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ANyone other addicts who have been heavily addicted for a few years feel like you are a survivor
- Thread starter Ganjcat
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JessFR
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Am I a survivor? I suppose in a sense? I can't say I've given it a lot of thought.
I'll say this though, 4 years isn't that long when it comes to opioid addiction. I've probably used opioids nearly every day for over a decade. And frankly, I wouldn't say my addiction has been that long compared to other people I've known. Many people I've known, heroin addicts that is, started in their late teens early 20s in the 90s. Still using today in the late 30s early 40s. So quite a bit longer than me.
My point is, this shit can steal your life away quite easily even if it never actually kills you.
Ganjcat
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I mean I feel like I'm lucky to still be kicking (if barely) you know I'm not got On the needle I still manage to get high everyday for a bit without resorting to crime and I'm still alive so sometimes I just feel like I'm a survivor especially now my home city is On another lockdown...
cosmic charlie
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Been an Opioid addict for over 20 years now and its caused me so many complications in my life. Couldn't even tell you how many times I've gone through withdrawals thankfully the Bupe has me stabilized. But yeah not just the drugs themselves but the lifestyle is fucked. Been in an outta jails and prisons pretty consistently due to the circumstances I put myself in for drugs/money.
You really need to quit while your ahead man before you through your life away, but you gotta wanna leave it be. But yeah man I know how it is and people cant tell me shit sometimes the chance of me being on Opioids of some type permanently is significant. I'm about to dose 2mgs Buprenorphine right now I'm in the process of weaning down and off, will be making switch towards Kratom and the Loperamide followed by sobriety. You wouldn't believe all the crazy shit Heroin caused to be happen to me. Just having to goto some of the inner city areas around here is sketchy as fuck I've been held up at knife/gunpoint many times over the years.
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Hey guys, I'm moving this over to Drug Culture because it's not really a Harm Reduction-focused thread.
Ganjcat
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I know I'm planning to get a load and cut down when I get paid just gotta survive until then lol
Ganjcat
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I've always just been an anxious person I'm good at hiding it but it's still their weed and opiates have always helped me in the beginning but of course after some good tolerance development the cons quickly out weigh the pros I used to work in a supermarket but quit for reasons I won't get into here ever since I quit all my drug use has got out of control I'll admit I used to think i was a bit cool but theirs nothing cool about no one trusting you or you being to embarrassed to hang around with people because I'm always so high I've nodded out in some bad places and situations before lo lol I can laugh about it but it's still shameful but I now know this life is not sustainable I just need to cut down
F.U.B.A.R.
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I don't think any addict can call themselves a 'survivor' until they get clean and stay clean...
Gormur
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I have a different take on this. Drugs have gotten me through life. Being upset or confused about something, they've brought clarity to me. I'm not anti-social but my nature is that of a loner, so self-medicating has always helped me and I don't have a single regret
The only thing I've felt as wasted time was when I spent a few months trying different psychiatric drugs. It wasn't bad or good, just weird and I don't even like thinking about that experience. I'm not, by any stretch saying that drugs are medicinal but for me there are quite a few that work that way
I feel much better and able-bodied on drugs than I do without them. I came to that ultimate conclusion a few years ago even if I've known it my entire life. Still, there's no need to glorify any drug. Just appreciate them (drugs) for what they are, a gift. Not everybody appreciates the gifts they're given and that's all right. If we all liked the same thing, that'd mean humans are incapable of having an imagination
Ganjcat
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yeah I used to think that but it's an illusion your have to take care of the problems that are causing the drug use
Juniper Bruhmomentius
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Not a survivor. But not a quitter too... Bupres just a bad habit like my 40+ cigs a day is too.
JessFR
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What does "staying clean" mean though? Is 2 years "stayed clean"? Even if they wind up using again not long later? 5 years? 10?
I mean, does there come a point where you can really say you got clean and stayed off drugs?
Gormur
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Well maybe, but for me that isn't true. Without drugs it seems like I have so many problems that I can't even think straight. With them, the problems are still there but I can deal with them
Joey
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I have definitely had similar sentiments. Disbelief that I'm still alive. All sorts of emotions around the many people I've known to die. The knowledge that I'm pretty fucking resilient to be here considering everything. The knowledge that my health is deteriorating and I'm just "surviving".. it's a hardcore game I'm playing. Trying to be better about it, and maybe bow out someday to not just survive but thrive. But for now I'm just a survivor.
Joey
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This is a good question seriously. I know of someone who relapsed after 25 years pulling a sponsee out of a crack house. Do you "stay clean" or is it "just for today"? Can't be both ways.
I think the best thing is not to worry about the milestones or just for today and more somewhere in a medium where you've got one foot forward and one behind like you're walking in place. The past present and future all count, and yet only one is tangible, so just for today be aware to learn from your past and look ahead to find where you're going. The actual amount of time whichever way doesn't matter, if you're clean you're clean. If your not, you will be someday, dead or alive.
I'm being a little whimsical here sorry. Bottom line is for me I don't really appreciate the focus people have on having X days/months/years clean and would rather hear about their lives outside of the perpetual addictions issue since we're so clean and dandy now.
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I used to think so... I got off opiates with ibogaine in 2014, I had been badly addicted for 10 years. It was miraculous, I stopped and didn't have a single craving for about 5 years, I still did other drugs, just not opiates. I got complacent and believed that I was 100% past it and there was no danger anymore. Then times got hard and I slipped once in a night of terrible pain, and since then it's been a back and forth battle of going in and out of physical and mental dependence... just got back from a 30-day self-imposed detox retreat. And it's a daily struggle. For me, emotionally difficult times make me really want opiates, and I have experienced a lot of loss the past few years. When everything was going well, after I quit years ago, it was easy, but I am hurting and the knowledge that peace and relaxation is so easily achieved is difficult for me to deal with. It's such a well-trodden path.
I am a survivor, absolutely. A lot of people I know are dead from drugs/opiates, and I'm still alive. Or from non drug-related stuff, the older you get, the more people you know die. Active addiction is really tough on you, and resisting is hard, too.
Don't inject, that is such an important rule. I never have and never will and it's probably why I'm alive, IVing drugs will make your addiction and the danger so much worse. Don't think in absolute terms... you don't have to "start over" just because you slipped up, that's not how it works. Don't be too hard on yourself, but do make sure you're hard enough on yourself, be honest with yourself. The goal of life is to try to be happy and fulfilled, and try to make the people around you happier, too. If you're accomplishing that, you should feel good about yourself. No one is perfect, but drugs or not, you can make a good thing out of your life. A lot of the time, drugs make that a lot harder, or impossible, but lack of drugs doesn't mean you'll have a good life, either. It's mostly about your attitude and the story you tell yourself every day about how the world is, and how you are.
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Drugs completely ruined my life.... yet I am still alive... so here I am.....
I am ALIVE.... all that matters......
I directly attribute this virtue to my survival. Real shit.
Deru
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Do I feel like a survivor?
After a decade long addiction to oxycodone and buprenorphine that led to intravenous heroin and cocaine use, blood infections, sepsis, endocarditis, open heart surgeries, heart failure, partial loss of lung and an extremely annoying dual chamber pacemaker, I'd definitely say I feel like a survivor. I keep fighting, and almost four years later now, I'm as close to being healthy as I ever was.
Minus all the physical health problems, had the only thing I had to deal with been the addiction alone, I would still absolutely believe I was a survivor.
That's a fact, for sure.
