issue is i'm scared to strikeout so i dont step to the plate
what can i do about this because i notice it extending to multiple facets of my life
 
Yeah, it sucks when you strikeout, in anything too, not just dating. People are some assholes, and they will shoot you down and waste your time and effort. I've struckout a lot in dating. Women for the most part it seems are too intensely affected by this culture of paranoia against men, stranger danger, bitchy attitudes, and acceptable levels of man-hating based on past relationships. It's like nobody wants to give anyone a chance anymore. You fears, my friend, are not unfounded.

It will affect you everytime you strikeout, cause you are human afterall, but just don't let it affect you too much. Women foolishly turn down great guys. It's their loss, not yours. Unfortunately there is just not a large crowd of great people out there in this world, so be prepared to strikeout many, many times until you find the good one. Hopefully you will have better luck than me.

Just as you are scared to take risks, other people are very afraid to do so. Everybody is now terrified to reveal personal info like a phone number. Employers are scared of hiring people they don't already know. Everybody says they want to meet new people, but they just want the predictability of people they already know. It's like people will choose the worst people these days because it matched their low expectations.
 
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I detect a lot of 'nice guy syndrome' being posted by people who are socially inept and boring and upset that they don't laid by 2 chicks in one day in this thread.


I'll keep walking up, with swagger, and just talking about what ever comes of the top of my head.

Judging from the number of discarded condoms in my waste basket, confidence, humor and openness are successful.
 
rangrz said:
I detect a lot of 'nice guy syndrome' being posted by people who are socially inept and boring and upset that they don't laid by 2 chicks in one day in this thread.


I'll keep walking up, with swagger, and just talking about what ever comes of the top of my head.

Judging from the number of discarded condoms in my waste basket, confidence, humor and openness are successful.
Click to expand...

you forgot to add caveat: this method isn't guaranteed to prevent you from being shot down either. There's nothing worse than telling someone to just be confident then watch them crash and burn and walk away from the wreck thinking there's something fundamentally wrong with themselves because they aren't so well-versed in unspoken social graces.

IME getting involved in social clubs around campus is a great way to meet people. Hell, you don't even have to get involved at school there are always tonnes of shit to volunteer for in most communities. I remember a few years ago I joined a small-time municipal arts council and it was a bunch of pointless work at first but then one night I ended up at a party in a city an hour away from home and as luck would have it ended up talking to a girl who happened to also hold a position on an even bigger, better arts council. I didn't even have to ask for her number, she insisted I take it and take it I did.

That might sound like random luck and it was but the point is you can use all kinds of extra experiences in your life to launch a bridge across the divide and connect you more engagingly to a person you've just met and hope to impress with your half of the conversation. Unfortunately we all have to market ourselves whether or not we like to, because if you can't interest the person you're talking to then there's really no reason for them to reciprocate. The more experiences you have that teach you new things and take you new places, the more of a conversationalist you will naturally become.
 
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